Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
My wife and I have been married 21 years. The first 19 years we had sex ALL the time. She has been sexually abused by her dad and two brothers from when she was 6-11 years old. I knew this before we got married. But only now that we are 45 does this pose a problem with our sex life. We talk very openly about this. But tonight was a break through. She told me that my looks is starting to remind her of her father as to when he started to abuse her. Meaning my middle aged belly, grey hairs, and so is reminding her of him. I guess I'm taking on certain looks that her father had at the time. So this is one of the reason we haven't had sex in months. And I have to tell ya I feel pretty crappy right now. About a year ago I was finding myself on the couch a lot because I snore. Now I have my own bedroom. This is not what I pictured my marriage to be. She refuses counseling. Which makes me feel even worse!!!! Any suggestions?
Lilbearup Lilbearup 41-45, M 6 Answers Feb 28 in Dating & Relationships

Your Response

Cancel

no good dude. But you have to remain happy first and foremost. Everything is a choice an you can choose what to do. But feeling sorry for yourself isn't really helping. That is your problem in this, and its not really necessary.

Best Answer

Time for counseling, a good couples therapist/marriage counselor is who you both need to see.

Best Answer

Sorry to hear that..maybe try dieting and exercise to lose the belly..see if that helps change anything..

Best Answer

Find another women,before she kick you out for good. It easier when you have another lover to leave,women do it all the time.

Best Answer

Being shot down myself atm, but thanks for the insight. Wet shaving for a younger look has been a nice change for me.

Best Answer

Sorry, really I am. The following will be from a FEMALE marriage counselor... "The only way to survive a sexless marriage it is to run from it. I rarely tell people that divorce is their only option. In this case, my experience has taught me that there is little hope for change. Take your damaged self-image, your shame and any unhealthy beliefs you have come to feel about yourself and get out. Once you've done that, find a qualified therapist that can help you take back the power your spouse had to cause you to feel such negative emotions. The damage will die hard and may be slow to repair but with time and work, you will once again feel sexually desirable and attractive."

Best Answer

more from counselors... "What are the consequences of withholding sex?
Sexual rejection, especially by someone who vowed to "love, honor and cleave unto" you is devastating. It leaves you feeling unattractive and undesirable. You may internalize her rejection and blame yourself by thinking you are not attractive enough; sexy enough, thin enough, smart enough. Her actions will give root to unhealthy beliefs about yourself and your value as a person. There is the danger of depression, loss of hope, you may feel old before your time and there is certainly a sense of shame. Shame over the fact that your own spouse does not desire you. This shame keeps you from sharing your problems with your spouse. You find yourself with no support system and the growing belief that there is something terribly wrong with you."

Best Answer

The role sex plays in a marriage.
Sex is a way of connecting to your wife emotionally and physically. It builds a bond that promotes closeness and emotional intimacy. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. The sharing of intimate pleasure in a marriage enables couples to bond more deeply as friends. That friendship will sustain the marriage as we age, our bodies change and our need for the sexual connection lessens. Sex is what separates a couple’s relationship from all other relationships. A marriage without sexual intimacy and friendship will eventually sputter and die.

Best Answer

Withholding sex from your spouse or not being present during sex.

Withholding sex from the partner. The sexual anorexic will stay in control of the sexual relationship by: refusing to initiate sex, saying no to the sexual advance, makes the partner initiate the majority of sexual advances. Sexual anorexics also make sexual encounters emotionally void or unpleasant so the partner will not want to have further sexual encounters. This lack of sexual initiative and activity is the clearest symptom to evaluate in the initial intake process.

Best Answer

Related Questions