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My boyfriend of 1 month asked me to start using the pill so that we can ditch the condoms. We are both 35. He declared that he doesn't want kids until 37. I respect his wishes although it hurts me at the same time. I want kids...and I'm also 35. Isn't it a health risk at my age to use these pills (e.g.blood clots). For me it feels like saying goodbye to motherhood altogether.
InSpace InSpace 36-40, F 25 Answers Jun 26, 2012

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After one month you want to fcuk this person and he is already telling you how to run your life





Tell him to pi$$ off, at your age you decide what you want NOT HIM

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i second this...

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third!

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First of all you are 35 stop listening to your bf of 1month...pills are really bad...i used one to prevent pregnancy because my idiot bf wanted to feel closer like wtf does that even mean. Anyway, i stopped getting my period for 2months even though i am healthy and now i have cyst in my uterus...and my periods are so bad now...i cant even walk because they hurt so much...these pills are bad...if he cant freaking wear a condom then i doubt he deserves you at all. It takes like 3 secs to wear one.



he sounds really selfish and immature for a 35 yr old...not to mention total scum. Wear a foxy dress and get a new man who appreciates you and deserves you.

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Reason, the pills work by screwing up your hormones so you don't ovulate or the embryo can't implant, it's not healthy, not normal and not natural. He doesn't want to have kids fine, use a condom.

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"Wanting to get closer" is code for "It's better without them"

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Well said!!!

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Hell, it IS better feeling...even for a woman. Better feeling doesn't always equal better choice.

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i dont know i like the condom feel...i stay relaxed that way...no sperms running to my egg ...no pregnancy no abortion and life stays the same...

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Pills don't cause that. They actually regulate menses and make heavy periods lighter. Everyone has a different response to pills so even if it was true that doesn't mean other people would have the same reaction. They should talk to their doc about it.

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I agree with you. Sadly, I'm in love with him.

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i get that but if you dint have major issues with this decision then you wouldnt have posted this question. Risking motherhood all together is too big a price for love specially, when he doesnt care about your health.

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I think it is rather selfish of him, he doesn't want kids, but isn't prepared to take preventitive measures. You do want children, yet he asks you to take the preventitive measures on his behalf. How does that work then? He has a very selfish attitude.

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this coming from a man? i am impressed.

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Ha Ha, a responsible man, yes, not a selfish boy like a lot of younger guys seem to be these days. Who said it was the Lady's responsibility to take contraceptives? That is what a lot of younger guys don't appreciate, that they are just as responsible, in fact they should take the lead, why should a Lady pump chemicals into her body, when a man has only to attach a "rubber"?

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marry me

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Ha Ha Ha, you have made an old man happy! thank you, but I was taken a long time ago.

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I'm impressed too

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Well, maybe much to a lot of Ladies surprise, there are responsible men out here who actually do care about there Lady, my wife and I had one child, we didn't want anymore, so I used a condom, as I couldn't bear the thought of my wife having to pump harmful chemicals into her body. I think the trouble these days, if I may say so, is that young men have very little idea of how to respect, take care of, and cherish their Lady.

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It isn't a "chemical" ... The contraceptive pills are hormones.

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Where exactly does your kind live? Looking all over.....

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Pills and IUD's are safer for mature women now. Look around and consider your options. Here's a helpful article. I know it's about women over 40, but it will answer some of your questions: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23954260/ns/health-womens_health/t/more-birth-control-choices-women-over/#.T-mWG5GgSp0



Your boyfriend sounds as if he's being a little selfish...both in asking for you to be responsible for birth control, and also for requesting you wait so long for a child. Consider if you want a child with a man who places his needs above risks to your well-being.



One more bit...I had my first and only child at 38, and it all turned out fine. :)

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youve been with this guy for only 4 weeks and he is already asking you do modify your organs for him? no way! do it if only YOU want to do it. its not as easy as take this magic pill, and you wont get pregnant, theres more to that.



and tell him to take an std test!

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Check! Will do! Good point!

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No, definately not. The pill can cause blood clots in some women. Stick with condoms. If he won't do wear a condom then you really have to think about the guy you are with, he doesn't seem to care what you think. Plus condoms prevent STD's. Just remember when you have sex with someone without a condom you are having sex with everyone they had sex with before you. You both should get tested. Don't let somebody run your life, in a true relationship you have a say too.

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You've been with him a MONTH and you're thinking of kids? I get a ticking clock, but really?



As far as what you *Should do* I think you SHOULD be waiting to even consider bringing children into the picture. Use birth control, whatever form you both decide Together.

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Tell this man to get his nose out of your ovaries and his self out of your life. If he's telling you what to do now after one month, I pity you in six months. I wouldn't even consider such a man as a viable candidate for fatherhood. Tell him to get snipped if he doesn't want to father a child, and besides, clearly he is not parent material.

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The guy sounds responsible to me. A child who is unwanted from the get go knows he is unwanted. The guy foresees this side of it and is planning when he wants to plan to start a family rather than it being left to chance. He is a very good candidate for fatherhood. What is the opposite? A guy who doesn't say anything and waits until it is too late and he is a father before he wants to be? That sounds like most men who end up jumping ship and leaving their kid to a single parent household situation which will negatively affect the child's life trajectory.... And when I say "negative" that means "negative.". He is taking responsibility where most men do not.

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If he has sex with her and doesn't adore her enough to happily father her child, now or later....she shouldn't take the chance of creating life with him period. Birth Control is not 100% effective for every person. Besides, I resent any man telling any woman what chemicals to injest so that he can feel all comfy! Let him poison himself.

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Thanks for saying this. He is not selfish or arrogant as some people here concluded. He's actually a sweet fellow, which is why I fell for him. He just threw the idea of "pills" out there. I'm sure he's not as informed about them as a woman would be. I first reaction to his "idea" was that this is too soon and if things turn into a strong relationship then..."we'll talk about it again then".

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I agree with you. I did tell him that I'm not comfortable tossing chemicals in my body. He himself is a "all-about-health" guy so he did show understanding at the time. Not sure if is was truthful but at least he did not make an angry face or something like that.

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No. These hormones do not 'fit' the same as natural ones and can cause all sorts of problems in your body.

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Says who? There is a lot misinformation out there. Teenagers pick up on this misconception and decide they would rather make it more likely to have a child while being a child and changing their life and bringing a life into a world where the odds are already stacked against him (because of poverty) rather than "being fat" (which is false), not ending up bringing a defenseless child into a life with more suffering it didn't ask for, being responsible, being smart, and thinking beyond themselves. This day in age I wish it could be mandatory that teens take contraception pills and also teen boys have a greater need to be injected with something that makes their swimmers stop swimming... It isn't unheard of for one male to impregnate multiple females while each female believes they are in love and in a relationship with the same guy. Some researcher needs to come up with an implant for teen males to stop his swimmers and calm down his libido. Females are often the victim of idealistic thinking when it comes to relationships.

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It makes perfect sense that something man-made rather than natural is not good for your body. Look at all the crap added to our foods which lead to cancer and obesity. Its no different with putting chemicals into your body by taking drugs.

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And in response to 'Says who'? If you own gut instinct doesn't tell you filling your body with chemicals is wrong, there are plenty of 'experts' who will put you straight.... You don't work for 'Big Pharma' by any chance?

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Its your body, your choice period. As for wanting children...the bigger question is whether you want his children.

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Stands and applauds!

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Are you doing just because he wants you to? Don't you think you should make your own decisions? As for the complications - see a doctor. There are alot of different pills for alot of different women - I am sure your doctor can find one best for you. As far as I'm aware I thought clots were only really a problem if you took the pill and smoked? That's what my doctor told me, but I'm only 27... Also I have cystic ovaries and the pill I was prescribed actually helped. So everyone is different. And why are you feeling hurt? You have been together for one month. He is saying he wants to wait for two years - and fair enough - you barely know eachother. If you were 37 he would probably say he wants to wait until he is 39.. It's not a big deal. He wants to ditch the condoms because it feels better. If your doctor offers you a safe alternative contraception and you both get an std check and you're both talking about kids (aka: going the distance) then what's the big deal? Get informed before you get irrational. And just enjoy your new relationship :)

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You are together for a short time but even it was longer , you should never let anyone decide what you should put in youre body. im having a hard time with pills too so i use other methods. as far as motherhood goes, you probably havent found the right person to be a parent with.i agree that parenthood should be planned but it just seems to me that he enjoys bossing you around. you are partners , not co-owners of youre body.

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I'm not sure there is a huge age difference between 35 and 37 if you want children, but it does seem a little silly. I would argue that it may even take that long (2 years) to conceive! And you've only been dating 1 month? I'd let him know how you feel, good luck!

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Yes, I know what you mean. But one has to see the point of view of a 35 year old woman who always wanted a family but was never lucky to find the right person.

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Okay, say you stick it out for two more years while taking a contraceptive pill. Then you decide you are both ready then. So you begin to try, but you can't conceive for another two years because the bcp's have messed your ovolation cycles up that bad, now your 39!
It's a risk. Talk to an informed ob, more than one!!! Atleasts, it's probably what I would do!

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definately us contraception, until he is ready. U dont want to end up a single parent. Trust me, it happened to me and its hard work. I love my son to bits, but bring him up by myself is hardwork!

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or they can continue using condoms like they have been

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Any form of contraception is good, condoms even better because that also stops STD's

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Condoms fail. And sometimes people don't put them on right or they don't put them on in the heat of the moment so contraceptive and condoms (to keep from getting an STD) should be used. If you are in a monogamous relationship, the chances of "forgetting" the condom goes up.

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Ummmm.... Being 35 and older means you are more at risk of giving birth with a child with Down's Syndrome. The older you get, the higher the chance. Are you sure you want to have a baby with this guy? Using contraceptive at your age does not increase your risk of blood clots. Smoking, obesity, or sedentary life style raises your chances.... That still doesn't say it is going to happen.



I think as a responsible, sexually active woman who does not want children, you would be smart to take contraception in pill form... There are also injections. Even if you are using condoms, it would be smart to take the pills as well. If you want the guy you are with to be a ***** donor and you don't care about the increase risk of having a child with Down's syndrome, than have a child now rather than later... The chance of Down's syndrome goes up.... You know Sarah Palin? She got prego at a later age and now has a child with Down's syndrome.

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There are tests for this now. Will check for everything if I find myself -happily- knocked up.

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No

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