Resolved Question

I had a nightmare that my ex was yelling, and cussing at me for breaking his heart, then promising to be friends with him and totally failing at it. But when i woke up i felt so horrible because even though i did break his heart and was a total jerk and started ignoring him he would never cuss at me or be cruel to me or anything no matter how mad he was or is at me. So it made me desperately want to apologize to him but we haven't spoken in two years, i don't want a relationship with him but it will look pathetic for me to apologize so late, especially if he's currently with someone. I don't know if i should apologize to him anyways, or if i'm just apologizing for selfish reasons and i just want to feel forgiven. What should i do? Apologize or just deal with the guilt?

Repeat after me: it was just a dream.

You obviously have lingering guilt about what happened, but you haven't spoken to your ex for two years. There must be a pretty good reason for that.

Besides, look at things from his perspective. In your words, "I did break his heart and was a total jerk and started ignoring him". Let's imagine that a person who broke your heart, was a total jerk to you, and ignored you for two years suddenly contacts you— not because they miss you, not because they've been wondering how you are, not because they actually care about you or what's happened to you over the past two years, but because they feel bad and want to relieve their guilt. Does that sound like someone you'd be happy to hear from or want back in your life again? Does that sound like a circumstance where you'd want to hear from that person? No, and you'd probably think they were a total *insert expletive or insult of your choice here* for tearing open an old wound, especially for such a selfish reason.

I think you should just let this lie. If your breakup had been more recent I might say go for it, but at this point contacting him would probably do more harm than good and frankly sounds like an inconsiderate if not downright cruel thing to do to him.