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I know it sounds silly, especially for a guy, but one of my best friends (we've been friends since third grade) is getting married in a few months. I wasn't expecting to be his best man or anything, but I'm not even a groomsman (and he has somewhere around ten groomsmen). He had told me that he'd already picked one of his fraternity brothers as his best man. Anyway, I got the invitation a few days ago. 80% of his groomsmen are fraternity brothers (understandable; I would include my fraternity brothers in my wedding as well), and the other 20% are childhood friends. I was his best friend as a child, and I still rank him in my top two or three best friends to this day. Would you feel hurt in this situation, or am I just being silly?
RopinTexan RopinTexan 22-25, M 12 Answers Oct 12, 2012 in Marriage

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Yeah, I think it is normal to feel hurt. Similar thing happened to me. My oldest friend, since Grade 4 (still very close friends today) and were (are) very close friends through all our schooling and university days. 25 years later, I chose him as my best man when I got married in 2009, it was any easy decision I did not even think about anyone else, we had even discussed years earlier that our long-standing friendship was best-man type stuff. Three years after I got married in 2009 then he got married and I wasn't even in the wedding party. I even flew from Europe leaving my family behind to Australia to attend the wedding.

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I would be hurt too, I probably wouldn't turn up at all but I guess that is a bad reaction too, but I can understand why you feel more than a little put out.

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Thanks...I needed a response from a fellow member of the male sex. I'll definitely show up...I'm not going to let my slightly hurt feelings cause me to hurt him in return. That would just make me a hypocrite.

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good answer, that is the responsible thing to do, maybe he thought you wouldn't make it or something, it might be good to ask him when you see him.

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Yes, you should feel offended. The same thing happened to me, and it is terrible. It's a situation that you can't do much about, and especially as a guy you shouldn't say anything about it. It is basically a statement from that person that they don't consider you to be a friend anymore. I was extremely insulted

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destro

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I would just turn up and ob<x>ject the marriage.

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No .. it's all good. Realities are that you can only have so many of your friends and family in your wedding party. AND, it could have something to do with the number of attendants his fiancee' is having .. I think it needs to be the same number for walking down the aisle.<br />
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If you're a good friend, you won't put any more pressure on this guy. Getting married is exciting .. but stressful. I think he needs you more to be supportive of HIS day than worrying about your role in it.

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I'm not planning on putting any pressure on him. He and his bride can do whatever they want...I always keep my feelings to myself anyway. Like you said, it's their day, not mine.

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This happened to my husband once. Your friend perhaps belongs to a family that has strong expectations about who should be in a bridal party. My husband was the groom's very best friend, but the best man had to be Italian and the other groomsmen had to be personal friends of the whole family.

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Good point...I didn't really consider the fact that it may not be all his choice.

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Ah yeah. I would for definite be offended.

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No you're not being silly , I would be hurt too . We have to stop letting people who aren't worth having some control over our emotions .<br />
I am begining to realise I'd rather know where I stand than think I belong somewhere I don't .

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He does not respect you

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