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A friend of 3 1/2 years just suddenly stopped answering my texts and phone calls over a week ago. The last time we spoke, I was a bit down after hearing some unrelated bad news, but couldn't talk to her about it because she brought another friend with her. I didn't feel comfortable talking deeply personal issues in front of this new person. My friend seemed to think I was upset over her bringing her friend, which I assured her I wasn't the case, just that I had other things on my mind. She gave no indication that she was mad, but now I wonder. It's like she's dropped off the face of the planet and I get NO response. We don't have any mutual friends, so I can't contact them to see if she's ok. Should I A) try calling her again and just explain the situation I was facing to her voicemail, B) Tell her I think it's pretty low to treat "close" friends this way, D) wait and hope she comes around, or C) just give up on 3 years of friendship and walk away? I could really use advice.
Dragonhermit Dragonhermit 36-40, M 6 Answers Dec 13, 2012 in Parenting & Family

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Text her and ask her to have the courtesy to not leave you hanging; if she has decided that she no longer wants you as a friend, just ask her to please tell you so. If you get no reply, move on.

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Though it pains me to do so, I think that's what I will have to do. Thanks for your input.

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Well my thoughts on the matter is that friendship is forever. And as far as I can tell you would like nothing more than to go with option: A) and I agree with that 100% and if she is a true friend as well, and assuming that everything is alright within her life and she is able to get your messages. I would do everything in my power to save the friendship. Friends are very hard to come by, now more than ever. And I know just how you feel, I'm not very good at making friends in person either. So when I do make a friend in person I make them to last. But the feeling has to go two ways and from what I can tell she stayed your friend for 3+ years and I'm sure she still is. And if not then I am very sorry to hear that. But once again I would say option: A) all the way! Good luck!

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Nice to know I'm not the only person who feels this strongly about keeping friends. Was starting to think that maybe this is just the way friendships are nowadays. Just have a sneaky suspicion that it has something to do with that last interaction, and maybe her other friend has convinced her I'm no good. I know, It's all conjecture, but it's amazing what the mind will come up with when it simply doesn't know what the hell is going on. Thanks for taking the time to share your advice.

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Yes I agree with you there. It may very well be her friend's doing. I hate to say this but women seem to stick together most of the time. More so when there is a male in the mix of things. Most of us are very threatened by male's in friendships. Due to the simple fact that they get in the way. I don't feel that way but I know many women that do, and more often than not there is another woman to push her right down that road. But I like to keep a happy thought on it, so I would just keep trying and sooner or later you will find out one way or the other.

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email her

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She doesn't respond to those either

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oh dear, well then just give her some space...let her go and be okay with it...if she comes back around so be it. Perhaps she has something going on..

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Perhaps.. I just don't understand why I can't get a simple text, which takes less than 10 seconds, letting me know if she's even okay. Just seems wrong to completely ignore a supposed close friend like that, to not even spare even a few seconds out of the week to let them know whats going on.. I dunno, maybe that just the way the world works now.

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In my experience, friendship between men and women is a tightrope few can walk. It eventually it requires 4 extraordinarily understanding and trusting individuals - you, her, and each of your partners. Not a good bet. I'd suggest making a variety of new friends including men. Putting all your eggs in one basket tends to drive people off the deep end.

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Neither one of us had any partners, and I agree with the "eggs in one basket". Some of us just don't make friends as easily as others, so it's hard to just walk out into the world and make friends out of the blue. Thank you for your advice.

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