Resolved Question

I've been married just over a year now. Last month, I got a one year no contact protective order against my husband because of his abuse, which started right after we got married (choking, slapping, throwing things, breaking down doors, throwing me). He seems really charming and has a lot of friends, but as a husband, he didnt take responsibility (no job, no car, has a trust fund);plus I have a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship who has witnessed the yelling and screaming. The problem is I miss him so much and am seriously thinking of dropping the order in hopes that he will change. I am getting counseling for myself and my child, but even with all this, I feel I may have overreacted and given up on my marriage too soon. Should I take my husband back under the condition that he get help for his abuse? Will he change? If things were so horrible, then why do I miss him so much? I really don't want to go through a divorce, each day away from him gets harder and harder

oh my dear. i just went through this, on a slightly smaller scale. we were not married. but the abuse started as soon as we signed a lease and moved in together. (once they have you into a legal situation, they start the abuse...they hide it until then).

he will not change. i was told this by so many people. i was also told that it would get worse. they were right.

you've had him arrested, or otherwise how could you have the order of protection - and for a whole year? wow. i only got 30 days - and he broke the order of protection within a little over 48 hours. this is how incorrugible these types are.

you cannot stay with this man. you must divorce him and seek therapy for yourself and possibly your daughter too. YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM.

oh - the part about being charming and having lots of friends? so did my ex boyfriend.

just like your husband, my xBF had no job, no car and had a government check coming to him because of a disability. i worked constantly while he stayed home and drank and had friends over. I COULDN'T WAIT TO LEAVE HIM!!!!

someone also told me that the choking part, even if it is just a choking gesture for a moment - is the most lethal thing a person can do to another - so beware! you are risking your life, and your peace of mind. i understand that you are scared and hurting...but you cannot have the order of protection lifted anyway. the judge won't allow it.

may i suggest another website for you to find support - www.soberrecovery.com there are forums there where you can post threads and get to know others who are in situations like yours.

do you really want your daughter around this man? run, baby, run!!!!

god bless, and please stay in touch with me.

shuga