Sweetheart, you are definitely depressed, and you need to see a therapist on a weekly basis for a while. Don't freak out that you are having those thoughts. They are symptoms of depression. The time when it is very serious is if you ever started making a plan...formulating how to do it. If that ever happens, don't delay...get yourself right down to the emergency room and get some help.
Yes..you need help...please talk to your Dr. I'm here if you need / want to talk. Please take it seriously..depression is a horrible thing...there are ways out..I promise!!! xoxoxo
Sounds like depression to me--yes, do get help. Been there--the right meds can help enormously.