Should I go back to an old flame? I still love him and I care deeply about him. My heart is confused and lost. Thanks :)
I want to be happy and I do love him. We have been through so much together. There hasn´t been a day, where I haven´t thought about him. He makes me happy and confident.
Loves me for who I am.
I have heard so many things about don´t go back to an old flame.
Will only worsen things!
I am confused and seeking answers!
Anyways, please share with me your thoughts!
Thanks!
Take care and thank you!
- Marin (Faroese Pearl)
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9 Answers to "Should I go back to an old flame? I still love him and I care deeply about him. My heart is confused and lost. Thanks :)"
Posted by AceofPentacles Feb 23rd, 2012 at 2:13PM
Marin you were my first EP friend here and have observed your activity since. You are a kind and loving woman. You also come across quite lonely and long for a relationship with the man of your dreams. There is not enough information about your ex-bf and your past relationship with him to really give you proper feedback. Perhaps if you wrote a story about it that would help us get a better perspective. Yet, really this is more about you than anything else. What is it that you really want? You let go of him before for a reason(s) and that needs to be addressed before you get back together and find yourself hurt again or hurting him. You mentioned he did not keep promises, and the two of you would misunderstand each other, and that he was in a bad state of mind, yet things have been getting better for him. Even so, this has shown you something about his innate character. Integrity is very important, you either have it or you dont. There is no in between. Communications problems will still exist and it can depend upon other factors that may influence this problem. A bad state of mind, now thats a tell tale sign too, depending upon what you mean by that. Was he grieving a loss? No job? Other relationship problems with family or friends? Or is his way of handling while under stress? See how one handles under stress can tell you a lot about a person. Another question to ask yourself, How does he show you the worth that he sees in you? This is very important to know before going forward in a relationship. Then there are questions to self-check yourself, what was your expectations on him? Too much expectations? Where you expecting him to make changes about himself for you? Did you want too much too fast? did you give of yourself too much too fast. Its a healthy approach to give of yourself a little at a time, each time stopping to see how he sees the worth in you and how he shows that to you. We can chat about more on this if you want to, or message me. In loving-kindness, and many blessings dear EP friend - Ace
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Reply by chattychap087 Feb 23rd, 2012 at 9:11PM
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Posted by mrpancho Feb 23rd, 2012 at 8:31AM
From a guy's perspective NO. YOU may love him, and be happy around him, but he most likely feels entirely different. Not to be crude but, he'll be thinking 1 night stand and that he can call you whenever, based on how you feel for him.
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Posted by chattychap087 Feb 23rd, 2012 at 8:29AM
No set rules on this. MUST be YOUR decision. Six million dollar question is how HE feels. If hes blowing luke warm theres a risk of getting hurt. Hmmmm tricky one...all depends on the way HE is I guess
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Posted by elixabelle Feb 23rd, 2012 at 5:19AM
Sounds like a case of 'unfinished business' you need to go back in for some reason. Trust yourself and listen to your own inner guidance, be carefull of handing over to the power of 'love' that can render us temporarily insane because we long for everything to be okay, to reassure our egos that we are loveable...and sell out for the illusion of love..listen to your body and see if it matches your mind, you are learning and are here to learn...care deeply about yourself too, that means not bullshitting yourself
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Posted by SunnySmile Feb 23rd, 2012 at 5:08AM
Why did you break up?
In theory you can't walk in to the same lake twice. On the other hand, people fight and make up. When it comes to couples and love, its very individual.
But it depends why you broke up with him in the first place? If any kind of abuse was involved from his side, then no, it will be a mistake.
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Posted by Zebzz Feb 23rd, 2012 at 5:03AM
Do you really love this person? Or do you just feel more comfortable with them than without them. Sometimes its difficult to differentiate between what you think you want and what you think you need. I've been in this position a few times (I'm 53) You have to ask yourself why you split up in the first place. Without trust, honesty, understanding & respect you don't have a relationship worth pursuing.
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Posted by btronx Feb 23rd, 2012 at 4:57AM
Depends what happened that caused you to split up
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Posted by emce Feb 24th, 2012 at 10:18AM
I had a gf for a couple of years, finally called it quits because of the way she was treating me - quote: "You don't have the right to break up with me because you love me... I can do what I damn well please until I'm ready to settle down..." end quote. Some minor odds and ends about her that also bothered me, but nothing major otherwise. She finally got her head out of her you-know-what, tried on and off for 15 years to get something started again. I did see her a couple of times, but each time I realized that certain things about her hadn't changed and weren't going to change, so I finally ended it for good. All of this to say keep your eyes open and take your time - communication between you two is very important right now; make sure you understand each other this time. More of what happened before (broken promises, misunderstandings, things like that) and it's best to walk away from him. Best wishes to you, whatever happens.
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Posted by Missmathematics Feb 23rd, 2012 at 4:57AM
have a trial period of dating and see how things turn out. memories can colour your decision & people change. tread carefully it could work out great, who knows till you give it a try.
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