My partner and me have been together for three years, engaged for over a year, we only just celebrated our engagement party. I have had a mental illness and have been going threw many ups and down, he has 3 kids 2 which live with us. We all get along fine, we want to get married and spent the rest of our lives together but he has been hurt so much and wont let me in, wont open up and trust me to not leave him and screw him over. His ex wife is a big pain and drives me insane. When i was diagnosed with my mental health problem my dr pulled me off work for 3 months and now i dont have a job and it been over a year, iv applied to study to go back into childcare... (I loved working there and am very excited to go back! ) he struggles we both do, money is low and we have no savings and he doesnt want to even try to put money away, he buy **** he doesnt need! He complains about money but yet wont let me be in charge of finances and pay bill so we dont get fined and slugged with late fees and end up further behind! I have been begging for a baby for so long, i really want one. We got careless and messed up my birth control so we got pregnant. I found out at 4wks. I was so ill vomiting 3 times a day. He lost it, he was so upset and didn\'t speak to me, would hug me or be near me. It broke my heart. We made the decision we shouldnt keep it, this broke me... It isnt what i wanted. But i felt i had no choice we couldnt afford it and would end up loosing everything. And in massive debt. When i told my family they didnt want to speak to me, my sister was moving from qld back to sa and was about 2 wk away from having a baby. She was so angry. I hadnt told her my plans of what to do, i was still unsure. Well i had the procedure (termination) 2 weeks ago and i have never been so hurt and devastated in my life. Im starting to hate him, i hate myself and i dont want to speak to anyone, friends or family. He doesnt understand and we are slowly breaking apart. I hate how he drinks and hate how he smokes. The worst part is he made me a promise that he would give them up if i went threw with it. He broke it the day after... I spoke to him. Yes smoke are addictive and hard to just \"stop\" so i understand it will take time, but he doesnt want to give up the beer. Im i wrong to not want this relationship... I love him so much, am i asking to much? Will it get better over time and better once i have a job and we are then more equal?
Boho12345 Boho12345 18-21 Dec 21, 2013 in Struggles

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