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We have 3 children, 2 are mine from a previous marriage. But I discovered he has been having cyber/phone sex with other men since before we even met. Almost every night, for years and years. Do I owe it to anyone to stay together with him? Will my kids ever forgive me for breaking up the family again? Is it worth all the heartache or should i try to forgive this? He vows he will stop but I don't believe it's possible...is it?
Fallflower Fallflower 36-40, F 20 Answers Sep 9, 2008

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i would say no. as a child who grew up with parents who didn't get along, or i should say, a father who caused a lot of stress in the household, you don't do your kids any favors in the long run by staying together. maybe some kids want their parents to stay together, but if you are unhappy in your marriage, it will eventually rub off on the kids.

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my goodness! That is crazy situation! But I STRONGLY advise you to take the kids and run bec if you stay with your husband you will suffer in long run and the kids will suffer too. And please don't burden them with the fact if you stayed with your husband, it was for them. Also if you leave him be sure to tell if mommy and daddy separate because they are not not getting along, not because of the kids because kids have that incrediable way of finding a way to blame themselves for anything. So take care of yourself frist or you would not be able to take care of your children. That is an advice from my mother, she said yourself frist then your children then the community... and best of luck

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No, you shouldn´t. Relationships evolve, some into something positve, some other sadly become unbearable and eventually die. No need for that.<br />
You will always be the parents of those children and in an ideal relationship, that should be the bond that keeps the family ( if not the marriage) together.<br />
Good Luck !

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I would say no. Don't stay just for the kids. They will (if they don't already) know that you are unhappy and kids don't want parents to be unhappy. In my experience, kids would rather their parents be separate and happy than together and miserable.

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Are you nuts?<br />
Your obviously not in love with him anymore...or at the very least, you don't trust him anymore.<br />
If you are thinking of breaking up, then go ahead and break up. Never do it for the kids. Kids may not understand now...but they will later, when they are adults.

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how is he as a dad? Are your original children male or female? If he is having virtual sex, could be harmless,Though still a form of cheating. I would be afraid of pervish tendencies in a man who did that. I would be concerned for my male children (esp. those who are NOT his) How old are your children? can you ask them if they feel comfortable with this man as their dad?Maybe they think YOU are happy and don't want to spoil it for you...ARE you happy? Is he otherwise normal? respectful? helpful? He may need a nudge toward therapy or some site like this where he can refocus his addiction in the form of seeking help.

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I think you should leave. The kids will get over it.

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You shouldn't; you don't want to teach them to lie. You would basically be living one.

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I grew up in a house where my parents lost the love they had for each other, and all they did was fight. I mean really fight, mostly, my mom was the instigator. She would go after dad with a frying pan, a knife, what ever was handy. I was always the peace maker, and that was very hard on me. <br />
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At times, I wished they had divorced. But the worst part was,, as I got older and became an adult, my mother would blame her miserable life on me an my sister by saying, "I stayed with him because of YOU TWO, I could have had a happy life, but I stayed because of YOU"<br />
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One day, I let my Mom have it! I told her "stop blaming US for your miserable life". My life was just as bad seeing all of that.<br />
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So, I dont like for parents to say,, we should stay together for the sake of the kids. You know what? The Kids will get over it? They will move on! You need to think what is best for you right now, If your not happy, the kids will feel it and that could be harder for them than you two splitting up. Time to have some counseling before you decided anything at this point.<br />
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Good Luck!

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NO.

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I agree with skeptik and many of the others. Don't stay if things are bad for you. You are important too and the kids don't want an unhappy mother. Best of luck!

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Children do best in intact homes with two loving, attentive, and present parents, that much is certain. Children do less well in homes where there is violence, abuse, or neglect. I don't know where you draw the line between a home that is "less good" for the children and one that is "bad" for the children. Wherever you draw that line, once your relationship and home life has crossed over it is when you should consider leaving. In the mean time, you should give serious consideration to the idea of seeking outside help with your relationship. His behavior, while I wouldn't necessarily consider it abhorrent, does seem a bit extreme. Perhaps he will change if given the chance and support for doing so. If he is unable to change it himself then you should seek outside help. If he is unwilling to do so then I suspect the relationship will quickly cross the "bad" line and make your decision easier.

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I understand what you are going through. This is something you need to sit down and discuss at length with your husband. You need to understand why he is doing it and then he needs to understand how it makes you feel and why. It is a difficult situation for you because, I would think, this is not something you can discuss openly with your children. After you discuss it with your husband you have to decide if you can live with what you know and the possibility of it happening again. Ultimately the resentment, jealousy and disgust you are feeling will impact your family if you cannot come to terms with the situation. Both you and your husband can take steps to improve the situation, it is a question of wether or not both of you are willing to take those steps. Life is too short for you to spend years worring about what he is doing when you are not there, thinking the worst even though it may not be true. Breaking up with him may impact your children but so will living in an atmosphere where there is no respect and little love.

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People always seem to be under the impression that "staying together" is somehow better for the kids, but really -- if your homelife and relationship are not working out to the point that you are ready to leave, chances are, the situation isn't any good for the kids, either.<br />
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My parents stayed together for far too long, and my mother claimed that she did it for me... I wish she hadn't. Having to live with two people that are in a bad relationship is a not a healthy thing for a child.

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You loved your husband when you married him and you promised to love him for better or worse so whats the problem? He made a mistake like all others do and now he wants to make ammends so give him a chance before you ruin everything for you and your family. Im sure that if he says he will change he must love youso dont jump to quick. Pray to the Lord to come into your life and help you forgive and put your lives back together. Im sure he will if you take the first step. My prayers are with you and yours.

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Good Grief!!! Phone/cyber sex with other men? I wouldn't stay with him, for any reason. It is bullshit that all kids are forever terribly damaged by divorce. You can't be a happy person staying in this relationship. <br />
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It is never a good time to divorce where children are involved. You can't wait for the the "right" time for them. There isn't going to be one. They will adjust and be fine. Kids are very resilient. This isn't a circumstance that children are going to understand, nor should they. It doesn't matter. You have to think about yourself, and this is not fair to you.<br />
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If he hasn't already, if he is doing this he will probably go outside the marriage to fill these needs to be with other men. You have to think of the safety aspect for yourself.<br />
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Will he stop doing it? Doubtful. It is obviously a powerful need in him

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no they will not forgive you . They will hold it against you they do not understand. If they are young bare with it for a while but if I was you you should start saveing for when they are older and you want to make your move..You deserve to be happy . Sometimes men know they have this grip on you and think that you can never make it on your own. Thats false. I stood in a lousy relationship for 12 years because of the kids. I did it for them. He made me feel like I could never find somebody else. As soon as they became teenagers I made my move, and still they blamed everything on me till they started haveing serious relationships and found whats it all about ,. how hard it is to maintain a relationship then they understood. Start explaining to them from now that mommy and daddy are not getting along and that you are not happy. That what your doing is for their best interest which is why your there. They need you now but they are going to grow fast. Meanwhile take care of yourself do not let it run you ragged. Spoil yourself and love yourself. Im sure you have much love to give.

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