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Misspurple Misspurple 31-35, F 36 Answers Jul 10, 2012

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Depends on the kind of person you are and what your values are. <br />
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Marraige = 2 <br />
Single = 1<br />
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The whole idea behind getting married is the willingness to commit to one person. <br />
There is no reason to stop hanging out with single people when You're SINGLE. Common Sense right?<br />
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I'm not sure why people would get married in the first place if they wanted to continue to spend time with single people of the opposite sex on a regular basis. It's a simple formula remain single/dating and you can keep putting yourself first- (which is okay if that's your choice) and hang out with whomever you choose without consequence.<br />
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The idea of Marriage is to want to unite with one person - married life is not single life (hence going from single life to married life). When you get married you have a greater goal in mind or common direction (kids,etc..) It's not just about you anymore. <br />
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The person you've decided to be with (if you've married the RIGHT person) should be the one who's values match up with yours. <br />
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In other words these are discussions you have BEFORE you get married to DETERMINE if this is the RIGHT person for you. It's like 1+1=2 or DUH! Lol...<br />
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If a partner wants to see/hang out with other single ladies or guys when they're married the other marriage partner should also agree to it BEFORE getting married. <br />
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Marriage means you should be willing to maintain the integrity of that relationship for a common goal or purpose. It's not the worst idea...but it's not a good idea to put yourself in a position once you're married that could inevitably lead to the destruction of your marraige. If you are willing to risk the marriage then you should not be married in the first place.<br />
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Usually the badge of adulthood means you've learned from your childhood mistakes where you experienced consequences; some bad and some good but a spectrum large enough to now be able to make better judgements. It's not easy but it's the difference between being wise and foolish. It's okay to be either single or married, it's your choice but if you're married you should take responsibility for your choice.<br />
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Assuming that one is married to the right person this question shouldn't be an issue.<br />
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To me the hard stuff like: children, religion, goals, money, career, politics and the way children will be educated SHOULD be discussed before marraige. It's really common sense to me. 1+1 will never = 3. So if one person wants kids and the other doesn't or one wants private school and the other doesn't or one wants the city and the other the suburbs and you can't agree and you still get married...You're a God damn f*ing IDIOT and deserve every misery that comes your way so that one day you will actually learn from your mistakes...

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totally agreed

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From what I've seen, no.

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I agree! And I see it a lot!

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I guess I'm influenced by how my parents acted too. Neither of them wanted to hang with anyone else of the opposite sex. And I never felt that way when I was married.

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Always had a great example of marriage given by my parents! Guess you can say I'm old school!

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I noticed u used the past tense, married. I'm sure this was a contributing factor.

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1 More Response

Married men/women should not hang out with single of the opposite sex, to much temptation. They have made promises to there spouses and should honor those promises. Singles have not made those promises. It really angers me a lot when married spouses go after the other woman/man. When their cheater spouse, who has promised them the most precious gifts breaks that promise. Sometimes these singles know and out of respect should not go their,but even if they do..they have made no vow.. those who don't know the man/woman is married, yet is still attacked by the non-cheating spouse..well.. that is whoa to the non-cheating spouse for not whacking his/her spouse.

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Well put! I agree! People don't take marriage seriously anymore! For what reason, I don't know! Very sad!

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Indeed..a life long commitment. Not a, well let's see how this works.. grrr

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Sorry for the long answer but:
Well some people do mistakes due to some circumstances, you see, after losing my father and accidentally, a women that I loved far more than any other women I meet in my life (you know the unexplained bees in my stomach, I could cuddle her for hours etc.... I then met another girl, very kind, I fully trust her, we get along very well, I have the same characteristics. Well the problem is that she loved me, I did as well, but never saw her as a wife, no bees. She asked me out, then dated me and I kind of walked in etc.. She started to ask for marriage. I suddenly said to myself that actually I would make her happy and I would avoid the pain of her loss if ever something happened to her. Do not get me wrong, I would be extremely sad to see her in trouble but not in the same way as with the one I loved. Now I find myself sad, life is flat. I even can't kiss her since mid 2011. And I start to resent. I am still kind and help her, it goes both ways. But it is all pragmatic. She may get hurt a fair bit, but sooner or later I will leave as it becomes extremely painful. Besides I renewed with the powerful love with another women. Second time in my life, and I come to realize that it worth risking pain. I do not know if there a reciprocity, I know she like me but to which point, I am not too sure. The problem is that this women is a former colleague and, a bit distant but still, a friend of my wife. Anyway all this to say that promises or not there are cases like mine where promises are better broken than kept:
I am terribly depressed, she is not loved so certainly misses affection, no hug no cuddle, one can't force those things. And there are single people that would benefit from what I have to give when I really love so...

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Hanging out with single friends was never a problem for my marriage but I do remember that my husband always introduced me to all his friends and I never felt threatened by any of his "single" friends. I think if you both know where you stand with each other then it can be healthy because you don't want to lose your friends just because you got married.

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this is why I can't get married...too many rules

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Isn't complicated if both parties have trust and respect for each other! Just make sure you guys discuss complicated issues before u say I do...you should be good! Marriage is a beautiful thing!

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I agree with Liz. Marriage is a beautiful thing Miss, but its not for everyone. I was married before and honestly I feel more content just being single. Marriage is complicated and not always necessary. But then again so is remaining single...

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agreed sheekchic, It's not for everyone, and not necessary. I think I'd rather not add to the statistics lol

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Point taken:)

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You tell him that you have male friends and if he doesn't except it show him the door. My female friend said that to me. Another female friend had a boyfriend that wanted to punch my head in when he told her and she dumped him because she had male friends and that was years ago. If you get married he has to except your male friends when you would have known them longer then before the boyfriend has.

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2 More Responses

Where people get their appetites matters less than where they satisfy their cravings.

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I guess there is nothing wrong with it in theory. But its not a really good look is it?

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Doesn't look good at all!

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No, you're just opening yourself up for trouble. You have to protect the marriage.

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sure, hanging out is fine. misbehaving ain't cool..

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Yes,but either way, they should be sure that they're committed and sure that they don't feel tempted by attraction..

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It can work. <br />
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What proved more workable for me was to hang out with married women. I've several times had long-term married friends, where both couples are acquainted and it's OK with everyone, who would spend a bit of time with me. My wife wouldn't want to go to concerts and so on, her husband was a home body. So we'd go to concerts and the like. I'm thinking of four friends in that role generally. One I'd even do hiking, camping, river running, and birding with. There were never any issues of concern. <br />
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Takes communication and agreement.<br />
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One fellow used to call me and ask me to find something to do with his wife so he could get some peace!!! I thought that was pretty funny.

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I have had that happen to me as well. I do agree very well and i'm sure it's not uncommon. I do know this by fact is when a couple is married they do need time a part from each other my female friend her partner called me on the phone and asked me if i can take her out of the house and get her to do something because she is a very big talker and she could almost talk underwater. He did work at home and he needed to think for his own business for his job at the time.

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That depends on your intention. Speaking as a single woman who has no intention of sleeping with a married man or running off with him, I find it insulting to both the married man and the single woman that it goes without saying that both of them are not able to control themselves.

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No...its not very prudent to do so. You're just asking for trouble if you do...

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Old friends? not a problem, new friends? just kinda of weird...and where are their spouses anyway?

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Agree!

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For me there is not a no or yes. It depends on two main factors:<br />
-Married yes, but do they have in mind to divorce?<br />
-If they love each other, well it depends on the intention during the hand out<br />
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In essence it is not if they do it it is the context that counts. It could be something terribly wrong but also something that make full sense.

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Yes, if the marriage is with a person you really love, nothing will happen.<br />
If something happens it means that your are not really in love with the person you are married to. From that it can simply mean that you are not somebody who should be married (some people can't stick to one person), that you are married to a second or even third best (I did, I was so stupid....), or that love have for some reasons faded away.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOO good will come from it.

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no and no

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Does it really matter when someone else thinks it is a bad idea, if they believe it is ok? Sadly, nope I don't think it matters at all. <br />
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Get ready people, Jesus is coming.

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Yeah. I don't see a problem with that.

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