Should my husband be so bothered by my past or should he let it be...as my past?
24 Answers to "Should my husband be so bothered by my past or should he let it be...as my past?"
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The past is THE PAST for a reason no sense worrying over dust bunnies, sweep it up and move on :D
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The past belongs right where it is: in the past. He needs to look at who you are now and cherish the woman you are now and not let history get in the way.
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that's why some things are left best between you and God only. if you loves you he'll get over it.
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Your past has passed, he should leave it at that. Especially if the past doesn't include him
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To move forward with the future you need to leave the past in the past.. It can't be changed. What it is, is what it is.. Accept it and move on and enjoy life
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It really depends upon what was in your past. If you did something that would or may cause angry people to come track you down and try to kill you then YES I would be upset about that.
Other wise no, I would say what happened before is nothing to worry over.Like (2)
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As long as he didn't just find out you were a guy once. Anything else shouldn't matter
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Depends on how your past affects your present.
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it doesntLike (1)
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Sighing* @your hubby thn, he needs to let it go.
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He needs to let it be the past. After all he has a past also doesn;t he.
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yep...and worse then mine too
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If his 'past' is even 'worse' than your past, he's being an inconsiderate d*ck. "I can have a past with mistakes, but YOU can't..." give me a break!Like (1)
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I'm struggling with my partner's past, the fact that I am not the first person he's wanted to spend his life with as I am not the person he married. This is really hard for me, so hard that whenever it pops up in my mind again I feel like there is no way he can be The One for me. I feel in my heart that he could have been the one but that I deserve someone who didn't already promise themselves to someone else. I believe that marriage vows are forever and even though she divorced him, I know he meant the vows he said to her. He has told me as much. How am I supposed to deal with feeling like second place and that I am just a replacement for the one that didn't work out?
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But didn't you ever feel love for someone in the past and start to think it could be forever, and then it ended?? I'd like to believe their is The One for everyone, but realistically if you could date every person on earth, you would find at least a handful of people you could make a happy life with. Maybe examine if there are other problems or feeling you are having about this relationship--because everybody has an ex, whether it was short term, long term, marriage or being widowed.If he wants to be with you now and forever-THATS what matters.
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I've never felt that I could be with anyone *literally* for the rest of my life until him.
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It depends on how detailed he wants to know. Jealousy of your past partners etc is not good.
You see I knew mty ex wife's past but it didn't really matter once I knew, she told me. But her past was actually the reason for her breaking up our marriage. She had genital warts you see, suddenly appeared. So she accused me of having an affair, which I hadn't. She assumed I had and took my kids, home, the lot based on that. A few years ago I looked up "genital warts" and it became clear. She had quite a few one night friends before me and apparently genital warts can lie dormant in a person for months, years, and crucially, decades.
So she got that disease from one of her past "friends" and it suddenly activated, making her assume it was me who gave it to her. It wasn't of course. So, in that way your past is indeed crucial knowledge for your husband, but not jealousy. You should tell him the truth and he should get over it as they were your past, not present. But it can have dramatic consequences as it did for me.
Also with todays deadly STD's it's critical you both have had testing done to ease both your minds.Like (1)
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He should let it be right? Its your past how can you change the past? You can't. So let it be the past.
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Your past is part of who you are so if he loves you then he should accept it and move on.
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Depends on your past. If it's just simple jealousy-type stuff, no biggie. If it's troublesome, then it can be hard on a person. To imagine the one you love suffering in any way is horrible. That's hard to deal with as a spouse/partner. So, you need to determine if it's about jealousy or about something more disturbing.
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The only thing he's probably concerned about is does he measure up to all our past lovers....it's man thang...me I could give a sh!t less...my package is enough even for the squeamish....
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Lol
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Lots of guys do, they hate that they were not the first one, especially when they are insecure.
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Looks like you are more bothered about it... Keep your Guilt under check.. else it can ruin your future.
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im not bothered by my past but bothered by the fact he brings it up all the time
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oh!.. then it could be that he is done with ya.. and making way for ya exit... or there is someone else in his life.. better to stay detached and watch..
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not in detail, but generally, your past and how you pereceive the events that have occurred in your life is what shapes your future. He shouldn't judge, so he shouldn't be bothered, unless it somehow is life altering in his mind
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Nope.
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Best Answer (Chosen By Asker):
Posted by seamoss Oct 5th, 2012 at 8:44PM
I used to believe in absolute-total honesty. And idealistically I do still. Sometime stories of the past need to be brought up in small chunks or pieces. Good quote--" Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter..."
Everyone has a past, some a little more dramatic than others. but as long as these past things don't hold you back, or if they were destructive-they won't resurface--it is the past...If your 'secret' is about past lovers, some people are just too insercure if the woman has had more partners than he has. If its something dealing with illegal issues, mental health--those type of things--break it the person slowly. Not that you have anything to hide, but sometimes small doses is the best. And if you try this method, and you can read that he is starting to flip out, he may just not be a match. I've had partners that had drug abuse, criminal histories, mental disorders, and large sexual histories...I didn't judge them even though I have nothing like that in my past, I have my own history too, just different. You need to be accepted, no matter the past.
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Reply by seamoss Oct 5th, 2012 at 11:03PM
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