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I was not the molester. I was molested by a very close family member when I was a kid. For many years.
kungfusquid kungfusquid 26-30, M 45 Answers Dec 26, 2009

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You should alert the police to stop these people from doing the same to other people, and going unnoticed.

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Forgive yourself but never the molester

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I was molested for a year and a half when I was 8 by my mothers brother. When I told her about one incident she said I was lying and he denied it. Long story short I never spoke to anyone about it again, he lives a jolly life with his wife & two kids, I told my mother several times I wanted justice for myself .. But she said I am selfish for thinking about getting my justice & putting him behind bars and that I would ruin his life.. I am 21 now, and I don't know where to start to even forgive myself or him. It's easier said than done when you are the one who went through it.

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Yes, you should forgive that person....but, not because they deserve it....but, rather, to free you from the poison of unforgiveness....it can/will make you physically/psychologically sick......let go of it.....don't give that abuser that power over you....<br />
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BUT, NEVER INTERACT WITH THAT PERSON AGAIN....to do so, will just re-traumatize you over and over and over again.....cut them off....they crossed a boundary....they don't deserve your interaction....that's something they forfeited, when they put their hands on you...<br />
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And please....notify the police....if they did it to you, they've done it to dozens of others....and someone has to stop this person! God Bless.

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My mom was raped by 3 of her brothers and a couple of cousins on almost a daily basis when she was a kid. It made her never want to have sex, understandably. But somehow she forgave them. I personally wanted to kill the ******** when I found out. But I didn't have to, because cancer got 2 of them. They died nice and slow and painful!

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Think the premise is off<br />
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You can forgive a lot of things.<br />
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Even say a sibling sleeping with your spouse as one extreme example<br />
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But someone who would molest a child? Its not just a transgression , like stealing money, but indicative of something fundamentally and horrifically wrong with the person. Its beyond an issue of forgiveness. You arent dealing with a complete human being at that point, but something sub human in many ways.<br />
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No I wouldnt want that type of person in my life.

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It messed me up pretty bad for years. Those thoughts still linger in my head sometimes. You really never forget. But he was a very sick man. Fought hard in the Vietnam war on the front lines. When he was younger he used to tell us the stories-stories like the ones I am looking at right now-Saving Private Ryan..I can't imagine what he went through, or any young man..<br />
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I forgave him 1) because he was ill and didn't know what he was doing and 2) because my Mom was deeply hurt by his behavior when she found out. That's just one of the reasons I had to go to counseling for many years.

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Tryintocope? I too am in the same way . Contact me rockyjo04@gmail. I was molested by my father frm 6 yrs old till I was 14 when I was n my 40s it started to affect my head,emotions,my health. I cant forgive him,he ruined me,n my three sisters he molested too.

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Just because you forgive that person, it does not mean that you have to reconnect with him. <br />
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You are forgiving him because you want to let go of hatred and other negative feelings and move forward with your life. <br />
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Do that and stay away from the molester for good.

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I have never forgiven my family members and I no longer associate with any of them. My father began molesting me when I was 8 and continued until I left home at 16. My fathers dad began molesting me when I was 6, my brother when I was 9, my moms brothers when I was 6. I cut ties with all of them. My mom passed away shortly after my dad started molesting me, she was ill with cancer. It hasn't been till now, at age 40, that its becoming an issue for me. I came to this sight looking for answers on how to deal with my awful childhood.

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If it someone who went through it as well as what they were doing to you...like my brother =/ when I was six... and at the time they didn't. Realise they were hurting you like they hurt I'm not sure you should hold grudges . Exspecially if they've changed since...

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YES!!! But only because in the long run is going to be better for you. Y??? Because you are going to feel free, and your going to feel better with your self. Remember it was never your fault!!!! ...u were a victim. BUT... You life don't stop there, you have a life to live. Make a difference! Take control over your life!!! Don't worry about that person, he or she will pay in a matter of time. Just work on yourself and take good care of your kids if you plan to have any. Sadly but true, sometimes you can' t even trust your own family. BUT to be honest its better like that, because that way your more aware of bad things that could happen. BE STRONG HUN, and remember your the one who matters!!! ...and it was not your fault!

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My daughter was molested by her biological father from the ages 1-3yrs. I hate that man with a passion and wish he would stop breathing. I didn't know until after i divorced him that this happened, i guess i was blind to it! This man was so abusive to my children and myself he was granted no visiting rights at all by the courts. Whats really killing me is my daughter is 22 now and has a 5yr. old little girl and now she is in contact with him again after all these years, calls him Dad and is going there for xmas!! I dont understand and it worries me and brings me to tears. If i were to say anything there would just be a fight and i don't want that either. She now says she doesn't remember the abuse and for all she knows i just put that in her head!! All I can say is wow!! What would you do, or how would u react to this?

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I would forgive them because I think forgiveness is something you do for yourself more than the person who has hurt you. When you don't forgive you live with all this hate building up inside you which isn't good for your mental or physical health. Still even though I had forgiven them I would still keep my distance and I certainly wouldn't let them anywhere near my children especially not alone where they might harm them too.

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Like others here I'd advise forgiveness for your own sake and well-being - as part of a healing process (which would be expected to be a long process). If you can do that then you are truly a rare gem. Interaction (confrontation) with the abuser should only be as part of a healing process guided by a professional therapist. Other than that - I'd say: steer clear. If the person is still a danger to other children then you MUST involve law enforcement BEFORE anyone else gets hurt.

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no

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Forgive yourself.... <br />
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Don't forgive that person....<br />
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Read my story...<br />
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<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=680385" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>

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It's always good to forgive; not forgiving is just gonna hurt YOU. That doesn't mean you have to interact with that person ever again. If seeing/interacting with them brings back bad memories, avoid them.

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I didn't forgive them ...<br />
but ya , I interact ok with them .. cause it's life , you can't always expect for the right to happen .. sometimes you have to be nice , to your most hated enemies !, even though that seems to be a ton of b***s*** .. to me at least , but only do that when you don't have a choice , if I did have a choice , I'd walk away .. and forget they ever even happened in this earth !

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"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots." Luke 23:34, explaining what Jesus said to the Romans who scourged him and nailed him to the cross. And what the Romans did in response, gambled for Jesus' clothes.<br />
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You needn't proclaim your forgiveness nor ever interact with him.

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