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There is nothing more despicable than siblings fighting over future inheritance. I have decided that I am not going to play a part in this game, I rather have a simple life, and keep my value system in place. However, this is a constant in my family of origin. I wonder how much of it is the sibling doing, and how much of it, is actually my parents hopeless manipulation, they feel they are in control over their grown kids. What do you think?
carciofina carciofina 31-35, F 5 Answers Jun 2 in Parenting & Family

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I feel sorry for them.......how did it start? it should never have, in the first place.....details???????

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They keep talking about inheritance, every day, there is some sort of conversation about that.
No one has seen a will, everybody is out with their knives ready to kill.
Everyone is so insecure about what they are getting, and if someone is getting more.
I think it's wrong.
But, I am also starting to understand that most of it is my parents doing, may be because they come from the war time, they have some sort of enjoyment in seeing how everybody runs around....
I personally think it's wrong, and I don't want to be part of it and I will not participate.
You know what counts to me?
How good they are to me in emotional support and affection, while they are alive ( =0)
The hate and fighting they are hoping to leave behind is something I have no interest in it.

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OMG how sad for you!! just keep out of it....when the subject comes up, just tell them you have no interest in discussing it - politely, of course!!!

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I agree, I thought of giving the same answer.

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I think parents usually give their kids a copy of the will in case anything should happen and that it is the kids that cause their own problems.

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in my family, my parents keep talking and talking, meanwhile things are disappearing, and noone has seen a copy of the will. I think it's manipulative.

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Sounds like it is then !

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It can be all of that. if you think it is bad, wait till the will is read. Been there, done that as executor.

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and? What happened?

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My mother (dad died in 1981) changed her will be make me the executor about 6 months before she passed away. She also changed the beneficiary of her eight life insurance policies to me as the sole beneficiary. My oldest sisters were the only two listed on any of those. i had no idea about any names on those policies until I got a call one day from the local insurance office of the company asking me to come and sign some acknowledgement papers. One of my younger sisters had taken out mother there, at our mother's request to make those changes. I drove her to the attorney's office for her to make the changes to her will. I was not in the office with her, not did I ever see the will until she passed away. She also changed her power of attorney, both financial and healthcare, to my name at the same time. I had advise her over the years to give away as much money as she felt she wanted to. She told me that she gave some periodically to my youngest sister. I told her that was her business. She gave a lot to her church a couple of charities she was close to. When she passed away, my two older sisters went ballistic when they found out everything that had happened and the changes that were made. The oldest contested the will, but the probate judge refused the request. Immediately after the funeral, my two older sisters went to our mothers house and started going through things, picking out and planning to take what they wanted. One of my younger sisters called me and told me what was happening, so I went by there and tossed them out and had the doors re-keyed. Estate laws do matter to me, especially when my name is on the will. I didn't even take my court-allowed cut as executor. Everything was divided evenly between the five of us. What a mess. My oldest sister seems to have gotten over it, but my other older sister still has clear hard feelings about it.

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That's crazy. DDo you feel your mom could have handled better?

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Honestly, no. She knew that I was exactly like her and would carry things out exactly as she requested. As the funeral home director told me at her funeral (my mother had told about this same thing), he told my mom, as she was there at another funeral, that she would never get in the ground if everything was left up to her girls, as they would never agree on anything. He is an old family friend that knows all of us, so he was no stranger. Everything was carried out as written, but it took me almost a year to do it.

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It's the result of self-centered, greedy, spoiled kids that are probably the fault of the parents. Give it all to charity.

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In this case, I hate to tell you, it is a result of two insecure manipulative parents.

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