When I was a single mom, I thought it a good idea not to introduce my son to potential father figures, because my son wanted one so badly and I didn't want my boy hurt if it didn't work out. I had the clever idea to have an early bedtime for my little boy, so it was lights out at 7:30pm, then I would spruce up and a date would come see me around 9pm. I have to say, I was extremely careful about my life choices because of having my son out of wedlock, so I didn't engage in sexual activity until I met my now husband. I went 6 years without sex, so my husband had a wild woman on his hands when I finally decided I had to have him. I have been married for 21 years, and I will be married to this man forever so it worked. My husband adopted my son and my boy became a registered nurse. My main advice is, whatever you do, be a thoughtful parent and put your son first in dating matters.
Single Moms need love too.
i'm real. period.
My kids are a bit older.. The can meet someone but are never to be alone with them. They are happy if I am happy, but are saddened by losing some of my time. They know I won't settle into a bad relationship, and are happy that me and their father can talk at times now without being at war. It matters the age and maturity of your child. I am extremely open with my children, and aware of the sickos who could potentially try to get with me to get to one of my children. Proceed with caution no matter your decision. Your instincts are not always right. I know someone close to me who left their kids with a youth minister at their church who molested and rapec their little boy..when he was nearly thirty he finally told his mother, and she thought he made it up to get her to leave her church. Luckily the man died in a car accident soon after he got a teaching job. Other boys from the church admitted what happened after his death. The boy who is now an adult I speak of.. his mother just believes now that he asked for forgiveness before he died and had changed. Be aware of what is going on with your kids and educate them about sex as soon as possible so that they can protect themself. Dating can be a good experience, even with kids. You are not just a mom, you are also an individual adult with needs outside of your children. Your kids will leave home one day as long as they have no severe handicap. Your life matters too. Your kids are happy when you find the right balance to be there for them and for yourself. They do not want you to blame them for sacrificing your life and needs all to make them happy. They want all of you to be happy. Just be careful and find the right time. Explain that at this point you are just dating and it is very possible that it may not last. You are dating for you and not dating to find a Dad/Mom for them. You should not date out of need for help. It would be great to find that help, but date out of wanting to share your life. It is better that way. You do not want to be the woman who scares off men because of too much baggage. Could you imagine being sixteen dating some guy who had a kid and then he expects that you should help raise his kid. That is how I imagine it would be for a man who does not have kids. No experience and feeling like..this is her kid, I am not sure if I'm ready for this. Even the guy who has kids and experience would probably be overwhelmed by adding even more to his plate and you would also have more on yours. It is complicated either way. Kids adjust to new situations, but it is not always easy. Your children are unique and you should know better than anyone when it is appropriate. A friend of mine had a young daughter who met her dates very quickly. She seemed a little confused..to her now she has three dads. The biological dad who was never there, the guy she dated who had actually raised her daughter, and her now husband. So as odd as that may be to some..that is the way it is, and the girl seems fine. The mom introduced dates quickly to her daughter as friends so that the guys would get it in their heads from the beginning that if they wanted to be with her that she came with a package. I personally choose to have time where kids are around and times where I get a sitter. He is for me..they have a Dad. As long as my date treats them well if he is around them then that is good. I also expect my children to understand that I am the adult, and it is my choice as to who I date. My tattooed long haired bf was a concern for my son who was raised by a very conservative country type. I did not leave him because of my childrens' negative opinions on his appearance. I also believe they learned a valuable lesson..don't judge a book by its cover. My daughter now really wants to go with me to one of his rock concerts to see him play guitar, and even though my son could care less for the music he plays he has enjoyed sitting with him watching t.v. and laughing. I believe my son will be a less judgemental grown up. Like I said..it is a complex descision but it all comes down to your decision and being careful with your kids. That long haired tatooed guy has never drank alcohol, does not smoke, never did drugs, and shoots up his doses of insulin daily for his diabetes he was born with. He wears spiky jewelry and necklaces mostly for his concerts, but for him that is his way of expressing himself. Point...do not let your kids control you. You are there to raise them not vice versa.