You need to find an outlet that can take you away from these thoughts that bring you down. To take you out of what makes you sad about yourself. Inflicting self pain is a deterrent. Don't read this wrong. I mean the pain of lifting weights, of a long jog that makes your lungs burn with fire. Can't do it alone? Seek an organization. Hospitals everywhere have foundations that collect money from donors to 'RUN' for your life. Other groups can help get you back on the road.
Can't use Winter to block your exercises. Many MALLS open up early for people to walk the halls and help each other to stay active.
When you are tired. You will sleep.
Reading in bed helps me. NOT television. *TURN THE TV OFF!*
We can talk, I have disturbing thoughts too.
Jog. I seriously mean it. meditate. eat like a pig. I really mean it. eat like a pig. start loving food.
you need a doctor