How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
A Boy was screwing a girl on a Railway track.. The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it..
He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants...
The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last f**ck?!!!"
Boy -'Listen dude, u were coming... She was cuming.... and I was cuming.... then I realised ....only You had Brakes
Husband and wife had a tiff.
Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”
I didn't say it was funny......LOL
Husband and wife were in the car and theyd been having a row... after driving in silence for 10 minutes the husband sees pigs in a field
'Relatives of yours?' he says
'Yes... in laws'
I decided to take up ice sculpting. last night i made a cube.
i knew these twins in high school and they got mono. they got stereo.
if i saw an amputee being hung, i would just start yelling out letters.
This drunk fell out of the first floor window of a pub. A stranger ran up and asked what happened? The drunk replied: "I don't know, I just got here."........
What do you call a blind german? A not- see! Get it? Haha ;)
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast, so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today."
So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry.
His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk. And I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over their little ***** cat, kicking the cat in the process.
The boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"
The human race
OH SNAP SON!
it is but I got you to like my answer so I win
Man and woman in a bar sees this girl she is real shy and insecure because she has a peg leg...the guy finds the courage to ask her to dance...hes also insecure he has a wooden eye but proceeds to ask her to dance...''miss would you like to dance''...her face all flush with excitement says ' would I?''
He immediately angers and says ' Fine! Peg leg "! and storms away....
ya i know duuuumb
A mom sends her son to send her son to sell eye toys, he starts yelling eye eye eye sells none saves them to sell them later, she then sends him to sell fertilizer he yells bullsh*t bullsh*t sells none, she then sends him to sell Kingkon toys, so he takes the three things. An old lady dies in the middle of the street, an officer starts asking who did it? the kid yells eye eye eye, I gotta arrest you, the kid yells bullsh*t bullsh*t, who do you think you are? the kid yells king kong king kong.
You might like this one too - http://youtu.be/iz-9tV1QDcY