When I was a younger man, I seemed to have "Please, use me!" printed in ink on my forehead that was only visible to predatory people. They all saw me coming and made me a target.
I've grown up a little since then, and I don't allow people to use me anymore. It's all about learning how to set boundaries and then defend them. If people are walking all over you, it's because you don't stop them before they take that first step onto you. The first step you must take in order to set boundaries and have them respected, is to believe that you are worthy of other people's respect. Once you know that, it becomes a lot easier to say no to people, and have them believe that you mean it.
Update: practice saying no to people. "Can you come pick me up at the airport? No." Would you make me a pot of tea? No." Etc. People use you because they believe that they can. This new attitude will cause consternation among those who like to use you, but it will settle after a while and they start to see that you're no longer available for their use. Take a look at what they want you to do for them. If it doesn't benefit you, tell them NO.
Sorry, people manipulate you because you allow them to. If you didn't allow them to ...they wouldn't. You have 100% control over that. You wrote this >>" I have this overwhelming need to appease people" appeasing people is very unhealthy
. Do yourself a favor and stop it. It's thankless.UPDATE: You practice saying NO ! If people give you a hard time because you refuse them something you need to be around different people. You have the power to do this. You have to beleive that. It's inside all of us. Be courageous and say NO. If you do something that doesn't feel right, stop doing it.
Its not always 100% There are a lot of aholes that don't give back what you gave... but think of it this way!!! Now is your opportunity to give some back!!! ;)
Yes, that's me! When will it be "our" turn, is the world just a place where no one cares about other people's feelings? I've been a good spouse, mother, friend, aunt, daughter......but yet I always seem to attract the wrong people :S