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My partner and I have been together for over a year but continuously have issues with her ex. Her ex is unaware that my partner is seeing me as my partner fears it will hurt her. They spend time together often, sometimes multiple times a week. She always informs me of when this is happening and checks in with me. I truly feel that they are nothing more than friends for various reasons. That being said, their close relationships makes me feel really uncomfortable and I don't like the frequency that they talk and see each other. I've told her this numerous times and she continues to say that she doesn't want to be controlled. I don't know what to do with this situation or how to come to a compromise. Should we try counseling or is this really just too unfair to me?
hopeforthefuture414 hopeforthefuture414 22-25 5 Answers Aug 20 in Dating & Relationships

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Thanks everyone. To add some information, the reason she says she doesn't want to confess to her ex that she's seeing me is because she essentially left her ex for me. I made it clear I would not pursue anything until they were apart. She fears her ex will think she cheated on her and end the friendship. Is this justifiable? I don't know.

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If your partner's ex doesn't know about you, what do you not know about your partner's ex? Something smells fishy.

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I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. If they really are "just friends," why would your partner be afraid to hurt her feelings by telling her she is dating someone? That doesn't make sense to me. It just sounds like your partner doesn't really know who or what she wants. Or she wants both, and is getting both. Does that sound like the healthy kind of partner you want to be with?

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Never be anyones "secret"....

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I was going to say "no" until I read the bit about your partner keeping you secret from the ex. THAT sounds out of line to me.

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