Well well, look who it is...
I asked a q this morning about childhood and referred to my to mom in the details. What do ya know...just got a text from her saying she got ahold of some information and was attempting to try to control me with it.
I lost all patience with her a month ago and told her to stay away from me. She had, and although tormented with my owns and past, I havn't had her torment and aggravation to add to it...which has given me some peace.
She wrote 'i hope you're doing well' and set in on me with the bull****. Oh Lord, I was shocked that she actually listened and left me alone, snd was so hoping it would continue so that maybe I can heal some...but apparently not if she has anything to do with it.
MAybe I should call my dad and talk this over with him. I can't talk to any of my moms side of the family about this becauuse it'll get back to her, thus keeping her in one form or another still part of my life. (My parents divorced when I was 2only btw)
I dunno...what would you do
6 Answers to "Well well, look who it is..."
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I am not a fan of permanently breaking ties. It is such a shame to break up a family but I see what you are going through.
I would confront her and tell her you are done with taking her crap. Either she treats you with decency or you will be cutting ties with her for a year. Let her know when you will be getting back in touch with her. If during that year, she goes to a family counselor, therapy, whatever and learns how to be a mother, you will try again. If she still doesn't get it by that point. Don't contact her again for a few years.
Eventually she will get the fact that something needs to change but your contact with her will be on your terms. I'm sorry you are going through this and everything that led up to it.Like (1)
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It is a shame, you're absolutely right. I can't change her though...she is what she is, and she's always been controlling and manipulative. I didn't realize it as a kid, but looking back now as an adult I see it quite clearly. She's in her 50s...she's not going to change. I know and accept that fact, but it's still hard...
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Forgiveness is 80% you and 20% them. It doesn't mean you have to accept what they did going forward but not letting it go only hurts you in the long run. I held my dislike with my father for many many years. It didn't hurt him one tiny bit. It kept me bitter and kept me away from the rest of my family. As you said, you are already afraid to talk to any of your mother's side of the family because it will get back to her. That is how it starts. Forgive her, break contact and tell her you will try again later in life. You're done allowing her to manipulate you. it is your life now. Hopefully she gets the hint and changes.
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i dont know your story, but for me... i couldnt wait to get away from my mom,and for years i did very little with her,then she told me she had lung cancer,and yet i still struggled to talk to her, this went on for 5 years until they told her there was nothing else they could do for her, the guilt i had made me sick,i couldnt do enough for her,there is not a day that goes buy that i wish that she was still here,now i get to live with all the things i wanted and should of said to her but couldnt, like i said i dont know your story,but you only get one mom
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I'm sorry about your moms passing.. My condolences. But my mom...I honestly can't think of one good thing she's done for me in my whole life. I would've been better off without her.
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that sucks,if that is the case live your life to its fullest and if you have kids remember to do everything that your mom has not,one day your mom may look back and want forgiveness .....dont let that chance slip away...if you do, you be like me wishing that i could have closer.... good look
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You could try doing what I ended up doing...I confronted her point blank with all the crap she had put me through over the years, and when she started to twist the facts I set them straight again. When she again started trying to rewrite history I lost it and told her never to contact me again.
When that didn't work I blocked her email address and changed my cell number, lol.Like (1)
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I'd been doing the same...last year I confronted her several times with things from the past. She would either deny or if I drilled it into her enough she would nake a blanket statement saying "ok I'm a bad mom"...but never admitting to what she did wrong. I think cuting all forms of her contacting me is what I'm going to have to do too. Thanks for the reply! Thank goodness now I know I'm not the only one with this problem.
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Moms, who needs them!
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Yeah, I disowned my mother a long time ago. Good luck.
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Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):
Posted by lingerieme Feb 12th, 2013 at 2:51PM
In the end you have to do what is best for you!! If you could have a inteligent conversation with her, then tell her how you feel and not to contact you. If not you shot a message back at her via text or e-mail.
In the end though you MUST do what is the best for you and your future mental good, whatever that might be. If you want to cut her off entirely you can do that for the short term while you heal, think it out, or whatever you need to do. Tell her to give some time then you get back to her when YOU are ready. But whatever it is do it when you are ready to do it, not on her timetable. GOOD LUCK!
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