Resolved Question

S ince my kid age i m little shy girl.I was never much in guy thing nor i m right now..i m 20 right now living happy but some where in my head my past is keep on popping again and again no matter how hard i have tried to shut this chapter forever. At the age of 18 i had a physical relationship with some one for a year apart from SeX. It was somthing i had done without knocking my head and this is the reason i have been following by Dark shadow since then. He was 10 yrs older than me, totaly aimless person with nothing to do except drinking smoking or whatever normally called bad boy. I have always been quite girl, with books around and trustful towards parents. I had told this to no one, not even my best frd n i know i will never be able to reveal it. I broke up with him, because he had always forced me to do things i really hate about. He was the one who taught me doing things that are quite shameful and he did some that too. I can't think of any way to jus get away from all those moments although they were sweet moments but the thought of breaking my limits everytime is jus killing me..I have gather lot of courage to gather all those thoughts and write it down here......I am hoping that someone will definitely give me some way to just forget those moments in which i have been some one else. This is very important to me too much as in some or other way i have hurt not only my parents but GOD too.....If you think this is something of consideration plz helpout this lonly girl...its killing me like cancer.. Actually the biggest fear that is eating the hell out of me is how will i place this truth in front of the person i will love....because i know this is somthing i will never be able to make it no matter what ever happens...and i know no guy want such a girl like me..no matter i have done nothing befor or after that part of life.....this is somthing making me ashamed ....and i hate my self alot why i did that.Going to his home with no one at his home.....ohh i hate my seld. why he entered in to my life when my life was soo smoothly going....why has GOD send him to my life.....while he was known as the worst guy around my place.....i know i have done somthing that has left its mark on me and that can never be erased......what u think abou this whether this is right or wrong......plz help me i really need it.....can't hold any more tear i swear i won't repeat it again this was first and last time i engage my self with any guy........u can definitely figure it out what kind of girl i m....since then i never felt anything for any one nor i will ever....my self esteem has totally shatterd...im terribely guilty for my parents.....I M SORRY mom and dad...i couldn't control my self...so sorry ...just temme wheter i had done right by involving in that relationship or wrong...

Dear nunu89moza,

You are a young human! And all humans make mistakes - it is normal and it is expected! However, to feel these regrets so strongly and be blaming yourself, like "forever and a day", is bad for the health and will not be of benefit to anyone.

So, now you have recognised that going with this guy did not work out so well, you can (and I see you have) ceased doing it... you have learned that it is no good. And that's really all that is required of you with regard to this experience - that you learn from it, and don't repeat it.

So now you can truly put it aside as "the Past" and focus on the Present (which is the only Time we have to truly DO anything in). Be Present in the Present Moment, and live your life as you feel you aught to from now on... that's all you need to do! Listen to your inmost heart! God is anchored there!

We all make mistakes; once you have realised a course of action was a mistake, no need to feel guilty; make peace with whoever you feel you have wronged (that's really yourself), and stride forward with the Present Moment, never looking back. To look back is to drag the Past into the Future - you don't want to do that... Just concentrate on the Present Moment!

I hope that this has helped! Best wishes!