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I'm asking because I don't have kids but my husband does. He has 3 kids - 2 with his ex-wife and 1 with another woman. All before me but I'm assisting him in raising his kids for periods at a time. Sometimes I feel awkward when being around them. I know I have no maternal instinct but somehow, I'm getting there. I don't want them to see me as two (the way I am with them and the way I am with their dad) different people. I want them to see me as one person - the one I am with them. Or is that even possible. BTW: I'd never hurt anyone's kids.
Dimples87 Dimples87 22-25, F 15 Answers Jun 27, 2011

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Does she have kids or just wonder why she doesn't feel the want for them? There is nothing wrong with her choosing to not have children, but there can be many reasons why she does not feel a maternal instinct.



Having a baby doesn't always mean the motherly sense kicks in right away... I would say if she does have children she should spend plenty of time with other mothers or if she is having trouble bonding seek counseling to determine the reason why.

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not abuse your kids .be patent with they give they hugs don,t treat them like kids when they become teens experts say to treat teens like adilts if you treat them like kids when they are teens your just makeing them dumb if they do bad things put them in there room or tell them they can,t see thire freens for a weekafter school or the week ends spaking is abuse. if they are under 9 tell them to stay in the corner for 10mins like haveing a times out. show them they are loved when they do good and tell them your proud of them when they get good reports cards from school. tell them you love them. protect them from bullys.and bad teachers tell you sons to never hit a girl or call them bad names.

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The fact that you're worried about being "maternal" or a good mother in the first place shows that you're concerned about your baby. And that's a great start. Unless you feel an overwhelming, unrelenting resentment toward your baby, you'll soon grow into your new role as a mother and do the best you can. But if you're continually feeling sad or angry, or if you ever feel you might hurt your baby, seek help immediately. Your doctor or midwife or your baby's pediatrician can refer you to a counselor trained to help new moms.

Read books on baby raising and do some research.... you may gain some insight and knowledge with will help you gain confidence. Talk to moms that you know... maybe join a mommy and me group.

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Well, be honest with all who are in your shpere of influence and do your best to teach the little ones through your words and actions, be the kind of person that others including your children will want to emulate. All children test their parents so accept that there will be some hard times, just don't let those hard times define who you are and what you are capable of.

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I think if a person knows that they have no maternal instinct towards kids then they should not have kids. It isn't fair for a child to have to grow up feeling that they are unwanted and unloved.

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Have a great life cos theres more to life than kids..Its easy to forgo an adventurous life with kids as the excuse..The world is over-populated as it is,.so embrace the freedom!!

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I'm a stepmother. I used to be like you, then I started to want children of my own and the instincts kicked in. Having cats or loving pets will help bring out some of the instincts. Also, if you have to help your stepkids when they are sick, that can bring it out for me. Basically, form a bond with your stepkids...you don't have to think of them as babies, think of them as little people, and, in fact, children love it when you give them the level of respect you would to an adult, and you take their suggestions into consideration or let them make the choices. Just know that they are little people, not like a pet...they are like you when you were a kid, we all started at the same place...you don't have to have maternal instinct, you can approach it as just hanging out with them...as long as you show you really care about them as people, maternal instinct isn't as important as making them feel cared about. Children like me because I pay attention to them. I give lots of attention. It's why I have 4 cats, because I need to always have something to give attention. Not so much maternal instinct as I am bored and kids and pets are entertaining. Men tend to choose you as a stepmom or to be a girlfriend when they have kids, if they think you are good with kids. They wouldn't have chosen you if they didn't see potential. So you may not be aware of it.

I think every woman has maternal instinct but it has to be "activated" by something, or triggered...you don't have to have your own kids to get maternal instinct kicking in. One tip is, anything "cute" can bring it out for a short time. Go to cuteoverload.com. maternal instinct, it feels like a combination of love to the point you would give up everything, and finding someone cute...I ahve it towards my husband and he finds it annoying...but ever since the instinct kicked in I think of him like my baby lol...I think every molecule of him is perfect and beautiful...I would describe the feeling of maternal instinct as being like a combination of valium, marijuana, and ecstasy, if they all were in very small amounts....it's almost like a vulnerable feeling? But also a feeling where you feel like the other person NEEDS you...even if they don't show it. So hard to really describe but I did my best.

even without maternal instinct, you can remember being a kid and have an opportunity to do kid activities again so it's like a free pass to do kid stuff again lol.

So, to summarize, you don't need maternal instincts to have a good relationship with children. Bonds are bonds and they form through time spent together. Also, the instinct is somewhere in there and you maybe don't know it's there yet...but maybe in the future something could bring it out.

It's nothing to worry about, it's not really necessary.

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Be brave enough to admit it if you do not enjoy spending time with his children, be honest. Everyone wins.

Don't get pregnant if you don't feel maternal.

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Enjoy life and stay true.....

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1) Don't have kids or your own; 2) Next time (if there is a "next time"), try to pick a significant other without children that doesn't want any; and 3) Don't put pressure on yourself to be their "mother"; rather, just try to be an adult friend and role model...

Pls take a look at my profile, and then consider adding me to your circle. Thx.

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