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lilyiam07 lilyiam07 31-35, F 6 Answers Dec 21, 2010

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They don't walk away from you when you do them harm. You deal with them by letting them go. Two types of people--snipers and targets. Sadists and masochists. What every sadist needs to learn is that they need the needy person more than the needy person needs them. A target doesn't need a sniper but a sniper needs a target. You should ask yourself--when will this needy person release me?

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I just had a first hand experience of a needy person at work. This person is a very sweet thing. Though early on, I noticed that she does not act her age (not inappropriately) but more on a childish manner. I also noticed that she decides impulsively and overly conscious of herself and constantly expects the approval/validation from other people. If she does not get it, she goes out of her way to please them. And if still she does not get the "attention" she expects from them, she turns bitter and describes them negatively. I believe I am being nice to her and have often been there for her to listen to her concerns on various things only to realize that she is a VERY NEEDY person. The first time I noticed the RED ALERT was that I was so focus on what I was working on because of deadlines, she regard this as I AM IGNORING HER and felt bad. I explained to her I am not ignoring her or anybody, I just need to get the job done timely. I thought I made it clear to her because I have reminder her more than once after the incident. The second time was surprisingly unexpected. In where I work, there is always a constant re-organization and there were a few of my co-workers including this person who were affected of the change. I have not official said my "bye - i'm going to miss you - it's been nice working w/ you, etcs" to anybody because I was catching up with work, w/c is what I was getting paid to do in the first place. This person was really upset and was crying like a young child and accused me that I did not care about her move and it is her last day, and I have not said any of the sending off stuffs but she heard me say this to one of the co-workers in a random conversation but at the same time I was at my desk working. That totally caught me by surprise - never in my wildest dreams did I expect that I get to deal w/ this kind of personality. I tried to remind her what I told early on the first incident, I was trying to get the job done, but she refuses to hear me and continues to accuse me of ignoring her. This time I did not give in to her crap and told her frankly that it was mean of her to ACCUSE me of being RUDE by IGNORING HER and felt sorry FOR her that she took everything personally, and that for me it is all about getting the job done first. I just walked away and kept myself busy. My day was full and even if I had a spare time, I do not have any intention of making her feel good by FILLING IN HER NEEDS -- an NEVER ENDING NEED OF ATTENTION. And surprisingly, I learned later she DEMANDED the same kind of attention from the other people in our group, but I guess I was the most accommodating one that is why she poured all her frustrations on me. Lesson learned: SET MY BOUNDARIES. I will continue to be as professional as I can in dealing with this person but that's it.

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The definite sign is clinginess and unless you are a glutton for punishment, the only answer is to ALWAYS be too busy for them. Eventually they'll find someone else to try to cling to. I had to do this once and it was very hard, because I felt sorry for the other person, but she really was driving me crazy. If possible steer this person towards seeking some professional help.

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In my opinion, when the need arises, there is a tendency to beg . They don't look good , maybe because they have become so thin and looking so hungry ...

In this aspect, and the needy person really seemed nice ... well , maybe give him a little something to eat , so he would not be hungry for quite a time, offer him something to drink... and little money, too.. and encourage him to start a business even with little cash...

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WOW

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Alot of things, mainly they have a severe need for safety and security. I wouldn't stick around long enough to find out how I would deal with them because it would only cause me severe anxiety.

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One way to look at it

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Clingons...I wish I could help but I run like the wind from them

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