When someone is obsessed with you, it's not really you, but the idea they have of you, that they are in love with. For some reason this gives the obsessed more pleasure than having a real relationship with someone that is actually human. The way you can spot this is by noticing that they really don't care about what you think, or what you have to say. They have everything they need to know about you on the surface, so they rarely ask you questions. If they do ask you a question and it doesn't fit in with the 'idea' they have of you, they discount what you have said. There is a feeling that they are in love with your looks but not the person beneath the looks. You are a fantasy. You are an ideal. You are not real, because if they cared to learn about the real you (good and bad) it would burst their bubble. They don't want to know who you really are. Trust me.<br />
I was the ob<x>ject of obsessive love. Still am, I suppose. These people rarely give up the fantasy. When I was young I mistook what he felt for me for love. However, after a while I began to suffocate. This was at a time in my life when I should have been branching out - growing in life experience, but it was impossible as long as I was in a relationship with him. He planned to be with me every day and sleep with me every night. If he couldn't get in touch with me he became frantic. He was controlling and manipulative. He was jealous and possessive. He rarely left me alone. He smothered me. Finally, I broke free of him, but I wasted four very good years of my youth.<br />
I am married now and have children. He came back into my life three years ago. I knew he was trouble so I kept my response to his emails brief. He wanted to meet me. I said no. He told me he had become a writer and had written a series of short stories about our four years together. He said it was a trilogy and that one had already been published. To prove his point he sent me book reviews and stories. The stories were remarkably detailed and very provocative. Thing is, there was nothing in the stories about the kind of person the main female character (me) was. There was only what she looked liked and what she made him feel. He was still living in the past with his fantasy of me. I hired a PI to find out if such a book existed. It did not. He lied about everything. He did not care that either one of us were married. He left one of the stories out for his wife to see. She divorced him. I think that was his intent.<br />
Contrary to what some posters have said, obsessive love is not like real love. When someone really loves you they want to get to know everything about you. They want you to be happy, even if that means doing things without them. They encourage you to grow without fearing you will grow apart from them. They are not insecure in their love for you. Obsessive love is infatuation that never dies. Obsessive love sounds very romantic, until you have been the ob<x>ject of it.
What if he wants to know everything about me but he wont leave me enough time and space for myself. I do feel suffocated. He says he loves me and i have had enough. I dont know if he is obssesive or not he meets some standards of what you have said and some not.
Signs that they lost touch with reality. They do things for their sake instead of the sake of the other. They may not know the person at all regardless of how much time they spend trying to be a part of their life.
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