Interesting character and setting. Could use some help from an editor to get the sentences a little cleaner, but that's minor if you're just hashing out an idea :)
I don't know. Not a huge fan of the tense choice. <br />
I'm always weary of young authors because there tends to be some of those stylistic choices that I can never quite get excited about. Still, it's good to see people flexing their creative muscles.
I love it. Keep writing more