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LifeGaveMeLemons LifeGaveMeLemons 46-50, F 11 Answers Sep 17, 2012

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That position your avatar is in served me well for many years..but if you find the courage - when the opportunity presents - spread those wings and fly

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Your comment touched me. Thank you.

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You just keep reminding yourself that "it " is only in this moment and that you are not going to concentrate, or put your emotions and energy into something you can not change right now but rather put your thoughts and energy in to things that you can. You can always find things about your self that will help develop your own inner strength and independence.

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I know all that you said is true, I just never thought of it that way. Thank you.

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If my relationship were incredibly painful but impossible to leave, i would focus on a few things. They say not to look for happiness from others, because in the end you are the only one who will stick around (whether you like it or not :P ). I'd accept that whatever happiness i'm looking for in that person probably wont exist and that I need to start looking for happiness in myself and what I accomplish. I'd probably feel depressed about myself and my situation, but i'd think of it like this; If i don't go through this experience, i'll miss out on a valuable learning experience that may equip me with the proper skills to maintain a successful and loving relationship with the person i'm meant to be with in the future. Even if I don't do much, and am mediocre at what i do, the fact that i am doing what i can already makes me better than so many others out there. same goes for physical looks and health, there are so many people who are much worse off but putting in so much more effort, if i am thankful for my "good luck" i shouldn't let it go to waste with less than adequate "upkeep". Just because i don't appeal physically or personality wise to one person doesn't mean that i'm unappealing in general. But i should admit to my faults and slowly work on acknowledging my weaknesses because that in itself is an improvement from the way i was before. <br />
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You can't focus completely on your relationship, so distract yourself with other things. Just because you didn't turn out to be the perfect partner after all doesn't mean that there's no point for improvement. improve yourself for the purpose of pleasing yourself. and if that itself is hard enough, just take a twisted approach and hope your soon to be ex-partner realizes afterwards just how much they're missing out on. who doesn't enjoy the idea of moving on while that horrible ex looks on with regret?

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You made some really good points. I completely agree that people should not look for happiness in others. We came into this world alone and we will leave alone. I am struggling with the fact that I'm a very loving person and have become emotionally attached to a person who has been terribly cruel to me in the last few years. I'm trying to break free but it has been difficult because we've been together my entire adult life and we have a large family. My leaving him would affect so many and I have to be sure of myself. I don't want to make things worse. I'm just looking for ways to cope until I can figure out what to do (I'm a very methodical person, not at all spontaneous or impulsive) and strong enough to break free.

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First, I wonder know why you can't leave. Second, I want to know if you're SAFE (if not - leave somehow, just do it). Third, I will encourage you to involve yourself in projects that improve your life, and your self respect, and that will ultimately help you find the courage to leave and get on with your life. You might also find yourself tempted into a cyber (or not-cyber) relationship/romance. This might help your heart, but be careful, as it can also crush you worse. WAY worse. I recommend self-focus, get into hobbies or life-affirming work of some sort, don't get involved with anyone else, and leave as soon as you can.

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Very wise advice. I'm not in any danger, just married to a selfish person who lives for himself - he has had several relationships behind my back. I'm staying and faking it for my two sons. I've tried to leave and it has caused too many issues and I feel it would actually be worse for everyone. If I only thought of myself, I would have left years ago. I agree about not getting involved and about the hobbies. Thank you so much for the advice.

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I'm sorry your spouse doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. I wish you and your kids all the best!!

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Thank you.

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supportive friends...like the ones here on EP!

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So true!

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