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He keeps saying "yeah, later" when I ask him to do even just a little thing.Sleeps all day while I am at work. I can't cope. Lately I have felt so angry when I have so much to deal with and he won't help. Scared I will do something I may regret.
madtiger293 madtiger293 51-55 17 Answers Jul 17, 2012

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Kick the bum out. Period.

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Wrong, sorry.

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I don't believe I was talking to you. This lady has a lazy f@cking bum leeching off of her. He needs to have his a$$ thrown out of the house and introduced to reality. In this world people work for a living. Time for him to grow the f@ck up.

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Lock him out of the house from 5 am to 10 at night till he finds a job. Even if he doesn't at least he won't contribute to the mess.

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I agree with this, but something more reasonable. The kids I've had a hand in raising, once past 16, your either in school or working a job. If neither, your out in the world from 8am and you can return at dinner time.

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Sit down and talk to him and try find out how he feels, then tell him how you feel and see things - depending on the problem take action accordingly. If he is taking advantage practice tough love and kick his *** out of his comfort zone.

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Yeah I have done that. This problem has been going on for a long time. I try so hard to help him, but he needs to help himself too. I can't understand why he won't spend just 10 minutes a day cleaning up so that the house is not quite so messy when I get home after a long day at work.

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Sounds like he may be depressed or at least low due to lack of motivation etc. How does he live?ie does he earn any cash? you are unlikely to kick him out but maybe sit down and set out a few guidelines on how he is to earn his keep for food, bed etc, he needs to learn that living doesn't come free and if he doesn't like it then drop some rental brochures in his lap,it might be an idea to do that anyway so he can see what it costs!

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See, people,? This is what it looks like when people know what they're talking about.

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Have kicked him out twice in the past. But I have let him come home again after about a year. One time he said it was the best thing that had happened to him. Recently I even offered to pay his rent for a couple of months in a different place while he got on his feet but he did not even bother to look for a new place.

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Do NOT offer to pay rent for a couple of months, before you know it he will be running up debts that you will be forced to pay. Kids tend to know that most parents won't seriously kick them out so you have to adopt different tack with him, only kick him out if you are deadly serious and don't give him cash whatever you do.

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Have you checked to see if he has Depression?

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Yes he has. So do I. Both diagnosed by family doctor. I deal with it, he feels sorry for himself and everyone else has to deal with it for him. I've had enough.

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It would be best for you both if you threw his stuff out the door and changed the locks.

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No it wouldn't.

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I think I would make up a rental agreement for him to sign (and get notarized) and give him a 90 day probation period to get himiself together. If before the term ends and he improves, great otherwise he's out the door.

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Hey it's your house . And you're supporting him .YOU make the rules . But.. you have to enforce them . You're in control. It's like the golden rule ; Whoever has the gold makes the rules . I lived with my dad when I was on drugs ( another long story ) and I was about 28 years old . I had gotten kicked out of my prior house . When he said for me to get a job , I went and got one . There was no arguing or excuses . If I didn't like it I could leave ..I respected him and listened to what he said . And no only was I addicted to crack but I had a chronic mental illness . I found a job in a warehouse . YOU are letting him get away with this. If he can get away with it he will never work .

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I am 20 years old and I live with my mom. I have an auto immune disease that causes pain and have hd to take pain pills for years. I have had a successful surgery and have gotten off the drugs. Now my plan is to go to college next semester, but I couldn't get in this semester. My mom has made firm rules that since I live with her I can't sleep all day and I need to pick up after myself and help out. I do the dishes and help take care of my six year old sister. If my mom asks to do something, I jump up and do it because I am thankful for all she does. I also do something productive. I volunteer at my sisters school and, since I was too sick to finish high school, I went and got my GED. My mom makes it clear that I need to do this, or I am going to have hell to pay. My mom also understands that I am behind most productive people my age because of my health so she does give me a little slack. Don't let your son walk all over you. He probably has low self esteem because he isn't accomlishing anything (even if he doesn't want to do anything) and the only way to change that is to have responsibility.

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You know exactly what you should do but you will never do it so just accept that he will be there until a better deal comes along.

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Ask help from his good friends on this matter. Friends can really do what parents can't.

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He doesn't really have any.

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i am in a similar situation as your son, with the exception that i clean up the house every day, but i'm the same age and i have no gainful employment. what is helpful for me is to fantasize about a future that i want to create, because that makes it so that i go stir crazy just doing the usual routine stuff (tv, computer, video games, etc.), and even though i sometimes get depressed still, it gives me something to look forward to and to want to aspire toward.<br />
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ask him what he liked about being out last time, why he felt it was the greatest thing that ever happened to him, and ask him what he'd like to happen if he ever went out for another adventure? i know you'll get nowhere if you push, but if you can ask him the right questions to get him thinking about his own future, then that will help him to inspire himself. share some of your own dreams, and if you don't have a dream, make one first. a talk about dreams can be uplifting, maybe not immediately so that you both laugh and feel like you have a game plan, but if it gets you both thinking more positively than it will have achieved something, even if it only seems very small.<br />
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and the more that you talk about dreams and build them up, the more you will both get onto a positive mind-track, and it will make opportunities more visible to you both.

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These are all good suggestions, thank you. I have been talking to him along these lines. Sometimes there are signs of success, then he might go backwards. It's two years since I wrote my first post and things have changed quite a bit. He has moved in with his dad now, and will come over to stay for a few days at a time here. His attitude has improved a lot. He is also enrolled to begin study in August. I am feeling positive that things will continue to get better.

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