Resolved Question

Was w/my ex husband 18 yrs...divorced 2 yrs this mo. He was emotionally & verbally abusive, physically threatening & occasionally physically abusive. Controlling. I gained custody of our 2 kids. He has had no contact at ALL w/me or our daughter & sporadic contact w/our son. He hires P.I,'s to follow me, calls children services w/claims of child abuse, prostitution of our minor daughter & drug abuse on her end & mine. We have been investigated twice by children services, randomly drug tested etc. Each time the abuse claim is unfounded. I'm tired of fighting, watching over my shoulders for ppl following me (P.I.'s) & child services etc. Our daughter will b 16 our son is 12. Do I keep fighting this seemingly unstoppable intrustion in my life or just let him extract his revenge by letting him have custody of our kids? IDK WTF to do but I'm tired. Tired of the unknow the fear the rumors he spreads in the community that come back to me etc. Advice anyone??? He'd nvr hurt the kids its just me

Unfortunately for you...and I speak from personal experience on this and from the experience of a good friend as well...the system is defective. He can continue to harass you repeatedly and each time, they will investigate, just like little mice, going for the cheese in a trap. Yes, there are good reasons for that ("well-being of the children" and all). BUT...the system CAN BE ABUSED by the right persons...and those in authority are too busy, too afraid or just too STUPID to use their heads and say, "Wait a minute...this is the same person who was also accused by their ex of this or that last month...Now we're accusing him/her of what this time?" But no one will do that for you. I'm so embarrassed by our system of INjustice.

My friend who initially WON primary custody of his then-2 yr old daughter, was accused by his ex-wife of being crazy. So they took his daughter through an "emergency order," citing the "welfare of the child" as being their main focus. After he was forced to complete a full battery of psychological evaluations, which took MONTHS by the time a follow up hearing was held, the child was again returned to him. Then shortly thereafter, she filed yet another "emergency order," stating he was now a drunk and it was unsafe for the child to be there. Again, they took her away while police investigated and he had to take some blood tests. Some days....yes DAYS after the child was again with her father, his ex changed her story, accusing him of being on drugs. That was particularly interesting, because he was at the time participating in a clinical study...where they screen you out IF you are on drugs. So it was IMPOSSIBLE that he could be on any drugs at all (including aspirin or vitamins) except the antibiotic that he was helping them test. Again, daughter taken away until it was proven that nothing was going on.

Now, her latest one...and the one that has convinced a judge to CHANGE CUSTODY until it is disproven: That he's "grooming her for *********-type behaviors." They took her away, changed custody ("for the welfare of the child") and even though he PREVIOUS HAD that psychological testing (when he was accused of being "crazy"), he now has to have a SPECIAL evaluation from a SPECIALLY APPOINTED court psychologist to determine whether he's a *********.

He asked the judge..."When does this stop? When do you people finally think to yourselves, 'Maybe she's lying?"' All he gets in return is the same blank reply he gets each time...and he has to comply.

I sure hope others read this...my story is less dramatic than my friend's but it's the same abuse of the system. The ex did things you cannot imagine. Friends know it's total BS. But judges and police react as if you are America's Most Wanted and they harass you to no end. If you have not gone through it, you won't believe what is possible. I didn't believe it to be possible until I experienced it for myself. Friends said many times, "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE....they can't do that without any proof." Wanna bet???? They can and they are...and no one in authority will help you by standing up and saying, "Wait a minute here...you are the same person who accused this person of this, that and the other over the past few months. Get out of here and leave them alone!"

I know what you are going through. Contact an attorney. They are expensive, I know. But without one, your "abuse" from this guy will never stop. Do you by any chance live in the family-law-retarded state of Arizona?