A sociopath doesn't have long lasting relationships or have real genuine feelings of love or lacks remorse for evil actions. They only seeks relationships for his or her own selfish purpose example sex, money, status and connections. They will never change they only learn how to become better at manipulating until they have run you up dry and move onto someone else. The reason why a sociopath acts so volatile at the end of a relationship is because they know their time is up with you. Metalhead is right though they try to emulate normal behavior but fail in the long run because they have to many high risk traits. I was told a sociopath resembles a hungry ghost on the wheel of life.
I hope this answers any of your questions. The best way to deal with the problem for me is by educating myself.
I have been involved with a number of sociopaths in my lifetime. For some strange reason, they seem to flock to me and love me. Well, this was in the past. I have gone through extensive therapy to get over the severe damage that has been caused by these type B personalities. So, what do sociopaths seek in a relationship? A sucker! They seek naive, very trusting, vulnerable, honest, successful, well connected and attractive people who they can manipulate and try to destroy later just for the fun of it. They derive GREAT pleasure from seeing other suffer. They are one person in public and another one in private. They are such convincing actors that after you are shredded in a million pieces and you are picking yourself up, you still doubt whether or not it was all your fault because the sociopath has worn you down so much with their extraordinarily personal deconstruction of everything that you hold dearest to you heart, but they have convinced you that you are a bad person, undeserving of any kind of love. They do this so they can discard you and make you worthless, all the while, they have found their next victim. They won't let go of you until they have another avenue to leach off of or abuse. They will never change. Don't believe the tears. They are fake. If you have something the sociopath wants, they will butter up to you. Once they have bled you dry, they walk away without a single care in the world. It is amazing how they just don't care at all! They genuinely do not. It's like blowing their nose and throwing away the tissue. They might equate it to that, actually. They leave a wake of destruction in their path full of broken hearts, broken promises, empty bank accounts, destroyed careers and families and a string of lies that would make Lucifer proud. I believe that there is such a thing as a demonic entity possessing a human body after meeting people like this. It is pure evil and you can actually catch it in their eyes occasionally. It's called the predatory stare. I would have laughed at the term if I had not experienced it myself. Randomly looking over at your roommate because you can feel someone staring at you and then getting a glare like your head would look rather nice on a pitch fork...FOR NO REASON AT ALL...makes a person change the locks and get an alarm system after the freaky creeps leave the house with a collection of broken belongings belonging to me. You always know the first time you meet a sociopath. You can feel it in your gut. Our basic intuition is always spot on. Just as if you would avoid a tiger and feel that it wanted to harm you for its mid day snack, you can sense that something is just not right with these people, yet with society being such a forgiving one and our better judgement and common sense talking us out of our initial reaction, these monsters slip through with their charisma and chameleon like ability to become what ever we want them to be, in surface value only! RUN
I just got sick at the stomach as you described My ex hubby Tony to a T....shudders...there is no greater pain than what the sociopath inflicts.
You are preaching to the choir. Unfortunately, I am still feeling the sting of myt ex-fiance's tenacity. Unfortunately, it was only after I exposed him (and only to him) for the sex addict, liar, cheater, user, etc. that he is, that I realized he was truly a sociopath. Now I am faced with court hearings, attorneys and the like to fend off this predator. I know, sounds like a made-for-TV movie...but it's not. The good-guy, computer programmer by day, lover by night...is truly an evil person just waiting to enlist his rage on me. It's really scary!
You hit the nail on the head....I finally ran....still crushed but running for the hills.
You have just described my ex boyfriend. He is a Anesthesiologist! I was his perfect choice for a mate... Naive, vulnerable, trusting, honest, sweet. I noticed something wasn't quite right from the first month of dating. Interestingly, I had worked with him for 4 years prior to dating and didn't suspect a thing. His mask at work is amazing. No one would have guessed what I eventually found out. His manipulations, apparent joy when I was upset or down, sex and **** addiction, gas lighting, a lot of fake crying, telling me i was bipolar, a bad mom, needed therapy, etc. I was finally able to end it after almost 4 years. He started stalking and gas lighting me at work. Got another nurse girlfriend (victim) to throw in front of my face. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to quit my job to get away. I knew I had to remove myself from that situation. It's been 6 months with no contact. It's still hard for me but I am slowly healing and getting my life back. I know he is still dating the other woman. I wonder how long it will take her to figure him out, although she might not care as she has herself a doctor now!
I have just figured out that the man i was in love with and preparing to marry (I thought) is a sociopath. I just want it to be over. He's gone now but I feel certain that he is not done with me yet. I'm afraid if i handle it wrong when he makes contact again, I could make it worse. I don't know what to do.
You just described my father.
This is spot on! There is a demonic spirit in them. You can visually see it in their eyes if you are in tune to it. They will also feel Very uncomfortable if they think you're exposing them. I consider them like cockroaches. They flee when exposed to the light because they know light is always stronger than their darkness. Always will be. Do not involve yourself with such as these, and don't think you're going to change them. They won't!
What's gas lighting?
I have been in love with a couple of sociopaths (and known another two or three as friends). I'm sure they have varying reasons for wanting to be in a relationship. Some are after status, some security, some money. I don't believe any of them are in it for love or anything else that would resemble giving. They are only interested in what they can take.
Sociopaths have very limited emotions. Without feelings of guilt, empathy or responsibility that are felt by most people, they are capable of getting away with unspeakable acts against others. They simply don't care who they hurt, as long as they get exactly what they want. They have no conscience whatsoever. About the only thing they fear is being exposed as sociopaths, something I recently noticed with a guy I split up with.
Sociopaths/Psychopaths/Antisocial Personality Disorder sufferers are an unfortunate part of life. They are beyond help, and the best thing to do is educate yourself to recognise the signs and stay well clear of them. Associating with them never comes to any good for you. They are (perhaps) a genetic screw-up.
As someone who could easily be considered a sociopath i must say that while your comment might be true why not put us down and anyone with a mental retardation or deformation since we are beyond help? But i must disagree with your statment of gentic screwup as people could have been sociopaths during the black plague and lived since they didnt like other and then didnt get it or were teritorial while we were gatherers-hunters perhaps you are the genetic screw up and sociopaths and psychopaths are the "overman" which is an idea from Frederick Nietzsche a great philosopher whose ideas were altered after he died to represent Nazism.
Sociopaths are not Übermensch in the Nietzschean context. For Nietzsche, 'Supermen" balance the powers of rationality, and intense creativity. The creativity is born from deep and profoundly felt emotion, positive and negative, that best manifests itself in great and influential works of art. Sociopaths are not great artists. They don't have the drive, true passion, and true depth of emotion to pursue things for their own intrinsic value. They are only about their own, often pretty myopic, agendas. For sure socios can “accomplish" a lot of pain and suffering for others, and other times their "wins" can be surprisingly banal in the long haul. If they do have a big plans they tend to go down in history as major a..holes, just like the world's most infamous failed artist Adolph H.
ridiculousness, all of it
Both of you guys are wrong, psychopaths are just a genetic alteration, not a degenerate form or a modification. They are their own line and your comparing apples and oranges. Another thing to realize is that I never consider myself bad or evil. I do things people disagree with, and sometimes my actions violate others. Rarely does this come up except when I am not getting what I want. It is true that I never am in a relationship for sentiments or love, I would rather base my relationship on things that are real.
The mere fact that you admit to violating others when you don't get what YOU want and not feeling bad about it demonstrates your sociopathic behavior. Just because this behavior "rarely comes up except when you don't get your way" doesn't justify your actions. And the simple fact that you don't feel love doesn't mean that its not real. People dying in order to save the life of someone they loved or sometimes the life of a complete stranger is not unheard of. Do you think they were merely faking that? However, a sociopath will never comprehend things such as genuine love and selfless giving, so my response is in vain.
Why would we want help when the fact that our very existence makes people like you uncomfortable? To us this equates an implicit control over your existence, which in turn only empowers us more. The fact that you actually have to educate yourselves, actively be on the look out, and consciously avoid us shows that you fear us, validating our mentality.
As for "genetic screw-up"... I prefer to think of it more as evolution thinking outside the box : )
I have been married to for 3 and 1/2 years, then divorced for 4 years and then he convinced me to RE-MARRY him again! I had No CLUE that he was a sociopath, as I only recently after much research realized that this is "WHAT" yes I said "WHAT" I have been married to off and on for now over 21 years of wasted life! I really became aware of the fact that he truly is and will always be a sociopath/psychopath/anti-social Personality disordered human what ever fits at the time, after he filled my bathtub up 2/3'rds of water only to kill one kitten I remarked that I thought was really a pretty one, that he decided to stage that the mother cat accidentally filled the tub and then waited til like I said 2/3 full and then turned the water off!!!?? Now (from what I've read) I'm concerned that I could be next as I'm trying to get him to agree to a divorce! He refuses, as his credit is (Of course and typical of a sociopath) ruined after I regained it for him 4 times in the past 21+ years! So therefore, he fears he won't ever get another chance to get another home, even though I refinanced this house and it is in my name only. So HOW do I get out of this???
I read through all the threads. Some very interesting and disturbing points... And a lot of fighting. I had a sociopath in my life. THE BEST revenge you can get on a Sociopath is to cut ALL Strings and walk away. Period. No contact no anything and watch them self destruct in their own anger because if there is one thing a sociopath does feel is ANGER and no longer having control. Put your emotions to the side and just walk away period.
My user name says it all over it since 1991. That is the year I was married and I'm still dealing with the "drama". I just figured out that I am married to a sociopath he had me convinced for years I am the problem and his source of anger. He will not admit so and thinks I'm ridiculous for even mentioning it. He is emotional unattached most of the time, spends a lot of time by himself and never takes responsibility for his recklessness or cruelty. I look at him in despair and can't believe the words out of his mouth are real, It feels like a nightmare and when I cry he usually laughs and then mocks me. He usually starts a fight when his reckless behavior deserves an apology or an answer. He then tells me he can't stand me, he wants a divorce, he will squash me like a bug, he will plant drugs on me to have the kids taken away from me all of this just to deflect what the real issue is which is just apologizing to me for his odd and very reckless behavior. Then in 2 days he will act like nothing ever happened and things are back to normal. I could go on for hours the horrible things he has done, but I will just agree with Mala2012 the best thing for me to do is just walk away and have no contact instead of waiting until the next episode then the next and the next one after that!!!
Yes. 12 Years and I am cutting the strings and all. I have done whatever it takes to ensure that there will be no turning back for me and her. I won't want to be back at where it started and restart all over again. End this **** once and for all. They will threaten, blackmail and all as it is their style. Jus like any perpertrator, they don't have the guts to follow through the threats. They pick their victims knowing they can do it with you. I don't threaten.... I exact.
After experiencing the damage a sociopath causes and the joy they derive from it , I personally think the world would be a much better place if they would all eat a bullet. They are the definition of evil and should not be walking the earth.
I find it Ironic that you...the Non-sociopath can so easilly propose mass murder. I have been a positive force in the lives of My wife and family. Dd I kill and torture small animals? Yes. Did I bully kids In school? twist their arms behind their back to experience the sheer joy? of course. I can go down a list but, you get the picture. here is the thing...I am smart, I figured out that too Much of that kind of behavior, and it gets me noticed. And there are ways to derive the same sort of pleasure from acts that benefit those around me. So I help mediate an argument between My brother and his wife, help save their relationship for the short term so they do Not split the home give their children a world of hurt. You...On the other hand... a " normal" person... want me and everyone else like me to eat a Bullet, I.. a sociopath am a positive force, yes, for totally selfish reasons...camouflage.. the attention I get... the praise.. etc... and it helps my mask.." who him?? no way, nicest guy on earth." you on the otherhand advocate mass murder against a group of people that suffer from something we were probably born with... or over which we had zero say. makes me wonder which of us is actually worse.... at least I know what I am capable of... and avoid it... you on the other hand have rationalized why it is ok to murder a large group of people, and you would feel justified in your actions... hmmmm... sounds psycho to me. :P
You cannot wiggle your way out of being a loser extraordinaire. You and those like you are capable of causing only harm, and you don't genuinely care about other people, your "kindness" and "helping" is just a facade, so yes, we don't need the likes of you here; the previous poster is correct.
I agree with, I was married with one of that evil monster and in the end of the relation he tried at anyway to destroy, after he left me he made my life in hell, that was in a period of 3 months , he took everything from me, he trow me in the street with my two kids, he treat me. We was married for 5 years and he divorce me 3 months ago because he said I need to be happy. He had been married with me 5 times, had been in prision several times, he try to kill a policeman, never took care of his own kids and he cheatted at me like 3 or 4 times, he is know living with his last lover by the way she was married too and left her husband for this parasite. She saw me in the store back away and toll me hi is a good man, I didnt answer because I know what is the true.I still hurt but I am educating myself about this crapy people, going to counceling as well. I know nothing was my fault , He left me with bad damage but I feel relieve that he is not in my life anymore, my victory is groving more likr a person be happy and lef behing that nightmare. I know I am the light and he is the darkness. I he couldn,t swich off this light. Thanks for to read my life with a sociopath.
ASPD is a mental disorder you **** tard. It's not like they have a real choice. Instead of killing them, help them.
You've just proved yourself wrong by writing that post...
We are not evil. Just cause you have a bad experience with a black person, do you hate the whole race? each of us are different just like regular people. That ignorance is typical though. Your scared of what you don't understand. So why don't you educate yourself before to open your mouth. Otherwise you just spread ignorance. Fool
Your ignorance and refusal to see the world from any other perspective is what makes YOU the inferior one. I wish death on people, yes... but those who have earned it. It is a simple balance sheet, if they do, or have the potential to do the world grossly more harm than good (unjustified murder, rape, etc.) then they should die. Otherwise, why do you care? Have you ever questioned why this supposed Sociopath caused you harm? Of if it was even intentional? How do you know that they are a Sociopath? I find it highly unlikely that they admitted to you, in which case you are guessing. This is amusing, since one of the symptoms of a Sociopath is that they are so good at acting normal so that you can't tell that they are one.
Yes. If they are not abnormal or have very dark side to hide, why the need to act normal?
Self interest runs in normal people too. You may think you are a messiah, but we normals must protect ourselves from the rampant destruction you "non-humans" inflict on us. Most of your kind are evil and harmful--actually all. Your view of normals is right--we can be psychopathic and you are nothing but the unrestrained evil part of our personality. I also second joetrummet's judgement.
It's called brainscan--that's how you tell.
You say these things as if a sociopath has any control over his/her mental illness. No one chooses this and it is a very hard life to live. My fiancee is a sociopath and I came here looking for some answers and possibly support but I found an ******* like you. YOU are what is wrong with the world. He hates himself everyday he wakes up and wishes he could be normal. He can't and I found a great person despite his mental deficiencies. I learn to live with them and love the man he is.
Hey.... Miss.... They haven't missed you. Tell us all that in say maybe 2 years time. If you still have the ability to even think.
By the way... Take my advise. Don't go looking for answers cos you ain't gonna find one. 12 ******* years and guess what? You will find out through your own experience.
What an honest response! I now understand why the man I fell in love with, who I believe is a sociopath, goes around helping everyone all the time and seems to crave the praise he gets for it, while all the time treating me so badly. I now understand it is just part of his 'mask'. Thanks for that.
I hate to say this in this way but I agree with you 100%! They are a menace to society. Many more people need to be educated about them. They are life destroying predetors from hell and to hell they shall return. Most of them dont kill with guns, knives & chainsaws. No, no, no... instead they seek inocent people & go in thru the minds to destroy. They are always quite intellegent too. Very well disquised as friendly people. Very hard to detect too unless you know the basics of one. They love being who they are & thats about all they love. They often can be very successful in their carrers too. Its time for me to write a study on them to educate those who dont know what one really is. You need to know! They must be exposed to all. Watch joey10 to see my story to educate you if you dont already know. I will explain to you a very important lesson based on how my life was turned upside down & how I turned it back around because of a sociopath.
They are not ******* smart. I chew these people at my workplace for breakfast. They know to stay out of my way. The only mistake I ever made was to have emotions, empathy & the ability to love & give unconditionally. Minus these, I am their hell.
Merryjerry has givin us a perfect example of manipulating. Its what he and other sociopaths are experts at. It is unusual how ever that he admits being one. Most deny it to the end.
I am so sorry you went through that. I have shared some of your bad experiences and I hope that you will have a good life ahead of you. You are the light!
Once again I find myself laughing at your statements and can't help the grin on my face. Your hyperbole is a perfect mask for your fear and intimidation of our existence.
If we are so evil why has God allowed us to walk all over his creation? Is it because Satan is somehow empowering us or that we our possessed by demons? Any rational thinker would quickly dismiss those notions, and look to science to explain why we are here. Of course if your statements that "the world would be a much better place" and that we "should not be walking the earth" are objectively true, then why have we been allowed to hang around so long (and perhaps even multiply)? In the face of a widely accepted theory of evolution, we thrive. If you are right, then evolution should have kicked our butts a long time ago. Oh and if for some reason the collective group of "non-sociopaths" decides for whatever reason that they don't like us and attempts to get rid of us (which I believe is called genocide and is universally accepted by the modern world as BAD), just know that we will already be ten steps ahead of you and well prepared for whatever you have come up with.
You think you've been "damaged" already? Just wait to see what our next move would be : )
You sociopaths live a very sad existence... Do you realize this whole "winning" goal that you have for your entire life is NOTHING in comparison to loving someone? You act like you are so important... It's lonely at the top. The reason you feel you are so important is because in your eyes you are the only one who exists. I feel F****** Sorry for you. And evolution is a process, it doesn't happen over night. Sociopaths by nature live a life of destruction. Its very quick and easy to destroy but in the long run, do you know who wins? Life. My exboyfriend sociopath lived his life destroying those who let him into their lives. Do you know where he is now? 6 ft under. He just overdosed on heroin. So, he spent his life destroying and he ends up destroying himself. There you go, evolution. Don't get me wrong. I love him unconditionally, even though he was completely unable to love me back and only caused me heart ache and pain. If there was a way to cure him so that he could know what it feels like to connect with someone, I would. But as far as sociopaths being evil... I've never believed in God so much as I did when I saw my sociopaths true colors because if there is something that EVIL out there, then by nature and balance there is something that PURE AND GOOD out there. The balance of life, the Yin and the Yang.
You presume that you would be classified as Human. Genocide applies to humans. To be human is by definition to think, and in a civilised society it assumes that we think as "we" not "I". Evolution is progression. Once society develops a means to accurately test a persons real "empathy", is may become more important. For now, there are no limits to how low, some "humans" will stoop.
Lol, these always make me smile. I wish I could post links on here but I'll just quote the video I wanted to share: "Goooood, let the hate flow through you." Just look up Emperor Palpatine Family Guy on youtube.
To MissCBGB: Now that is a story that actually makes me feel warm inside. No seriously, not kidding. I for one identify myself as a sociopath and have done research on whether such a person as a "good sociopath" exists, and some of the articles I've read and evidence I've found point to: yes they do. I struggled for a little while once I suspected myself of being a sociopath, and I won't bore you with the middle details, but now I embrace it. I generally give people the benefit of the doubt and make no attempt to harm an undeserving individual. But if for whatever reason my trust broken with that person or group of people, I make it my mission to undermine them whenever possible. Surprisingly this occurs fairly infrequently, as I also tend to be a forgiving person (odd, I know) if the infraction isn't that severe. The capacity to love is also something I question. Most websites will have you believe that sociopaths are incapable of love. I tend to disagree, I think there is a gray area. A "normal" human may experience love in a way that emphasizes intimacy and passion (i.e romantic love) , with commitment on the back-burner. A sociopath with a high intellect is constantly striving to better themselves, yearning for my power and knowledge in whatever way they can achieve it, usually at the expense of others. But what happens when that individual grows bored or tired of the ongoing power struggle that exists in our world. No matter what that person accomplishes, there will also be someone that is richer, smarter, sexier, has a more beautiful wife, essentially more powerful than they are. An intelligent, rational thinker may come to the conclusion that it's just not worth it anymore and my explore other ways to live their life. So what about this "love" concept? Am I not allowed to experience it simply because I have been labeled a sociopath? To us, practically anything is possible so why not love? In the past we have probably been involved in relationships purely for the sex, money, status, or connections. First off, who doesn't like sex? Sex is great! But what else would a sociopath striving to experience love seek out? Intimacy might be the toughest part to achieve considering that attachment is not something usually associated with sociopaths. Over time, the desire to experience love with another individual may cause one's attachment boundaries to fall, or at the very least weaken. And when a sociopath admits to him/herself that they actually feel some sort of attachment towards another, more barriers will begin to fall (usually consciously) in the interest of exploring this new feeling of attachment. Keep in mind that at any time during this process, the sociopath can detach themselves at will if they feel that there is a significant fault in their partner. Just remember that while true perfection can never be achieved, we always try to strive for it.
Passion may come a bit easier for us. It drives our sexual attraction towards another. Like I said before, sex is great, something that I believe any human being would echo. If we think of passion and sex as a game then as a sociopath, one would want to win that game. In the real world, this translates to us putting forth enough effort in the interest of capturing the sexual attraction of our desired interest. If successful a mutual attraction will be achieved and both parties will experience all the wonders of sex. If the sex starts to get boring, a sociopath may simply decide that the relationship isn't worth it anymore and walk out. But if it was good in the first place, why can't it stay that way. I will go back to my analogy of it being a game. If someone employs the same strategy every time (say in a game of chess), then the other player will start to notice and play accordingly. This will eventually get boring since one party will always know what the other is going to do, so they can essentially always "win the game" if they desire. Who likes to win without a challenge? It's just not that satisfying. This goes for sociopaths and non-sociopaths alike. So what do we do? We change up our strategy, we invent new ways of playing, or play a new, more exciting game entirely. "Gotta keep the sex interesting" is something I'm sure you've heard of before. A sociopath will realize this and do whatever they can to keep it interesting. If their partner is too conservative or traditional, then this will probably be a breaking point. Who likes boring sex that is, in all honesty, just a routine, and plain not fun? What is the point of staying with someone if they are not willing to evolve with you? Passion is important for both individuals in the relationship.
Now comes commitment... At first, if the sociopath is truly interested in love, commitment should be a no-brainer. How can one expect to love another without the intention of staying with them? Like I mentioned before, a sociopath may have a reason for ending a relationship because of some flaw that they cannot get past. But this doesn't mean he/she should go into a relationship looking for flaws or expecting to find one. Rather the sociopath should begin the relationship with the intention of staying with that person. When some sort of failure presents itself, it is up to that person to decide whether or not it is something they can live with (or even embrace). Remember: flaws are what make us who we are, we all have them. It's just a matter of deciding "does this flaw affect me?" or "do I even care?" Recall what I said before about how a sociopath may come to the realization that they don't care about the power struggle anymore, so not caring about something is perfectly within their limits. So what happens when that time you have spent together with your significant other turns into weeks, months, years. The more time passes, the more the sociopath will become complacent and accepting of this new lifestyle. Now does complacence detract from the true feeling of love? Well for a sociopath who previously had other motivations for being with someone and would find any plausible excuse to leave, this is certainly a big change for them. They may realize that this is a much more pleasurable and worth-while life. Did the sociopath do this for their own self-interest? That's actually a hard one to answer being a sociopath myself. My idea is that at first the sociopath is simply interested in experiencing this feeling of love, something they should not be capable of, which (in my mind) would make one only want it more. This clearly points to self-interest as the motivating factor. However once they find themselves in a well-functioning relationship, things start to change. The sociopath may come to the realization that this new-found way of life is totally dependent on their partner and his/her happiness. This causes the sociopath to do uncharacteristic things that purely serve the interest of their partner. This makes their significant other happy, pleased, content, etc., which in turn translates to happiness for the sociopath. The sociopath achieves this happiness by a sense of knowing they affected the emotions, which is something sociopaths are well known for doing, yet in a positive way. Is this self-interest?... maybe. Who doesn't like the feeling of helping someone else feel happy? Why do we (all humans) tend to band together in the wake of a disaster to donate enormous amounts of money and goods and services? We don't do it because we like giving away our crap, nor do we do it out of a sense of civic duty. We do it because we know we are making the lives of another better (no matter how marginal it may be). This makes us feel important because we made a difference, and it gives us a sense of self-worth. So we keep our partner happy so that we may be happy, simple enough. And to really know how to keep your partner happy and ultimately the relationship genuine, one must form an honest bond with the other. Mutual happiness is a good thing. In the long term the goals and plans of both partners begin to seriously overlap. The sociopath must keep his/her goals grounded and realistic and make sure they don't jeopardize the relationship as a whole. He/she should keep in mind that the plans they make should benefit their partner whenever possible. This goes back to keeping your partner happy, but it does so much more. These shared plans whenever developed under the influence of a sociopath have the potential to be hugely beneficial to both partners. This is because the sociopath knows what to do to get ahead, and this means that not only will the sociopath profit but so will their partner as well as the relationship as a whole. Commitment is indeed very much within the realm of possibility for a sociopath given they understand what is required of them and what they may have to sacrifice.
So what does this all mean. If a sociopath finds themselves in a relationship that meets the criteria I have laid out, does that mean they have achieved love? First of all I don't consider myself to be an expert on love or relationships by any means, this is just my way of thinking. But what if there is some truth to what I have said? Is this really love, or is it something mechanically similar or even equivalent?
Well according to Robert Sternberg's Triangular theory of love, if the individuals involved in an interpersonal relationship exhibit three components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment simultaneously then it is described as "Consummate love." This is also known as the complete form of love, an ideal relationship, the "perfect couple." Whether this is genuine love or just a carbon copy remains up for debate. But what's the point of debating when both people are perfectly happy being a couple? What should also be noted is that consummate love is not permanent, and can easily degenerate into one of the lesser "forms of love." My believe though, is that a sociopath will realize this ideal type of love as highly preferential. Consequently, the sociopath will use all of his/her abilities to preserve this status.
So it stands to reason that a relationship involving a sociopath will be more adept at facing and overcoming otherwise daunting hardships that always tend to pop up in any relationship.
My personal conclusion: Love is attainable for any sociopath, myself included. All it takes is a little willpower and some self-sacrifice, something that is within a sociopath's capacity. All we have to remember is "give a little, get a lot."
Something I would like to discuss in the future is, what happens if two sociopaths find themselves attracted to each other?
Yeahhhhhhh, Hitler deserved a chance to.
Yes. They are just pure evil. Resorting to anything jus to annoy you. Even at the expense of their own children.
I am an empath and I agree it's not your fault and you learned how to control it, like my owner-boyfriend. Not too long ago, schizophrenics like me were killed and succumed to electro thereapy. I've studied psychology and have been with other sociopaths. The one I'm with now used to hurt animals and was abusive but now he wants to do better he takes joy in my smile and praise and the praise he gets from helping those that deserve it. He and you aren't monsters just misunderstood. This chick who wrote this reminds of women who become lesbians because from a few bad relationships they think every man is a "horrible abusive pig" .
I find it ironic how you, supposedly born with intrinsic empathy, can so easily wish harm upon those you do not understand. More accurate, being a sociopath means you start out with a lack of empathy and/or a conscience. What you do with it is optional. We are still human. You say we are the most vile parts of human nature, unfettered by your ideals of what is right. I started out from birth with a lack of empathy and a conscience. Contrary to your opinions, I have spent my whole life developing a sense of empathy, and have created a genuine conscience. I have a very specific and strict code of honor, and the other two I have met do as well. As for being a danger to society, I consider all to be under an unofficial truce until they try to harm (rape, molest, kill, intentionally injure) myself, or someone close to me. While I will admit love is a exceedingly rare emotion for me (only once) I have a strong sense of loyalty. I have emotionally hurt those I have dated; I dumped them after they said they loved me, because I knew I could not love them back. While I was with them, I treated them wonderfully, hence why they were upset when I ended things. I have never cheated on them, nor used them. I warned them all in advance of what I am, but quite frankly, they did not believe me. One even accused me of being an attention seeking drama queen when I tried to warn him in advance. Not my fault I am desirable.
On an imagined 1-10 scale, I think I'd easily make at least a solid "7" of a sociopath, maybe higher, and to be brutally honest, sometimes this represents a badge of honor for me, and sometimes it's extremely nauseating and painful to cope with. The anguish of my sociopathic tendencies usually follows shortly after I take a good look at the wreckage brought upon entirely by my own doing (ie the suffering in another), but while I'm in the process of destroying, I can't stop. I mean, I literally feel possessed, as if fire is running through me, a complete metamorphosis of character and abject impotence of my own body. It's as if I have some hardwired lust for vengeance that wants to 'beat the dead horse' to a puddle of blood, only to inhabit a tormenting state of regret thereafter. Never fails.
With time, I've come to learn how to say all the right things to people (although I also always keep an eye open for those who I suspect aren't buying my 'character'). I have a friend who used to tell me over and over that I ought to get into politics, which only strengthened my belief that I have some sort of demagogue lying inside of me (which, by my estimation, is, at the heart of it all, nothing more than a sociopath). I crave power, but not through the world of politics or anything having to do with dealing with large quantities of people on a regular basis. I'm far too much of a recluse anyway. I'm more into trying to sublimate my urges by reading, writing, drawing, working out, activities which don't require the presence of another person, but through which I can feel myself growing stronger, physically, intellectually.
And despite my small circle of friends, and the very few times I do go out, I have little to no problem holding conversations with people who live likes socialites and live and breath gossip and alcohol and status anxiety etc. As a sociopath, I recognize that it all boils down to 'language' - it's all just a learned language. Learn to speak the language and you can slip right in unnoticed. From there on out it's largely a question of endurance, which I tend to run out of by some point in the night, and then the whole glib mask charade is over - I need to get home because 'these people' sincerely disgust me and I've long since lost interest in charming them or whatnot. In the beginning, it's fun, it's challenging, it's exciting. Then the boredom rises to the top.
I've learned that being completely detached from society leads me straight into misanthropy, and being too close to people in general also leads me toward misanthropy and persuades my sociopathic self to come to life. I've come to accept that my own sort of 'negotiation', if you will, with society at large is to keep this necessary distance whereby I can still be a productive member of society while not causing harm to anyone. It's a delicate balance. Part of me wishes I could change, but I what I really desire is to live my life withou
(cont)...what I really desire is to live my life without causing anymore damage to anyone. It's disturbing knowing that something inside of you momentarily gets off on bringing pain and suffering to those you think (justly or not) deserve it.
You are doing an admirable job of monitoring yourself and as a fellow I applaud you. Please continue. But allow yourself to let off steam occasionally in small bursts. Make yourself the leader of an activity where being controlling is allowed. You will go unnoticed, and you wont have those episodes where the fire runs through your blood, and you feel high from the suffering of others.
Its safer than bottling it up, I have found.
Prometheus, thank you for your post Your explaination is uncomplicated. You recognize that you're lack of emotion is not normal, yet you try to fit in as best you can. It actually helps me in understanding my ex. There were so many unexplainable behaviors and now it all makes sense. In retrospect, he tried so hard to be normal. I think he even wants it, but I believe he started to realize I could see through the facade. Once that happened, he shut down - he changed a complete 180. Saying it was things on his mind and how exhausting it was to try NOT to bring it into my house. Of course, me standing my ground and continuously throwing is unhealthy behavior back at him, he eventually bailed. Now, I understand why such a charismatic, charming person has no friends or family members that like him. I hope one day, like you, he realizes that there is a pattern of destruction he leaves in his path and it's HIS causing, not someone elses (which is always his excuse). It would sure save a lot of heart aches for us empaths.
Wow, your honesty is simple, uncomplicated, and extremely profound.
To thine pended be true....awesome post and much appreciated!
rometheus18, you are 100% not a sociopath. There is no such a thing as sociopath-recluse. They are highly social creatures, because they can't stand being alone with themselves. Let alone contemplating avoidance to hurt others. They do exactly opposite, "cos they don't give a damn about suffering of other people. They can't grasp the concept of compassion. It's just an empty meaningless word for them... Most likely you are just an extreme introvert and indeed you are suffering from misanthropy. Take care of yourself )))
Introvert Sociopaths do indeed exist...
Sociopaths have to feed their enormous egoes. They need people to feed off, otherwise, they are depressed. They are experts at gaining your trust to attach their feeder. Trust me, you'll be feeling the pain soon, because they will not stop the feeding (lies, Stories, cheating), until you are dry. Then they'll just quickly move to the next victim without a second thought and leave you broken and hurting.
What about an introvert sociopath who doesn't need constant human interaction but rather prefers solitary to crowds? I do like to push peoples buttons sometimes, but most of the time you'll find me working, playing video games, watching videos on youtube, and posting in forums like these. I don't "need people to feed off," I just enjoy the occasional test of whether I can get into someone's head and how much they are willing to submit. Just another game to me, and I got plenty others at home to keep me busy.
sociopaths seek relationships because:
they enjoy manipulating, fooling, conning, playing, controlling, ******* with, humiliating, and abusing other people.
they also get bored easily and generally need to have sex (more than average due to high levels of boredom/perversion).
they also can't inflict suffering on others as acutely if they don't get to know them personally. oh, and, most of them enjoy being viewed as normal while gaslighting their friend or SO into thinking they are the crazy/****** up one.
basically, sociopaths like controlling/destroying others and having sex. this is why they seek relationships, its the best way to do both at once.
You wrapped it all up in that comment,Kole22. I thought I was nuts only to find he gaslit Me to everyone and mirrored on Me what he wanted others to believe, they really are great at projecting their misdeeds on others. They are maddening, especially the calm little voice telling you, "You are imagining things, I love you dear and only want what's best for you". All the while stealing you blind and poisoning you slowly with natural apple seed cyanide...
I agree with you Kole22, and I have done extensive research on personality disorders focusing on sociopaths.
I think you are right about the boredom and sex, but there may also be a higher than average hormone level going on as well.
I don't necessarily agree with Merry Jerry, however. Rest assured that many successful people have some sociopathic traits but would not be diagnosed as a sociopath or antipersonality disorder. With that said, I'm not sure why Mr. Merry Jerry thinks that sociopaths can't be touched..Really? I can go into specifics but why banter with you? Please don't underestimate those of us who aren't sociopathic but are intelligent and might just be one step ahead of a sociopath.
Non-sociopaths are just as intelligent as sociopaths. Often more so. But non-socios tend to let their emotions cloud their judgement if they are not logical people. Many sociopaths give up on finding intelligent normies and just assume they are all dumb.
It doesn't help that we're all kind of arrogant either.
Well to the **** (merry jerry) that says they have no free will to control this-
Bullshit. You have proved with your message that you have the ability to think. If you can think, then why can't you feel? Because you DONT WANT TO FEEL, that's why. You have no idea what it feels like to be human because you have not been brave enough yet to take that step and take responsibility for yourself. You claim to know what empathy is...but you take the easy way out by saying that you are not Capable of experiencing empathy? Wrong. You are capable. You can do anything you want. The reason WHY you have never experienced empathy, is because you have never chosen to. You've never once asked god to do the right thing for you life, or asked to be a good person. You've never once cared about what other people feel. As SOON as you stop being selfish and open your eyes, and realize YOU are HUMAN, and WORTHLESS without the rest of us (We are all one, so take away us and you have nothing) THEN and ONLY THEN Will you have any empathy. It's your choice. You want to be a ****? You'll be a ****! But we are all here and born into this world to learn NOT to be *****. So, the fact that you are a sociopath is not a bad thing. What would be bad, is if you were one forever and never evolved past that. But I don't believe it's possible, as you are part of us. If you have no soul, then that is a whole different story right there. That would mean you are not human at all, in any way shape or form. You're just a demon possessing a human body...whole at the same time, trying to fool us humans into thinking you're human. I don't believe that at all, but that is just a possibility I Guess. I have felt the love of god, and one thing I know for absolute certain is that Sociopaths have NOT felt this love, nor have they ever felt it. They are just lower forms of existence if you will, or need to evolve to be truly human. Only then can you "Activate" your soul or conscience, and make it into heaven. So, your selfishness has a major consequence, and god makes sure you aren't aware of this (Even me telling you will fall upon deaf ears) and that is NOT getting any pleasure, because you don't deserve it yet. Karma is a *****, but it was always our choice. You chose to do wrong, nothing right will happen to you.
In other words, you create your own empathy over time, with choices and experience. Genes are not the cause. Genes dictate what CAN happen to you, not what DOES. You are a complete fool merry jerry, but that's OK...we were all complete fools at one point or another. At least you are on the right track of admitting that you are a sociopath. Denial though is really within you because you already assume you KNOW for 100% that you cannot experience empathy. What a load of ****. You don't know jack ****, so wake up and try to learn. In order to learn you gotta ask a higher power within you for the truth. Try it! Try asking god for some empathy if you want to experie
Ladies and gentleman I present you, Doctor TillWhen. Unless you are a sociopath, do not even pretend you have even the slightest idea of how we are...on a lighter note, did it hurt when you pulled that bullshit from your ***?
Look I am mean to someone on the Internet it means i am a Sociopath!!
No it doesn't, you're just acting like a "bad boy" lmao ******.
Read my reply and please tell us a bit about yourself and your experiences with asking god (Your inner self) for the truth...
Ausweisen - Your envy is showing... ; )
Wow, you really need to get out of that happy-go-lucky, good times, everyone hold hands fantasy world you are living in.
First of all emotion is controlled by a certain part of our brain. If that part of the brain is damaged or wired wrong, then you will be psychically incapable of having emotions. This is just the way God made us, and I thank God every day for making me the way I am, and I can say with absolute certainty that I have felt his love. Trying to change someone who was born a certain way (a way that God had a part in) is just unnatural and could be equated to trying to force a gay person to reject his homosexuality and "go straight." Yeah, that's not the way it works. If we are all made in God's image, then perhaps God is somewhat of a sociopath him/herself. In actuality God is a perfect being beyond human comprehension. God is everything and nothing. God is love and hate. God is emotional and rational. God is the beginning and the end.
Wow thank you so much for this whole other way to see the world. I unfortunantly attract psychopaths and have deeply loved them and now one has custody of my 3 children. In seeking to understand the world and humanity and God there have been times that my love for my ex husband has caused me sorrow over the fact that he was born that way. It has felt like living hell dropping my children off with someone that has done to them what he has. Sometimes though... I have been thankful he is not higher on the violent and sexual side than he already is. He is a genius and himself makes a lot of money but his parents are very wealthy as well and have a little power. So in my attempt to understand how we could help the psychopath and their victims I started to ponder how to make the world a better place for both of us. What if the psychopath did not have to hide. What if children were taught that some people have feelings and some do not. Then parent their children appropriate to the group they fall in? So parents with a non feeling child that exibits violent behavior would teach the child that these things are against the law and you will have a punishment that will keep you from being able to get the things you want. Maybe if we stopped blaming them and hating them for being exactly what they were born to be and started helping them evolve into their next level of conciousness they would not have to lie to people to get what they want . So in this senario lets take an adult male psychopath that was raised in a way that is appropriate to his disability. This adult sees things in another adult that he would like to be able to use for awhile or maybe permanetly if they are suitable for each other...In a world where everyone knew that people had one big distinct difference besides gender and possibly race but some people were emapths and some were psychos and we learned about each types person then the psycho could just say I am a psycho. Then the other person would let him know if they were empath or psycho. Since the male psycho has initiated this encounter then he would just lay his cards on the table and the other person regarless of being empath or social could agree or disagree or try to compromise. They could reach an aggreement where the psycho is willing to preform some of the things on the other persons list and maybe some of the things the psycho wanted were not high in value to him and he would be willing to loose some. Maybe they lie because they have to and maybe they torture their victims at the end because of the torture they have felt their whole lives or have been shown on tv is what you do to people when you don't care and you have beaten them. I have more insight in this but need to get more formation on my ideas. Feedback on these possibilities would greatly help. I have created the "I attract psychopaths" group. I wil be reposting this message on that page for anyone would like to repond there as well.
I never blamed them for who they are. I have always tried to get them to understand their deeds and all through understanding and forgiveness and all. But then FUCKIT!!! These are something that they see as weakness and exploits them. For all the ******* good deeds they do, it must be something that is so ******* evident for everyone else to see. GET IT?
We were all psyco/socio before we decided to evolve... So therefore we know from person experience how WE ALL ARE before we wake up and get the picture and stop being manipulative cowards that are to afraid to love and would rather cheat steal lie manipulate abuse in otherwords continue to be a lowlife than take the chance of getting hurt. Probably because your all the other word for cats.
My first reply was to TillWhen and the second was to Ausweisen.
Wow, you're a ******* ****. As an empath I am disgusted by you. You think you're so different, that you're so special? Lucifer was the one who gave us free thought so thank him even though neither of them exist and and since you seem to believe in god you little sinner **** you should LOVE THY NEIGHBOR! It's disorder and it can't be helped with just a snap of your finger. You, are worse than a sociopath because you actually believe that you are good, you believe that because you can feel other peoples emotions it makes you human. You're higher power thinks you're a ****, *****. Burn in hell with the other people who think they're special
We cannot choose to show empathy. We CAN choose to polite and relatively kind to the other humans around us.
We are often helpful and kind and we also often do not believe in god until we have had our own enlightenment, which often never happens. Many sociopaths turn to religion in hopes of learning love. They NEVER find it. It isn't their fault. They don't believe because logic doesn't allow them to accept a mystical concept.
WE WILL NEVER FEEL EMPATHY. I REPEAT. Because that is genes. Being an *******- that doesn't even require being a sociopath.
I have recently just broken up with a person that I absolutely believe to be a sociopath. Without all the details, everything fits from the insistent lies, the control, the abuse, the manipulation, the charm, even aliases!
As I'm sure anyone that has been involved with a sociopath will know, the journey is a long and complicated story and one that is as difficult as it is painful in recalling.
Personally, I found I had so many unanswered questions. Things just didn't add up. Each time I would raise my suspicions about the validity of his stories, he always had a perfectly reasonable explanation and I found myself buying more of his lies. There were plenty of times that my gut instinct would scream alarm bells at me, but unfortunately I didn't listen to the warning signs nearly as much as I should have. I was engaged to this person after only four weeks! I thought this person loved me unconditionally and the expensive gifts and non
Near the end of this relationship, my family, friends and my counsellor were all very worried for my emotional, mental and physical safety. I look back over events throughout the relationship and wonder how I could have possibly been beguiled and not seen it when it was happening! I realise I am lucky to have escaped the spiderweb of the woven lies he spun and I appreciate that I had the strength in my wings to escape the peril of being eaten alive. As a result of the entire relationship being a constant lie, I had non
I got caught up in a whirl of attempting to draw strings together to make some sense, some logic out of any of it. In doing so, I came to conclude that its impossible to do. I could spend eternity and I would still be no closer to getting my answers. You simply just can't get truth out of dishonesty and deceit, it's as simple as that. One thing that played constantly on my mind is what gain or benefit did this person have from grooming me? Why was I a target? To be honest, out of all the unanswered questions I had, this was the cruncher for me! As I write this, I am still afraid for my safety so I have to leave details out in case he comes across this blog. However, I would like to share that when the realisation came upon me as to the reason why I had been groomed, it was like a beacon of light had opened. I knew the reason why! I now had some truth to this tattered story of my broken heart! I had been groomed by this person because I had looked up to him! I was inspired by him and he knew it! He groomed me for my worship, for my awe and admiration I had!
When these things started drying up, apparently so did I. He became bored with me, no longer happy with me and I knew that he had already found his new fly. There is nothing you can do for these type of individuals. They are untreatable and the best advice I can give is, get out while
I read your experience and thought you must have written my experience for me! I dealt with all the same lies etc. from a sociopath. He was so charming, I questioned if I was too harsh. He is a true to the bone sociopath, with forcing himself on me non stop to gain my love and trust, until he found another and quickly moved to the next victim. I do think they deserve a bullet. They are pure evil. I feel sorry for the other woman, she is in for a nasty experience. Every time he opened his mouth it's a lie that came out. I found out he was seeing several people. My question is "Why?" He put so much effort into deceiving me, it was a big production, like a joke, playing a part in a play. A real preditor. If you see the signs, run like hell and never look back!!!
Feel free to message me, Wontlookback, if you would like to talk more about it. Several months on from my break up, I have come through a lot of the trauma already. At one point I didn't think I was ever going to feel any amount of healing. But it does happen. Again, the offer is there if you would like or need.
At some point in the sociopath's early life they were hurt, and resentment set in. They vow to themselves never to let that pain reach them in that way, ever again. When they are in relationships, they want to love and trust, but don't know how because love means fear of pain and trust means fear of manipulation. So, before it can happen to the sociopath, they make sure that they get what they want and need from the relationship/experience. In the process, the sociopath learns and has learned that it is easy to use and take what they want and spare themselves the emotions. Now, the feelings and pain of being used or abused they despise as a weakness, is what they see in their (for lack of a better word at the moment) victim. The pain seen and or experienced by their victim is a reminder of how "stupid" they were when they felt it, and the respect (if any to begin with) is lost for the victim, who cluelessly and willingly supplied the fuel for the trap, disguise, theft, abuse to work.
Not all sociopaths are evil, by any means. Speaking for myself, I try to use my "skill-set" to help others. I can use and abuse people (sometimes I still use, but I don't abuse, and if I use, I try to give something 'the other party feels is equal' but it is less than they gave), but instead, I offer them truth and honesty, and a friendship they have not had before. Because, I don't want anything from them (no emotional or needy attachment), so my "friends" feel free to be who they are, and understood. I show them what they need and want to see, but I am honest (blunt and blatent) about what is what. They respect my truth, and see it as a benefit.
Being an individual, means you're not like anyone else and given that no one has the same DNA, it stands to reason that the varying ranges of personalities of all people, means we cannot pigeon hole a single individual, it means those with sociopathic behaviours are also each different to each other, not one sociopath is the same as another, just like every other individual.
A sociopath can be a very loyal friend, the best parent, and a kind and considerate partner, and they can be of any gender.
They can also snap into a killing machine in the bl
After an outburst, and in the split second leading up to the outburst, they truly believe their outburst was completely justifiable, they don't see for a second their instant violence may have been an over reaction to the circumstances, they only know happy or kill modes, there is no in between.
Unless someone constantly reminds them and makes them aware of these facts, they will never begin to change.
They do have feelings, but they've been condemned for all of their lives because of their unacceptable, but to them, justifiable behaviour, so that eventually and at a very early stage of their lives, the constant condemnation adds further damage, isolating them, increasing their confusion and fueling their over the top, extremely violent reactions to any kind of obstruction, criticism, or attempts to chastise.
They have good intentions, they mean well, they're all about doing the right thing, but they go about it in such a way, they appear to be controlling, when that's not their intention at all, which is why they shatter when their good intentions cause others to feel overpowered by them and they try to put the brakes on them.
Any resistance to what they perceive as a good thing, is like being slapped in the face for inventing penicillin. No body wants to be punished for doing good, and I agree, no one wants anyone doing good with a bulldozer approach, so we have equally offended people clashing, with one party lacking any kind of restraint.
Psychological illnesses and damage aren't like any other injury, you can't put a splint on the mind like you can a broken leg. Therefore the damaged mind isn't obvious like any other kind of injury, and worse than that, it brings with it behavioural problems which seem deliberate, when in fact, the sufferer isn't at all aware of the offensiveness or even what appears to be the deceitful behaviour of their mental illness or injury.
My words will do nothing about curing this problem, but I hope they at least allow a little more understanding of the individuals suffering from, and subsequently those having their lives impacted upon by any sociopaths unintentional, and uncontrollable behaviours.
@ openNhonest. What kind of Disney-inspired crap is this? A few things that stood out:
"they only know happy or kill modes, there is no in between." Oh really? Well, that explains my 50+ and counting body count, lol.
"Unless someone constantly reminds them and makes them aware of these facts, they will never begin to change." Please, do not ever, ever become a counselor, a shrink or life coach. That advice will get someone hurt. And at the very least, a sociopath will just discard them and move on to someone else. Long story short? It's a waste of time that could come with consequences.
"They have good intentions, they mean well, they're all about doing the right thing, but they go about it in such a way, they appear to be controlling, when that's not their intention at all, which is why they shatter when their good intentions cause others to feel overpowered by them and they try to put the brakes on them." WTF are you talking about? This is probably the dumbest thing you said. Good intentions? Yes, good intentions for ME. Not you, them, him or her...ME! I don't "appear controlling", I am controlling. I control my world and those in it. That is how I go about fulfilling MY intentions for MYSELF. And we feel shattered? Jesus Christ. Where are you getting this stuff? Let me give you a little knowledge that you can put in your pipe and smoke. Humans want to be controlled. Either through their friends, boss, government, pastor, spouse..you get the idea. They have a need for someone to come in and tell them the rules. How to think and act. And when they should think and act. Now take that information and spin it around in your head. If we make a person feel over-powered, it's either intentional and with good reason or because we might have over-estimated the situation. If it is the latter, we don't apply "brakes" we maneuver by taking a detour. We don't ever stop.
Lol, sociopath sympathizers. Always naive and idealistic. Speaking for myself, I don't need nor want sympathy for sociopaths. The only time I need or want sympathy is when I'm conning you. Careful, you would be a perfect target for someone like me. I WOULD take your sympathy and use it against you. In a very intentional and controlled manner. Oh yeah. I'm not suffering. I bring suffering. Intentional is middle name. Everything I do, I do for a reason.
Hmm, but maybe you're right. Would you like to be friends? Maybe you could help me be accountable for my actions. :-)
You ask what kind of crap my comments are? They are my views, they were put for those who may have been able to relate to them. Clearly you don't accept my views, and that's fine with me, but instead of your childish abusive outburst, why didn't you offer something civil and constructive? For the record, I stand by every word I've written because they are applicable in many cases. Like any kind of ailment, there are a wide range of individuals, personalities, and levels of affect. I did my best to generally cover those cases where some understanding may have been of assistance, but in your case, I get the impression you don't want assistance or a way of helping yourself cope with your problem, because you clearly have a need to hold onto your excuse for your lack of control. You have proven my example of two modes absolutely correct, you state you can con as you call it, or behave as I'd define it, and you have demonstrated this in your writings, where you show absolute loss of control or your foul uncontrolled behaviour. From where I'm standing, that would be one extreme to another, which in my books is two modes, happy or violent, which is pretty much what I siad but which you chose to take literally so you had an excuse to vent and feel powerful. I'm not intimidated by you, because I know you're crying out for help. You're not well, you really do need help, but from what you've said, it seems to me you've become your own psychiatrist, and that's not a good thing. As for your analysis of the way the world works and the people in it, there are leaders and followers, and this isn't a bad thing, but there are also saboteurs, these are people who contribute absolutely nothing, all they do is go about destroying the efforts of others in the nastiest way they can. Which of these three groups do you belong to?
Your views display flagrant ignorance. That's the problem. Opinions aren't truths. Sociopaths are NOT killing machines. That would be a psychopath. Is a sociopath capable of murder? Absolutely. Would murder be easier for a sociopath? Probably. HOWEVER, a sociopath is no more drawn to murder than anyone else.
Society is filled with sociopaths. Politicians, lawyers, businessmen. They are all around us. Most of them wouldn't physically hurt a fly.
Rubbish, you are ignoring the varying affect of every individual, there are all kinds of sociopaths, some acceptable and others far from it.
Your statement in itself is correct, but your rejection of my views isn't.
I love you, but if you don't do things my way, I'll kill you, lol.
Out of the countless posts I have read on this site you are the only person so far (this is including the few other sociopaths ) that has pegged this 100%. (merry jerry also has some validity to what hes saying )
Hi openNhonest ,
thank you for your great comment! I really appreciated it ))
I've spent about two years profoundly researching the subject of "moral insanity" (sociopathy, borderline/narcissistic/histrionic/antisocial personality disorders), because the person I'm emotionally involved with is suffering from one of those (or maybe all of them) conditions ; ((
And I must tell you that your comment by far is the best insight I've ever read. It is most interesting and sober. So, thank you again!
I've managed to find a lot of great comprehensive material on this topic, but one particular article really caught my attention, because unlike the others it gets to the bottom of psychology of the abuser and reflects the inner-world and true motivations of these people.
Your comment shares the same value, giving the view from perspective of the sociopaths without simply demonizing them and sticking labels. I think its really important for understanding this phenomenon, regardless of one's intentions.
Mine is to help or at list to cope with condition of the woman I love. Very often it seems totally futile due to her extremely volatile nature, but there are rare moments of joy we have a chance to share. It's good enough for me.
I don't let her slide anymore and I'm trying to keep her violent outburst in check and imposing limits on her behavior. Her initiate reactions are obviously unpleasant, but after some time I've noticed certain positive changes in her. It seems that she is trying to get through something without realizing what it is. It's great to notice that she feels more secure with me now...
The article I've mentioned is titled "Abuser and Victim...Alike?" by Dr. Irene Matiatos http://www.drirene.com/abuservs.php
I hope you'll find it interesting. Thank you again!
Kindest regards ; ))
LaFleur888, I think openNhonest is correct in this instance. Why don't you offer something useful and intellectually viable instead of mounting personal immature attacks on the person who just simply expressed his point of view related to the topic?! And in my opinion his comment is brilliant. I think you have no any other choice, but to hide behind the mask of that cynical ***, 'cause you are not able to offer anything else... I would like to point out to you one simple fact: feelings of love, compassion and justice that I'm capable to experience is the highest level of evolution and they didn't just appear out of blue, but a result of the millions of years of development of human psyche. How their pathological absence in you makes you superior than normal loving and caring people with souls and conscience?! Try to put it in your pipe and smoke. Our intelligence is important, but our feelings are precious, because they are an attempt of the universe to understand itself. Not being part of it is truly sad. You are just a shadow of the human being and you can not even claim that you are alive, because those who never loved never really lived. I can be hurt, I can suffer, but I can say what it means to be human, what nature intended for me to be. Can you say the same? You can't, because you are just a malfunctioning surrogate without human soul. You live inside an uncomfortable and never-ending cycle of denial and self-deceit which force you to hurt others in order to feel sort of importance. Your self-esteem and self-respect are severely compromised and deep down, you feel like a cad. No amount of denial can justify treating others poorly. This translates into your lack of inner peace and consequent inability for you to sit still and be with yourself. "Winning", "getting over" and other types of power play are just substitutes for your low self-esteem... I feel sorry for you, mate!
Thank you, OpenNhonest, for your insight.
Feeling shattered, LaFleur888?
@ openNhonest I totally agree with you as I am married to a sociopath. I read many threads and have to say my husband didn't share a few of the things others did. when you talked about them meaning well by what they did but using the wrong approach was dead on for me. The way he chose to discipline and or deal with certain situations was extreme but would always say I just want the best for our children btw 3 out of 4 has nothing to do with him. I am separated from him while I have an 18 year old and her 2 year old still living with him but is preparing to leave because he's too much to deal with. the moods swings are unbearable.
Although "LIKE" does not mean I like you, but I like your response to openNhonest...who is either a sociopath who thinks we can't tell OR has a serious case of "head up a&&"...your response was right on the mark....I have lived with a sociopath and YOU made sense!
I see and agree with your point of view. What I'm struggling with is what to do. I am having a hard time accepting that the person I thought I knew was intentionally hurting me. I wish I could help him but everything I've read so far tells me that there is nothing I can do so I better protect myself.
Wow! Very eye-opening!
Being an individual, means you're not like anyone else and given that no one has the same DNA, it stands to reason that the varying ranges of personalities of all people, means we cannot pigeon hole a single individual, it means those with sociopathic behaviours are also each different to each other, not one sociopath is the same as another, just like every other individual. Where the **** did you get these ideas from? True. But the **** they all have the same intentions. Get it?
I have dated 2 sociopaths, had one family member that was one and also grew up with one whom I was best friends with for years from school. What they all seem to have in common is the love to annoy and frustrate people. Just as an empath would enjoy making someone happy they in turn enjoy seeing people frustrated, getting negative reactions or creating dramas (which can be blatant lies just for the thrill of it) which they are the main attraction.
The purpose is for attention to get people to dance to their tune as they are the starring role in their imaginery world of lies and deceit and quite frankly no-one else matters.
omg i completely agree with you. i have a cousin whom is always pushing my buttons. i never understood why he did it, when i was always so nice to him and so generouse with him till one day he confessed to me that he had fantasies of torturing another person to death. like at work when he has to change the oil (he is a chef) he imagines throwing a pot of burning oil at this girl and watching her scream and burn. that scared me so much i never saw him the same after that day. i realized he was a sociopath. thats why he enjoyed seeing me frustrated he enjoyed doing anything and everything to get under my skin.
look for drama..ask them a straight forward question and watch them squirm..they have no conscience, don't care of the consequences..stay away from them...one in 25 people are socipaths. i have had them try to get me fired..read the Sociopath next door..many times you will see a team of them..one acts like the brain and puts the mouth up to do the dirty work while their hands stay clean
finished the book last night, awesome work. Although I have to say she seems Like an alarmist. Also her contention that ALL sociopaths are dangerous is totally untrue. Sociopathy is a condition, or a syndrome, but then again... diabetes is also a condition, and hypochondria a syndrome, and yet, neither forces people to commit anti-social acts. Freedom of will is always there. How much will power a sociopath exerts to curtail or hide antisocial behavior depends on How much they wish to NOT be seen, recognized or go to a mental hospital, or prison. I speak from experience since I am one of the 4 %. Is it MORE likely than not that a sociopath will be a destructive force in your life? maybe, ...Not being able to feel anything for someone any more than you might feel for a comfortable pair of shoes seems to indicate it might...but...I for one take really really good care of my shoes... so maybe not. Remember... sociopathy does not force someone to be evil, or behave in hurtful ways, it makes it more likely..but then again... flying increases the chances of dieing from plane crashes...what you gonna do? drive everywhere? Stay safe, and don't worry too much. Stout is very well researched, but kind of alarmist... maybe she wants to sell Lots of books?
I have a question for you. A few years ago I dated a sociopath. He has recently passed away. My question is, do sociopaths feel any type of emotion at all? I've read the answer is no, but then I hear that you care for people in the same way you care for objects. Or you feel 'good, happy' when you successfully manipulate someone. I'm just wondering what the level of your feelings are. I heard our break up was hard on him from his sister. I am sure this was a way to gain sympathy from people and to paint me as the bad guy - which worked... I'm just wondering if their was a small piece of him that cared. I wish I could fully understand the depth of your emotions or how you feel/think. I am highly emotional which no doubt makes my life very difficult... So it's hard for me to imagine what have no emotions would be. No emotions or low emotions I guess is what I'm wondering. It seems like negative situations make you feel emotions - ex. manipulation, control etc.
Sociopaths are inherently dangerous by definition sir. Even the ones who recognize their affliction and try to be positive...there is still the underlying abusive nature of a masked liar, and someone who drives you crazy by getting to know peoples weaknesses and preying on them in a way that drags them down far more often than any genuine boosting. Defined, sociopaths are on a sliding scale, so maybe you arent as bad as some. The sociopath in my life was a level 10.
My father is a pyshopath, I just realized that a few years ago. Consequentally, all 4 of my serious relationships have been with these creatures, since they cannot love they are "its" not human. What they seek in long term relationships is the appearance of normal. My father has been married to my mom for 40+years he appears,to be loving hard working etc. But in reality is perverse and grotesque. I recently remember his awlful disgusting perverse abuse and other evil wicked things he has done. I pray to God every night for justice and I know it is coming. Short term relationships they want sex sex and to be worshipped by thier girlfriend they are thrilled if they can fool you and make you love them so they can dump you in the most hurtful, humilating way. They want to destroy you in the worse possible way. Emotional destruction is easier and safer can go to jail for breaking heart, but if they can kill you and get away with it the definitely will not question about it. My father has tried to kill both me and my mom but of course she and no one else believes me. If you know one RUN and NEVER trust or engage them at all. They are not mentally ill they are just born evil envious empty,egocentric,perverse,vampires. I wish the general public was made aware of these monsters so we could stay clear of them and they could stop breeding. It is a genetic condition. One of my ex boyfriends whole family except for 3 people were all pyschopaths.He has a 8 yr kid definitely pyschopathic !!!
Scared much? And i'm not sure, but are you suggesting genocide?
What is the best way to hurt a sociopath, or can they not be hurt? Exposing him as a sociopath? Exposing his lies (which are ridiculous btw!) Or playing his games and me winning instead of him? He knows that I know hes a sociopath now so at least hes been found out and judged :) (He didnt like this and accused me of all the things he has done).
To hurt a sociopath? Well, I've been trying to figure that one out too. You cannot win if you play their games. They have practicing those games all of their lives. The best way, I think, is to get as far away from them as you can and live your life well.
Posh, let me start by saying not all sociopaths commit evil deeds. Not being able to connect emotionally with others around you is just that... a condition, and yes, it does make it likely that we will commit antisocial acts but it is NOT something we MUST do. Having said that. You need to understand when a sociopath looks at you, you and your feelings and your desires do NOT exist. He is just as Likely to skin you alive as kiss you.. depending on what he wanted you for. The ONLY limiting factor to us is.." will I enjoy or learn from it, ... and..can I get away with it without getting caught...or...if caught can a good lawyer get me off. On the scales of things, your feelings, emotions...tears... or concerns as well as the concerns of those related to you...or those that love you, mean less than zero.
Do not try to " beat " him. Do not let him get the impression you will try to expose him. even if you do.. make sure he never knows. Trying to " beat" a sociopath is inviting him to see you as a threat.... we kill threats because they might inconvenience us. that your families will suffer... does not deter us. And the fact is... it might amuse us. Trust me... leave the guy alone... live a Long life.
The best way to hurt a sociopath is to leave them and no longer be under their control. That is what sociopaths want. Save yourself the heartache and run! Trust me I just got away from one it took me two years and now I see I could never have beat him at his game. They lie manipulate and make you feel like the bad guy...always!! Good luck to you.
if you have kids together, get him neutered/spayed so they will not move on and make more misery, more babies. Never ever drop your guard. they consider kindness a sign of weakness. *never believe anything they say or promise.
*use the courts quickly and protect yourself with good planning
*don't delay. your delay will give them the chance to direct any and every destructive resource against you.
*never trust them with your money or other resources.
Get far away, get a sniper and shoot them. They won't know it was you.
You are not a Sociopath.