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My fiancee of two years left almost two weeks ago, moved back in with her parents about an hour and a half away. We've smoothed out the initial hurt feelings, etc. and have decided to just be "separated" for a little while, however long it takes to "work on our issues." I'm not retarded, I know what my issues are...but does anyone have any idea about separation etiquette, or what else we need to try to accomplish while we're apart. I love her and don't want to lose her forever, but I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now other than counseling. Is there a book I should read? Should I call her? How do answer questions about what I've been doing if I think she'll get jealous? Should I date? I know a lot of this is just stuff we're going to have to figure out, but I'd love to hear your experiences and advice.
donquixote11 donquixote11 26-30, F 11 Answers Jun 13, 2009

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Correct your own weaknesses, turning to her with positive thoughts and realize those thoughts, then the law of attraction will play its good part.<br />
The secret of all success is love, especially selfless love.

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I am going to advise you not to call...Is she calling you? For some reason a man that wants his woman back would do anything, but the woman feels overwhelmed, that is why she moved so far away from you...While you are separated the best thing to do is focus on your carreer and take care of yourself..If she feels that you are the one for her, then she'll most likely reach out...<br />
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Dont be stupid and date other women, show her that you can be the bigger person and that she does not control your emotions..whether with her or not, you will still manage to be OKAY!! If anything I would drop an email once in a while...(every 2 weeks)..Talk about something that you've heard in the news, or something you learned...dont bring up the relationship at all..dont be like, "Honey I miss you, Can I see You" NO...that doesnt work..she needs to feel what its like to be without you..You need to show her Outside of her, you still have a LIFE TOO...Go out with your buddies, gym..sports whatever...Absolutely No Dating other women, that will just complicate things...<br />
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Like I said, If she feels you are the man for her, she will come back if not, I just hope shes upfront and honest and doesnt dragg you for a long time.

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Do what you feel like as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others. Let her go and let her call the shots. Give her space and wait till she comes back. Don't push or pressure her. It could be that she needs time to think and decide.

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no dating<br />
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ring twice a week to share some of the things that happened through the week....not to beg or whinge about separation<br />
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work hard on your issues and stay open to hers<br />
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Books....Men from mars/Women from venus<br />
Dr Phil....relationships<br />
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good luck !

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Thats a hard one seperation before you get married.<br />
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I would give her about a month to figure things out. Then I would ask her what she wants. Tell her what you want. This needs to be fixed before you get married. Divoice is hard enough when you both want it. I don't want you to go there.

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If she is serious about how she feels about you than perhaps you could go to couseling. Otherwise just go about your life, exercise and take care of you. If she wants you than she will come around, if not you don't need that push and pull business anymore. Too many other fish in the sea to play games. Be honest but don't out yourself in a vulnerable position either. Ask her what she expects, repeat it to her out loud to make sure you "are understanding her correctly." Than tell her what you are expecting from the relationship and seperation. Communication is key...

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Find someone else. Separations rarely work.

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I totally agree with C8lorraine! If you don't want to lose her then you need to let her know you are going to do what it takes to get her back, like reading books on it, and working out your problems. And not dating! She should know that she is the only girl you want to be with.

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You decide. Can I live the rest of my life without this person? If the answer is yes, then you move on with your life. but definately give yourself time to grieve your loss. If the answer is no, then you work things out. together. If you both have different answers, then you both need to go your own ways. <br />
Good luck!

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i would think calling once or twice a week would be okay. get it straight between the two of you exactly where the line is on seeing other people. i mean EXACTLY. that's probably the number one thing that turns a separation into a breakup. some people might not agree with this one, but i think a once a week in person visit maybe for an hour or so would be a good idea as long you don't fight. once you have an argument, stop the visits. i don't know of any books, but i'd take some time finding out what you like, or rediscovering an old hobby, or trying something you've always wanted to do but never did it. i guess that's about it. good luck.

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