Accept that they are stuck, be the best person you can be, keep the door open, respect where they are at, know that it can take time, apologize if needed, and love them.<br />
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On the apology issue. Many people say, "I didn't do anything wrong. I have nothing to apologize for." From your point of view, that is true. From your child's point of view, it is not true. So what is more important, being right, or accepting that your child was hurt by something you unintentionally did or didn't do? Honor their pain. Be the adult. Say, "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I love you and didn't mean too. What can I do to make it better?" or something along these lines. If their request to make amends is reasonable, do it. If it is unreasonable (I've heard of kids wanting parents to mortgage their home and give them the money. Not reasonable.) keep your boundaries and refer back to paragraph one.<br />
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Good luck.

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It depends what happened in the past. Some things are just hard to let go of.

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Fine! I'll cut my hair! Now take it easy Mama!

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lack of information what past

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My mum has the same problem with me. Whether its a particular long enduring situation that happened in the past or even just a few words that were said in some meaningless fight I can hold things against people or dwell over my own actions that I took in handling situations. For example I'd bring up something mean she once said to me, which is quite often 'go live with your father and never come back' or it might not have anything to do with her when I dwell over the past which is to do with my ex. Either way I can see that she gets frustrated with me as she wants me to be happy and move on and due to me not letting go of the pass I have become quite argumentative so it puts a strain on her and I's relationship. The best advice I can give you is go to family therapy with her... thats what me and my mother did and it really did help us understand each other AND helped us sort out our own problems with the support of each other... I still find it hard to let go of the past but I find it so much easier to deal with it now that my mum understands... hope everything goes well for you and your child...

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At some point, our grown children have to learn to accept us as being just the humans that we are. If they can't do that, then there's nothing you can do assuming you have worked hard to make amends for the past. There's nothing left for you to do but to step back and let them take the road they feel they must follow. It's very sad if you want the relationship but there has to be a reconciliation of the past to move forward.

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sit down and talk about the past, theres a reason your grown child feels this way.

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See if they will go to therapy with you- I won't talk to my mother unless ahe does and accepts responsibility for her abuse

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