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What do you say to someone who is diagnosed with cancer, outlook grim? I'm a nurse and often work with cancer patients.

Cancer patients go through so much! I often have someone emotional in the office. I want to say and do the right thing. Has anyone here been in this situation or had a family member there? What is it that someone said or did that meant so much?
I know everyones situation is different, Im just wanting to be more prepared next tome.

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8 Answers to "What do you say to someone who is diagnosed with cancer, outlook grim? I'm a nurse and often work with cancer patients."

  1. ladee59 - 56-60 years old - female

    Posted by ladee59 May 9th, 2012 at 4:00AM

    Underrock? I think you are very special person....Compassionate comes to mind here..Thank you for taking the time to not only humble yourself to ask questions but that you did it for your pasients best interests.

    I am a breast cancer survivor and I would like to say that you attitude for vibing off your patients is about as good as it gets.Use your instincts to guide you,and you will be surprised at the outcome.....
    People are all unique and their needs are not the same as the next or the one before so,treat them as an individual as you have been doing....

    Blessings to you hon,you are truly special...:)

    Like (3)

  2. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 9th, 2012 at 6:44AM

    Thank you! I appreciate that so much! I love my patients! They are working so hard to add more days to their life! Some of the stories are enough to send you to your knees... We are grateful for positive outcomes!

    Like (1)

  3. hopefullcynic - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by hopefullcynic Sep 1st, 2012 at 4:40PM

    I am a cancer colorectal survivor and I think it is key to be genuine and concerned. A newly diagnosed person is still working through denial and will only be hearing a small amount of what you are saying. If I could give one special thing you can do, it would be to give them contact info to ask you questions later. but only if you have the energy to follow up. The people I still count as friends are the ones who left the door open for me. I could list a stream of facts about how treatments are making people live longer but that is not often the comfort being sought. the medical community is great at prolonging the quantity of life without listening to the patients wishes about the quality of life. Thanks for asking the question, many don't consider the patients feelings well.

    Like (2)

  4. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock Sep 15th, 2012 at 11:30PM

    That is a really good point.. without a doubt thst is how medicine thinks.

    Like (1)

  5. mjt550 - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by mjt550 May 8th, 2012 at 6:46PM

    My wife is both a two time cancer survivor and works in a cancer research hospital. You tell them a diagnosis is not a death sentence and that much of the success of their treatment depends on their outlook.
    This is a personal decision everyone has to make on their own. Some people decide to fight and live a long time, others give up as soon as they are diagnosed and go quickly. I suspect you already know this from your experiences.
    You have to inspire courage and trust in their doctors and nurses and that the very best is being done for them. This is difficult when the treatment (such as chemo) causes all the terrible side effects, but you have to give them hope that better days are coming and that their family depends on them to fight and survive.

    These are very easy things to say, if you have not been in their position, and they will realize that. But you could be offering them the slim hope they need to carry on. Do your best, that's all you can do. What happens after that, happens.

    My great uncle was given six months at best. He lived another six years and taught himself to play the violin after his diagnosis.

    Like (2)

  6. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 8th, 2012 at 6:58PM

    Yes, attitude is crucial! Family/friend support is such an important part of treatment as well! Educating pts about what to expect is helpful. Listening to their desires, and giving them what they want when you can makes it easier to bear. I try...and hopefully learn from each pt.

    Like (1)

  7. lukebryanfan94 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by lukebryanfan94 May 8th, 2012 at 6:42PM

    It seems like your doing pretty good,just answer question sif they have any,or just be there to support them if possible!

    Like (2)

  8. Serenitree - 66-70 years old - female

    Posted by Serenitree May 8th, 2012 at 6:39PM

    My mom and dad both died of cancer. They both told me that they didn't need me to SAY anything. The important thing was that they NEEDED to be able to talk about it. Most people didn't want to hear what they were thinking or feeling. Everyone was trying so hard to say something encouraging and all they wanted was to talk; not be told how a cure is just around the corner.....yadayadayada.

    Like (2)

  9. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 8th, 2012 at 6:41PM

    Okay, thats good to know!

    Like (1)

  10. Cosreal - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by Cosreal May 8th, 2012 at 6:33PM

    all I know is I wouldn't want my last moments of my life of people feeling sorry for me or being depressed around me or towards me.

    how would you want to be treated?

    Like (2)

  11. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 8th, 2012 at 6:39PM

    Idk. I try to just vibe off the patient. if they like making jokes, we laugh, if they cry, we hug, if they are anxious, i answer questions, or just listen.

    Like (1)

  12. Cosreal - 26-30 years old - female

    Reply by Cosreal May 8th, 2012 at 6:40PM

    there you go. all you can do really. :]

    Like (1)

    1 more reply
  13. justjlinn - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by justjlinn May 8th, 2012 at 6:33PM

    Honestly, there is not a "right thing" to say to someone who is going through something like that. Especially if you have not gone through it. I would just tell them that you are sorry and that you are there for them if they need anything. Support is the most important thing, often when people have cancer they feel alone. Do whatever you can to help them not feel completely alone.

    Like (2)

  14. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 8th, 2012 at 6:39PM

    Good point, making ppl not feel alone...

    Like (1)

  15. SoulSucker - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by SoulSucker May 8th, 2012 at 6:33PM

    There's no one right thing to say to someone in that situation. Sometimes it's just better to say nothing at all.

    Like (2)

  16. underrock - 31-35 years old - female

    Reply by underrock May 8th, 2012 at 6:40PM

    True

    Like (1)

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