Sometimes the most hurtful is the silence from a ( voluntarily) absent parent.
Stop that! Other people have REAL reasons to be sad. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I'm aSHAMED of you!
You shouldn't hang out with her ~ she looks like a lesbian and people will think you're gay.
You can't be too picky. (Just settle...)
Oh good, you don't want to go out for your birthday, so I can keep this money that was for you...
Cameras don't lie. You should lose weight.
Forget him. Get over it.
What are you doing crying? Stop that!!!
Being upset like this isn't normal - have you called the doctor yet? You've cried twice in a few days.
You're starving? You can have A Raisin.
You don't need That.
That's not a flattering ________ for you.
Just pretend you're superior to people you hate.
Make an illegal u-turn. Oh damn
Make yourself cry when the cop comes over
Ungrateful, worthless, ugly are horrible things to say 2 any child
I think the one thing that my Mom said to me that got me as a child to hit myself was: "Get out of my sight! I can't stand to look at you!" with her finger pointing at my bedroom door.
That particular gem was usually delivered on the end of a tirade of screamed invective that included adjectives like "selfish," "self-centered," and modified nouns like "little brat."
I usually had to have forgotten to do something several times, or be malingering, which I honestly did-I wanted to go play, not do chores, after all. Or I didn't do them to her standards-I got one dish dirty, I got to do them ALL again-she imposed that as punishment for me doing a sloppy job once. I had to do hospital corners on beds at age 6. So it's not like I got praised or rewarded. I got either yelled at and forced to redo it or I was handed another chore.
But I often forgot to do things, not purposefully, and I was still shouted at. When I recently read the DSM categories for ADD, I was shocked to find I had all but one of the inattentive symptoms.
Mom was put on Prozac during the divorce that happened whan I was 16, and she stopped being verbally abusive. She was never really severely depressed, merely dysthymic. But she gets ragey without Prozac. She's been on the same dose for over 20 years now.
I'm not sure it can be boiled down to a particular remark. I mean, sure dramatic things like, "I ******* hate you and want you to die", or the barrage of "you're lazy, you'll never be anything, you don't love me, you treat me like a dog, you're selfish, you don't care about anyone but yourself, stop ******* crying, etc." aren't very fun, but there's more to it. Truly, after awhile, the words run together, but the malice and contempt contained within are palpable, you can feel that, and that is crushing. Tone of voice and body when speaking also means much. Nothing puts an exclamation point on "I hate you" quite like being punched.
All that said, probably the most hurtful thing that's ever been said happened when I was 16. I don't know exactly where my mother got the idea, or whether she was simply playing mind games, but she called and told me that she had been told that I was depressed, suicidal (I wasn't). I don't recall her exact words, but I'll never forget her tone of voice, mocking, utterly without sympathy, basically amounting to being told "go ahead and kill yourself". I've been through a lot of screaming sessions, but for some reason or another that particular bit was "the straw that broke the camel's back", and I was totally crushed, not being melodramatic at all. I've been drive to sobbing many times over the years by things she's said said/screamed, but few could compare to that night.
For my whole entire life, I have felt excluded from society~like I had never belonged. And the reason for that, I think is because of my emotionally abusive mom. Once, we got into a huge argument that ended with her throwing a glass clock at me and giving me a 7 cm laceration on my ring finger. She repeatedly tells me I am useless, lazy, ugly, and incompetent. I have always felt insecure with these words. She constantly compares me to her other friends daughters. Although I make excellent grades, play sports, involved in many extracurriculars, and play piano amazingly, she is never satisfied. I have fell into the deep abyss of depression several times in my life because of her hurtful words. The worse thing is, she tells me that she wishes I was never born. She said, "I was going to get you aborted, but it was New Years so that would be bad luck. I have another daughter anyways." Can you even imagine that a parent can do this to her own child?
My dad has complelty emotionally tore me apart, the words that come from his mouth "you poison the family" "your a disapointment" "your useless" "your a mistake" has stuck with me, i approched him 2 days later saying "you know those things you said to me 2 days ago really hurt me," and i get a laugh out of him like im pathetic and the response i get is "so your saying none of that is true"
this just broke me down and caused me to ball my eyes out. at this point I want nothing to do with my Dad once I move out. Its the most hurtful things anyone has every said to me in my life he even said to me, "i have never said anything like this to anyone in my life, and i never thought id say these things to my own child, but you deserve it." These words will never leave me.. and my own father who is supposed to love me most makes me feel completly worthless and unwanted
I wish I could give you a huge hug and say it is going to be better. I am sorry for the parents you were given at birth, some people should not conceive I truly believe. I love that you were able to come here and get our help.
Your friend always,
"I would rather you come in here and tell me that you have a deadly illness than to tell me that you are divorcing your husband, what will people think of you, no decent man wants a woman with another man's child"
I have proven her wrong for 30 years now.
"You'll never amount to anything."
Tell them they are ugly or stupid will leave a mark for life.
Several years ago, I got into an argument with my mom, who was forever calling me ungrateful. She found me ungrateful, because she would be terribly mean to me all of the time, and then try to make up for it by buying me things. And I never appreciated it, because I would have rather been treated better than had a new T-shirt.
She was a stay-at-home mom my whole life, and one day she said to me, "If I would have known this is how you were going to turn out, I would have gone out and made something of myself and thrown your *** in daycare."
Why it was so bothersome to me is that, by most parents' standards, I think I was a very good kid. I never got into any trouble, never developed any bad habits (drinking, drugs, etc), I had good grades all through school, I worked before I was even of age to work, and I never asked for anything. Also, I made the decision to go to college and everything without any guidance from her or anyone else. So . . . that was pretty upsetting.
And when I was about 12, even though it was just a joke, I forget what I was aspiring to be at the time, but it may have been something to do with drawing or writing. I had gotten a good grade on something that I was proud of, and my mom looked at it and laughed. She told me about how I could just give up that dream while I was ahead and not to worry, "Because you'd probably make a good waitress."
Kind of made me feel hopeless, and it never has left my mind. Not that I have anything against waitresses, but I don't think it's something that one really aspires to be. More like something someone does just to have a job.
I really feel for you... I'm proud of you... and what you have become... I think you're awesome!!
WELL...what if it was a really cool t-shirt?
"You just wait til your father gets home!" ~ mother
Dad ~ (his silent piercing STARE!)
My dad: "Not by the likes of YOU!"
My dad to our Mother: "You're the reason that our kids are SO STUPID!"
There were so many insults, threats, looks, grunts, etc. that it would take to many pages to list them all!
There is no one word, it is more what tone they use I think.
When I was about twelve my father tried to drop me back at my mothers house after the weekend. She just smirked at me an said 'Nah. He's not staying here'. They then proceeded to have an argument over who had to take me.
I just looked at her without batting an eyelid. Like hell I would have given that woman the satisfaction of knowing she had got to me. I think rejection of any kind is the most damaging thing a parent can give their child. It doesn't even have to be words. It can be the lack of them.
I don't know them all, but I do believe that there are too many....For me it is "you kill me" or "you eat my days".....When I hear this I understand that my only presence in this world brings evil into the world,and into the lives of my loved ones, though I don't want this and makes me wanna kill myself......I always felt that my parent are the people who most love me, and I love them back and I am grateful for their love, but at the same time they are the people who hurt me the most, but there's nothing to do about this....One has to be grateful for love, but what does one do for pain?
The most hurtful thing is something my parent refused to answer because they knew it was true, like the time I asked my mom to confess she hated me and she turned her head away in silence.
anything that makes a child to feel unloved,..ugly, stupid..........etc
I can think of lots of things, but how does spitting in a child's face, count ??????
That to me is the ultimate. !!!!!!!!
Oh and one day she said "she could kill me". She was really mad at me for something. She is my adopted mother. She never liked me.
"You're a mistake!" is horrible, or in other words it could be, "I wonder why i ever had a brat like you."
Hmm also.. "No one will ever love you."
I don't think things like Shut up, and go away and stop crying, are even that bad. I was told that, it hurts at the time, but it doesn't stick with you for the rest of your life like the other stuff i mentioned.. those kinds of words are the ones that really affect you.
You are nothing, worth nothing and will never be anything in life. Repeated constantly all through early childhood until late teenage with physical assaults attached to it.
I think the phrase "I'm so ashamed of you" carries a great deal of negative weight. A child can misbehave & should be admonished, even receive a punishment (like no phone or whatever, not physical) but I don't believe you should ever tell a child they are innately bad & unloveable.