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Nahla1996 Nahla1996 31-35, F 16 Answers Jul 1, 2011

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As a woman who had been in an abusive relationship years ago (he hit me with a car among other things) I can speak from my experience. I thought several things 1. I needed him and he needed me. 2. no other man would ever love me. 3. It was my fault he became angry with me. 4. I deserved to be hit because it was my fault.<br />
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There are probably several other reasons, but these are the main ones.<br />
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When a woman doesn't know what the words "self-respect" means, she can't act on it.And if you've been told "you're worthless" several hundred times, you start to believe it. And it's difficult to ask for help when you're being threatened. These women need understanding, not judgement. (not that anyone here is)

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No judgement childofweakness. I am glad that you found the strength to know that you are worth loving!

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Yes and they need help to realize they need to get out.

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If they stay long enough...no I don't feel bad for them. If they stay they stay by choice. No relationship is mandatory.

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easier said than lived.

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It always is, when it isn't your life!

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Yes, I do feel sorry for them. It is a terrible way of life.<br />
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However, I agree with my hero Gavin DeBecker, when he says that the first time a woman is abused by her man, it is plain abuse, but the second time, she is a volunteer. He doesn't say this to make abused women feel bad, he says it because he respects them and wants them to respect themselves and the choices they made and can make in the future.

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Again, if you don't know what respect means, you can't attribute the quality to yourself.

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I lived with an abusive man for two years, from the age of 18 to the age of 20. Once, when he hit me, I ran home to Mother. And SHE hit me and sent me back to him. Yes, I do understand what it means to have never experienced self-respect and to not know that one deserves it. It IS a hard place to break out of. However, I did it (it took another year after my good ol' mom sent me back tothe SOB) and I know several other women who have done it. I would neve say anything derogatory to or about anyone who was being bullied by anyone else. I always offer support, no matter what. But I think it is important to remember that all of us, even at our lowest and weakest, do have some choices in our lives.

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I think some woman make every excuse in the book because of children and all there hard work putting their all into a marriage they once loved and had great exspections.They hang on and think tomorrow will be different,,putting things on the back burner,they seem to think about everyone and work 24 7 to fix it.My heart reaches out to thoes who do not want to give up,they think life starting over is to great of fear,loneliness,friends,family dissapointing thoes they love.Yes, my heart breaks for them so I pray to God that He will open a door so they can find healing,freedom and be more stronger then ever befor and find the beauty of life as the once started out to find.

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I think their stupid for staying in an abusive relationship. I'd have no respect for them

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And I was married with a child to an abusive guy

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I didn't like who I had become, or respect myself when I was with him. He had me down in a depression and feeling weak and lost and scared for me and scared for my baby. I got away from him after living with him for 6 months. Thank goodness! And i'm back to myself now, And Love myself again!

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I am glad that you found the strength

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The ending was happy because I MADE IT SO. It wasn't easy but I took CONTROL of MY life, and made it BETTER. Luck had nothing to do with it.

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1 More Response

more angry , to tell the truth.

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I feel very annoyed..

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Why?

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I feel awful for them of course - they need help.

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my heart goes out to them, men or women.

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I want to help them, no woman should be abused it's wrong. In some ways I feel sorry for them but I feel angry to because I know they don't have to take it, they stay because they are so in love with the guy and are hoping he will change. In most cases the guy will not change without help even then. It would be up to the girl to leave. I have a friend who was in a abusive relationship, the guy broke her arm even, I tried to help her, had the police numbers of times pick her up to help her, she always wen't back, he said he was sorry and he would never hurt her again, it happed not even three full days later, he beat her. She was in the hospital for two weeks. I wouldn't put up with an abusive guy.

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of course

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