Feminists wanting to be treated equally happened.
However l usually keep the door open for anyone when l go through it if someone is close enough behind me.
That's a nice way to see things.
so everyone suffers, too?
Suffers? l can't say l really care, and l think most people regardless of gender doesn't care either.
Guys are vexed. For the past five decades, they've been pressured to treat women equally. Women were to enjoy equal treatment in the workplace, equal participation in government, and equal opportunity to choose among possible careers. <br />
When, in some cases, unequal outcomes persisted, affirmative action programs were administered with a vengeance. The Federal Office of Civil Rights used the threat of financial ruin to compel universities, fire and police departments, private businesses and public agencies to hire more women. And more women were hired, even if they were less qualified or less dependable than their male counterparts---all in the name of equal treatment.<br />
On the other hand, equal treatment sometimes worked against women. In the early 1990s, the Equal Rights Amendment implied that, if the country ever re-instituted the draft, women, as well as men, would have to serve in the army. Many women disapproved of that idea. In the area of medicine, certain illnesses, such as breast cancer, multiple sclerosis and myesthenia gravis, afflicted far more women than men. Equal treatment here could blur those gender differences, hindering research most pertinent to women. <br />
So it seemed that, in some cases, women were to receive PREFERENTIAL treatment, in other cases, SPECIAL treatment. To muddy the picture more, it became politically incorrect to suggest out loud that women were demanding anything except EQUAL treatment, even though everyone, including women, knew that this was no longer true. (If it ever was.) <br />
By the 1990s, men had to be very careful. When a woman needed help, be it rescue, protection, comfort or money, gentlemen were still expected to provide it. (They certainly did in all those romance novels, which were as popular as ever.) Yet, offering help to a woman might insult her or cause her to pretend to be insulted, if she happened to be flying the Equal Treatment banner. <br />
To make matters worse, a guy could never know when the banner was up or down. It all depended on her mood at the moment, which might reflect hormonal flows that no prudent guy would ever mention or even suggest existed. So, yes, a man had to be very careful.<br />
By 1990, deciding whether or not to open a door for a woman was like crossing a busy intersection on foot during the rush hour with none of the traffic signals working: You had to look in all directions, gauge the ex<x>pression on the woman's face, ascertain whether or not she was in the right mood, and then take a chance. If you guessed correctly, you might get a smile. But if your guess proved wrong, you'd probably suffer a scowl and might well render yourself vulnerable to a sexual harassment law suit or, if the "victim" happened to be your boss, the loss of your job. <br />
Not surprisingly, many guys simply quit trying to guess. They relegated the whole idea of courtesy to the realm of antiquated concepts---along with typewriters, gramophones and the horse-drawn buggy.
But not all of us.
While I appreciate your wonderful analysis and logic, I think it's still right to do what YOU want to do, and ignore -- or at least not worry -- about her response. If she's nasty or mean because you were nice, you could always say (*** if you really wanted to***), "Excuse me, but I thought you were a lady...." if she happened to be flying the Equal Treatment banner at the time.
thank god for those who haven't. there's still some civility in the world!
Chivalry isn't completely dead...my guy opens car door etc for me, I return the favor by leaning over and opening his and also generally popping my lower back...hehe. I also tend to hold a door for other people, male or female, young or old...but what gets me is how they'll say NOTHING, not even grunt a response/thanks. People are strange...but I've known that..and I'm not taking back thinking, "don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out!"
With one of my BF's we used to have this game. He'd unlock and open my side of the car, so I could get in, then TRY to race to his side of the car before I unlocked the door. He never did.....
Feminism isn't equality for women,.. It's equality for ALL. With that being said.... Opening doors is something that if a man does, I thank him and kudos to him, but its not a negative if he doesn't. I can open a door by myself.
If someone needs help, it's courteous to do it. If they don't, its just nice... chivalrous, perhaps. Who said nice was dead?
Women discovered they have arms that work -shrugs-
If it's important to ya I will of course. Pull out the chair; throw my coat on a puddle; rise as you approach the table :) I'm a student of the old school most definitely!
People still hold doors and people still appreciate it when people do. Regardless of gender. It's just common courtesy and there are still a lot of courteous people out there.<br />
When I was in my early twenties, I was told I was being sexist when I held a door for a woman. That surprised me and I wondered if it was true. Eventually, I concluded that it probably WASN'T true - but if it was, then I'd rather be sexist and courteous, than feminist and rude.
You were NOT being sexist -- she was; she was projecting her feelings towards other men on you. Nobody's perfect, we all do from time to time.... It's probably just best to chalk it off to her having a bad hair day.
There are still men that do. My late husband taught my sons to do so. Unfortunately feminism is a rotten teacher for curtesy.
Your husband was great, and feminism hasn't helped, but lets not just blame it...
I'm not blaming it, I blame emotions. Men don't want to be made to feel that their efforts have gone unnoticed or worse unwanted. I don't blame them.
What, are you saying that they be guys out here that do not open the doors for the ladies? I thought it was like kind of a law that we do that, besides good manners.
yes, there is!
Maybe they got fed up of rude women who refuse to say thank you or worse still march through the open door with their nose in the air and a disdainful look/smirks on their faces.
Well, if you feel obliged to do it, and glare at them, I suppose they might.... There are rude people everywhere, and occasionally I'm one. If you can just ignore those times, and keep a smile, it shouldn't matter, you'll have been a gentlemen.
I still do I will even jog up in front of people to Hold the door for a lady. I have always done it
a true gentleman
I believe it has nothing to do with equality it is about manners
I was raised to open doors, stand up when they enter or exit a room and to pull chairs out for them. For the most part I do this daily but when women start abusing the fact I was raised this way or degrade me for this fact I cut back on it. It is very sad for the women who still want this but it is being beaten out of us that are left.
If they 'abuse' you for it, you shouldn't do it. What's 'abuse' mean? Tease you for being nice?
Think of it this way: at least you were being noticed!
This type of response is why guys no longer do these things for women.
Many of us still do.
They do it for me all the time, even women do... It may be where you live....
It's not always appreciated, but I do it none the less. That's how I was raised, and that's how I raised my 20 yr old son. Courtesy is a dying art.
Being a gentleman will always be appreciated and will never be a dying art..... good for you!
There are still some old school gentlemen out here. And for those of you who are - there are also some of us women who appreciate it. <br />
Me too... but I'd like to think it wasn't old school, it's just being polite....
Janie - I think you are right!
I still do, of course at my age some younger women hold it open for me.
oh, that's so sweet. Yes, I hold the door for anyone who would benefit.... lots of old people do -- limps, sore backs, fatigue,.... and so on.
i open doors for women all the time... especially if im out with them. the other day i did it for my girlfriend and some older lady saw and said loudly... "I thought guys like you were extinct!" so funny.
so funny, but you made a good impression... believe it or not, some guys don't, even for a date!
As a rule of thumb, when i walk through a door, i glance behind me to see if there is anyone there, and if there is, i hold it open for as long as my arm can support it, and then keep walking. Guys don't like to make a show of holding doors open for women as doing so runs the risk of being called sexist. Holding the door open for people in general is a good compromise.
What happened to manners in general? I'm a college student who recently moved into a new apartment and been trying to find a grocery store in which I will be a faithful shopper. So I do a search and find a grocery store (I won't disclose the name) with two miles of my apartment. Next I read the reviews a few people raved about the great discounts but one person, who I should have advise from, mentioned that the people who shop there are extremely rude. So sure enough I go there anyways and as I'm looking for a particular lettuce (I had only been there for a few seconds), this lady decided that she was going to squeeze between me and my cart, WITHOUT SAYING EXCUSE ME, and look for the lettuce she wanted instead. Fortunately I held my tongue and thought to myself "We'll hey at least my parents taught me better than that". I am now currently considering finding a new grocery store, their prices were to high anyways =].<br />
***** BE KIND PEOPLE, BE KIND AND USE YOUR MANNERS THAT YOUR PARENTS TAUGHT YOU (or didn't teach you =)*****
Sorry for the grammatical errors, I'm typing from my iPad =. Would have done some good to go back and re-read what I wrote, but you get the point lol.
I do it for my bride. Told my daughter she deserves it too. I expect any boy that wants to date her to follow the rules. Boys open doors, walk closest to the road, lead down stairs and follow up, always escort the girl to and from the house when picking up or dropping off, last to sit... the list goes on. The last rule... if he doesn't respect himself, he won't respect you. No shame in putting the trash on the curb.