I can't speak for anyone else but one of the things my mother would do is set me up to fail. As an example, it was my job to clean the house every weekend. There are 6 different levels of clean and she wouldn't tell me which one was expected of me that week. I would be yelled at for either doing too much or too little. She would scream I showered too little, then yell when I showered everyday. She thought I breathed too hard and screamed at me until I changed my breathing pattern. For years doctors thought I had asthma because of my short, shallow breaths.
On the back of my head, I have a flat spot from where my head hit the wall. I was 11 years old and to this day have no idea what I did to set her off. I carry physical scars from events she says never happened.
The mind games were always the worst. On the day I turned 16, I kissed the ground on my way to school. She had spent years telling me she would kill me before my 16th birthday and I didn't dare doubt her. She would force me to look in a mirror and repeat how fat, ugly, and disgusting I was... that I couldn't stand the sight of myself. If the first lesson had not been "A mother never lies to her children", perhaps her words wouldn't have hurt like they did.
I've found that I can't talk to my boyfriend about my childhood. Its a trigger for him.
Currently I live 1500 miles from any living blood relation and haven't had contact with my mother in two years. I also haven't been in a mental hospital in two years. Therapy helps me repair the damage and the meds stabilize my emotions while I work on myself.
I am so sorry that happened to you don't let your mother get to your head
I cannot remember a day when my mother didn't yell at me. She told me she wished I was never born, and that she had considered aborting me. My heart was constantly beating fast and I was always nervous around her. I'd get yelled at for sneezing, for dropping some coins, for closing the car door too softly, for closing the car door too hard, for accidentally walking in whilst she was on the toilet, for her accidentally walking in while I was on the toilet, for her not liking the way I cleaned my room (so she'd throw everything I cleaned everywhere), for being invited to birthday parties (she was upset that she had to buy a present and drive me there and would yell all the way to the party and I'd arrive shaking), for a dog stealing my shoe from the front door step (I ran away), for being in a calisthenics performance and having my legs slapped because she had to apply some tanning stuff to them. Generally there was no physical abuse although once she whacked me in the head with a hair brush because my cup of orange juice fell into my hair during the night. I ran away when I was 11. (I walked four hours to my grandmother's house.) It was many suburbs away...would take around 45 minutes to drive. When I got there my grandmother told me to call my mother to let her know where I was. She hung up on me. She dumped me at different people's places as a child, including my grandmother's place. Unfortunately my mother's schizophrenic brother lived there or kept absconding from a psychiatric institution. He didn't take his medication, so my grandmother would lock the bedroom door at night, while he banged on it and screamed out maniacal incantations and laughed insanely. Sometimes the police would come and take him away. Why my mother saw this as an appropriate place for a child I do not know. Once somebody came over and I was hiding under the bed. At my birthday party once I slipped and got the back of my dress muddied. I couldn't enjoy the rest of the party, as I spent the whole time trying to keep my back to my mother, or running into my bedroom to put talcum powder on the stain. As an 8 year old I thought 'how does this woman yell and swear at me every single day?' She'd scream so loudly, I wonder why the neighbours didn't step in to help. It really makes me sick when she tells me how abusive my step dad is to her when he gives her the 'silent treatment'. Oh, and one of my earliest memories is being smothered by a pillow. Luckily I was smart. I won a scholarship to a good secondary school. I haven't succeeded in life in relation to my level of intelligence, but I have developed my spirituality (she was quite mocking of it...ie 'why don't you let God pick you up from school?') and have a gorgeous, loving boyfriend. I am still in contact with her, because honestly it's less work than when I didn't speak to her for 2 years and I had to deal with the constant emails, or messages from my grandmother. Thanks for reading...
you should cut off contact with your grandmother too and anybody else whom stands up for that woman. she abused you! and anybody whom stands up for her is just as bad as she so you should cut them off too. best wishes. i am also in the process of cutting ties with my mother and anyone else whom thinks her abusing me is ok.
Well there are 2 kinds of abuse. Physical and mental. If a mother hurts you physically well that's abuse. But mental abuse is when they completely **** you up. Making you feel guilty for the way you look, or calling you names, treating you like ****.. the list can go on and on.
An abusive mother is a mother who neglects her child.
Abuse can involved anything to do with neglecting a child's physical, intellectual, emotional or social needs.
It can be a mother who hurts their child emotionally and physically.
It can also involve sexual abuse. Where a child is exposed to ***********, or touched sexually, or if any sexual behaviour takes place.
I do a lot about this in college. mail me to find out more.
i think, an abusive mother is someone who degrades her child/ children and make them feel unworthy of anything, and that they are worthless individuals. Physical abuse could be there too.
One that does not take care of and protect her child's physical/emotional/spiritual/psychological needs.
Please write this book. I'm 17 years old and am counting the days until I can get out of my house. I have been severely emotionally abused by my bipolar alcoholic/drug addict (and possibly narcissistic) mother my entire life. When I was a baby my dad came home from work to find her passed out and me crawling on the floor with spilled pills everywhere. He's never done much to help the situation. My mother will scream at me for hours over anything. She often mocked me, made fun of my appearance, told me I was fat/ugly/skanky/stupid/*itchy and everything else at least every other day. I think the worst thing is her mind games, she has lots of them. She feeds off of drama and is constantly talking bad about others. There were times that she did nice things for me; she constantly reminded me and later told me I didn't deserve them. She's very vulgar and promiscuous. Wears my clothes, has no reguard for my privacy. I do the majority of the cleaning in my house yet she screams that I do nothing. I take of my younger sister. She isn't happy when good things happen to me, although she may pretend to be. I'm constantly told that I'm a disapointment, I can't do anything right, & I have no brain. If something isn't done exactly her way, even if its something really small like drying dishes the correct way , she will scream about it for hours. She says things like, "Look at your yourself in the mirror, you should be disgusted by what you see". My sister and I are constantly walking on eggshells in our house. She's threated to kill me dozens of times, told me to leave, drug me by ponytail, slammed me against the wall, and choked me. When I was around 7 years old she'd threaten to send me to boot camp and told me I'd have nothing to wear but a paper bag and that big girls would beat me up. Just recently she sprained my wrist and gave me a minor concussion. I went to the police becasue my Dad didn't care. Now he's just annoyed that they will probably have to pay fines. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and have panic attacks as a result of my mom coming after me. I take effexor xr everyday. i've cut myself and started doing drugs a year ago just to deal with the pain because if I didn't I would've killed myself. My Mom was the one who gave me my first experience with drugs, to "calm me down". I hope that one day I can move past this and have children of my own and treat them with love and kindness.
omg i hope things get better for you. this website has helped me out alot with my issues with my own narcissistic mother. www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com i'm sure it will help you too. xoxo
When I was a baby My mother said she used to put a pilow over my face and watch me panic because i would not stop crying. She said it was no big deal and that she always lifted it right up as she laughed. When I was 5 years old she threw me in the pool and watched me sink smiling. I remeber reaching for and being soo scared and thinking I was going to die. She finally pulled me out and her reason for doing this was to "toughen me up". Later as a teenager she told me I was fat even though I worked out and was in great shape. I developed an insecurity issue and an eating disorder. She then called me flat chested and would laugh and make jokes. She was emotionally diconnected. At 16 she accussed my step dad of wanting to have sex with me and that i provoked it. Let me say that thought discusts me It was her own crazy paranoia....... and I was a virgin until I was 19 and married the guy. When My husband went to iraq and I was scared and lost she made it about her and said I needed to come home from TN so she could "help me" When I told her I wanted to stay and wait for my huband she flipped out and made it about her and said I was selfish. LOL my husband just was sent to war and I was pregnant! After a few tours in iraq he started becoming abusive and almost murdered me. I left him and took our two sons with me. I had nowhere to go so I went home and it almost seemed as though my mother was happy that this happened. She wanted to own me. Later when I decided that I neede to cut ties with her for good she said"he should have killed you Lisa". I had to work hard to support me and my sons anditwas the only way to survive and I payed my own rent anddid it all on my own and she would say "your a bad mother because I had to work,and why couldnt I find a rich man?" I am 29 and I am still healing.
Reading this and some of the other stories on here broke my heart...I also have an abusive mother.
she is a monster. stay away. i hope things get better for you. xoxo
What do you think of the mothers who treat their children as a project? You know, those who have to have the smartest, the most talented children in the planet.
I feel bad for those children. My personal experience, though, is not that at all. I'll try to share it later.
look up what google has for "signs of abuse" and you'll find lots of websites with lists of warning signs and symptoms/behaviors of abusive people. Look up "emotional abuse" too, because it's not all about if someone is touched inappropriately or hit. It often starts with emotional abuse which can be just as damaging if not more so.
And don't worry about it being broad and not "just" about abusive mothers: abuse is pretty much the same problem no matter who's doing it to whom. There's also groups on this site for people who don't like their mothers, although no way of telling which stories are fact, etc.
It breakes my heart when I read or hear about a mother who has hurt her child.We almost know that some time in her life as a child she to was hurt.
The fact that the abusive parent needs as much help as the child involved.
I wish you the best in writing this book you are a brave person, myself I would get to involved with my heart and feelings and all my pages would be wet from tears.Keep us posted.
For as long as I can remember, my mother's life revolved around the mental hospital. She constantly went into treatments that would last a month, leaving me with my mentally abusive father. Growing up, she always pressured me into getting treatment. By the age of sixteen I had been forced to see six therapists. When I was 10 my mother made me go to my first therapy session. She never had a direct reason for making me go, and in a way I resented her for forcing me into believing something was wrong with me and constantly pressured me into to taking anti-depressants and anxiety medication even though I was not diagnosed. Growing up my mother was irresponsible. She would be gone all day (at eating disorder groups, depression groups, etc) and leave me when I was younger by myself all day or leave the door locked and force my friend's parents to watch me everyday. As she got older she would depend on me for her emotional well-being. She would constantly talk **** about my father and when I told her I didnt feel like hearing about it she got mad and defensive saying I ruined her day. She would constantly put me down. She would yell and curse at me, and if I yelled back call me "abusive". She told me her therapists thought I was cruel. She was always late or absent to special events for me (such as school concerts) and blame it on her depression. For months she would stay in her room in bed all day, and refused to make dinner for me because (she had bad memories as a child that revolved around dinner.) She would leave me stranded at places such as my work and blamed that on her depression. When I tried to call to her attention that she was neglecting me and only focused on her 15-year treatment she got defensive and made me feel guilty. She would call me mean, and if I suggested that i felt that she was mean flip out, one time threatening to kick me out of her car, leaving me stranded without a phone, and when I refused to get out threatened to call the cops. When I got old enough to pay rent she would constantly threaten to kick me out over the smallest things. She used her depression as a crutch and refused to clean around the house, but yelled at me and made me feel like **** when I didn't want to. She also refused to work because of her depression.When I was a minor my father was receiving an ssi check that was solely for my well-being even though i didn't live with him. She convinced me to make her the payee and told me I would get everything I needed. As soon as I made her the payee she quit her job and spent the entire check on rent. She would constantly call my grandfather who is in very bad condition and ask for money. One time I heard her screaming at him saying "if you stood up for me as a child I wouldn't be like this and I could have a job". She was always blaming her issues on everyone else. She constantly told me I was the reason for her depression. Growing up I felt as though i was being raised by a child, and that it was un
Is well worth the visit...have a thorough look through the site though to get onto the 'which parent's do you have' page.
There's lots of options and advice.
Love to everyone...to survive all this and not to have a personality disorder yourself is a blessing. You will get over this and have a fulfilling life xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
An abusive mother is one that makes your life a living hell....G
I have seen with my own eyes twice and i am very shaken up about what happened to me tonight. I babysat for a friend tonight and i made sure the kids(3)-2-girls 13-11, and a boy 10, did their homework, their chores and were ready for school the next day, they asked for a popsicicle and we still up at 9:30pm, as soon as she walked in she started yelling "why are you guys still up? and that she was going to whoop them. i wanted to leave but she immediately grabbed a wooden scratch stick and started hitting them i mean she made one girl lay on the bed and she just was hitting them and hitting them, i was just dumbfounded. its like she wants to beat them, there was no hello how was ya'll night it was i am gonna pay you in a minute, she beat them for asking me for the popsicicle but it was like really. i have witnessed her torture the boy for nothing its like she enjoys these little ways to find to beat them, make them upset and cry. she adopted them why?? to beat them. i felt like crying once i got in the car. all i have seen her do is yell at them and hit them, i dont understand why she took these kids in permanetly she didnt have to adopt them, they told me the first time i watched them that she is always like that, i am just messed up because i want to help them but i dont know how. she dresses them, feeds them, and they are active and smart kids, i just see them hurting over nothing. the boy will be abusive to his wife and kids, will the girls end up in abusive relationships, or worse. they came from neglected families and/or foster care when you are adopted its supposed to be to a loving parent right?
I am a mother and grandmother, my mother abused me when my dad was not home and he never believed me when I told him. BUT!! When i turned 30 my mother came to visit which was a long trip to tell me she was sorry and told my dad that she had done that. Because she did that she is my best buddy now!! that was 20 years ago. I could never even imagine abusing a child and never have done it. Children are a blessing to me angles and how can anyone hurt that!!
An Abusive Mother’s hatred for her daughter is overwheming. This is killing the loving and caring Father. Her abusive nature has separated the Father from his Family.
i am sympathetic with rhearobin and tulipp..
you have really survived a hard time..
because relation with a mother is the most close one on which your world is depent..
i too have experienced such a past..
every days of scolding on simplest of things as if i didnt do them good then i am going to be ruined..i used to put my lot of energy to do the perfect..but i think the problem was sth else...
she was having lot of problem with her inlaws..SHE said they maltrtd her..i dont no what is the truthj...i think that if u r good all r good with u..same is opposite..
whatever....she had one day beaten me to pieces for fight with the inlaws..
she had no courage to face them so she poured her anger over me..
.i dont remember anything after that incidence..
i have a feeling that she maltrtd me to revenge my father ..bcoz he loved me too much...
now at present i am totally emotionless and struggling to gain some identity of myself..
and one more thing that i recently developed schizophrenia too...i dont know what is going on...
all the motivation which is holding me to life is the feeling that all of these suffrings are my past karma,or i have not behaved good in this life,or i think i am posessed.....whatever i have really become a door mat as others say...never mind ....the sinners will get paid one day for there
deed ..whoever it may be..
From my own experience: I don't know. Perhaps it is when your first memory in life is getting slapped in the face and bleeding. Mabye it is getting yelled at on the foot of the stairwell for hours on end for something your dad said. Mabye it is when you've been hit, had dishes thrown at you, told "I ******* hate you; you are nothing to me", and then been told to clean up the glass from the floor. Mabye it is when you've been used as a pawn to fight the other parent, or accused of not loving her, and only caring about yourself (that one hurt pretty bad). More than anything, I think you've got it rough when you are scared to come home, and you haven't done anything wrong.
I don't know. I've seen enough violence, screaming, and mayhem to last a lifetime, let alone the last 12 or so (all I can remember) years, but I don't ask for much. I think so long that your mother really does care about you, and wish the best for you, she has done okay That's why I think my mother is a good person, bad things aside. She could be like Jekyll and Hyde: throwing things at you, telling you she hated you one day, and then she could love you and be the best woman on the planet the very next day. I guess you just have to take the good days with the bad, and don't fight the bad days, or they will never end. I just wish I could have gotten an apology on the good days. Instead, she just acts like nothing ever happened; that hurts more than anything else in the world.
thank god i don't know what an abusive mother is because mine was great. now, if you want to know about abusive dad's, let me know.