What is the funniest excuse you have used for being late for work?

Not mine, but I once heard a guy tell his boss he'd be out that day because he had "ocular-anal disease." When his boss asked him what that was, he said, "i just don't see my A$$ coming in today!"

we used to have a late book and we would actually see who could come up with the most original excuse for lateness, my best one was i have no excuse i left home at the same time got on the bus as normal and i have lost two hours possibley alien abduction!. The late book disappeared in the end possibley abducted too!.

My wife's temperature was ideal to procreate so we did. Nine months later was the proof of a successful decision of being late.

I called in drunk.
I told my boss that I thought there were spiders at work.
I have told my boss that I wasn't coming in because I didn't want to. "Hey. I don't want to work. You don't want to pay me."
I called in because I stubbed my toe.
I called in because I was hung over.
I called in because I took some sleeping pills and couldn't get up.
I called in because I wanted to drink beer instead.
I called in because it was hot.
I called in because I was at a party.
I called in because I was paying my Taxes.
I called in for an entire week because I claimed I was lost in Texas.

I was never fired from this job.

I was in high school and it was prom. My boss was very worried about me and told me to be careful and not drink and drive. I was so hungover the next morning I called in and said I had been in a car wreck and had whiplash. Then later that day she saw me walking down the street. I was so embarassed I never went back to work it was awful.

it happen just a few weeks ago, my car wasn't working so I borrowed my friends rebuilt car, it stopped working on the way to work, police came up behind me relized the tabs were expired tried to help me get the car started, asked for the keys, and I handed him a screwdriver, lets just say not happy, put me in the back of the police car ran my name found a warrent for my arrest, searched me then found out it was a different person with my name, gave me a ride home, no ticket, said I was so hysterical, that he felt I was punished enough for the day, gave me a stern warning, and needless to say I didn't make it to work that night

Considering I work from home, the only excuse I could use would be that I oversl;ept, ALL DAY!

I was two hours late to work and could not think of anything believable. When I arrived my boss was in a meeting with several new hires. When I entered the room, he immediately asked why I was so Late.

Unprepared, and without a plan, I decided to just tell the truth. I calmly turned to him and said "I was ************ and I couldn't get off". Everyone in the room was stuned, especially my boss.

As everyone knows, there is a limited window of opportunity, between the time your boss learns you've done some bad thing-and when he knows he has waited to long to respond. I welcomed the new hires, smiled, and went to work.

i'm the boss, i don't need to make an excuse hehehe

i told my boss that i was late because a cow was on the road and she had NO intention of moving. (and it was true)

I got lost! Being self employed, it was unusual to have the same job before AND after christmas. One new year I made my way to London Bridge then thought "right, now where was it again?" Aldwich! I thought, so duly got the tube there........nope, not Aldwich....erm..ah! Aldgate, must be!, so off I trotted again. Nope...not here.OH **** MOORGATE!!! so off I went. As soon as I got on site (10.30ish) I walked straight into the boss. "Where the **** have you been?" I told him the tale, the same as I'm telling it here. He just shook his head and said " Either your the biggest bullshitter I have ever come across, or its the truth, **** off and do some work!" Phew!!!

I'm sure it sounded funny to them. I took a shower in the upstairs bathroom and went downstairs to find a flood in my kitchen, water still flowing from the ceiling. This is a true story and yes, I was late to work. They believed me, they've heard it all by now. ; )

I went home for luch, and felt like I needed a longer break, so I called and told them that my toilet overflowed and I had to clean it up.

I don't know if it's funny - but I once told my boss I hit a small dog on the way to work, didn't kill it but had to stop and be sure it was OK and talk to the owners for a bit.

It was creative at least, and he believed me!