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What is the psychological payoff for people who tend to act like a martyrs? I am married to someone who does this.

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Asked By: funbbw 51-55, F  2 months ago

He is very hard to have a relationship with because everything comes back to poor old him. code name Eeyore. It's hard to communicate over normal daily issues because of this communication stopping behavior.


Thanks for the good answers. This has been driving me crazy for years.

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    Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):

    chaosmagnet - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by chaosmagnet Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:10AM

    http://www.thoughtclusters.com/2007/06/the-martyr-complex/

    [ Reply ] | Like (2)

  1. funbbw - 51-55 years old - female

    Reply by funbbw Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:54AM

    Thanks for the link. I will be checking it out. He's a good man, doesn't drink drug or run around but then he doesn't do anything with me that's fun either.

    Like (1)

5 Answers to "What is the psychological payoff for people who tend to act like a martyrs? I am married to someone who does this."

  1. Difum - 61-65 years old - male

    Posted by Difum Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:54AM

    I don't put down anyone's relationship. I pray you understanding and strength. Good luck with it all.

    Like (1)

  2. mumado - 51-55 years old - female

    Posted by mumado Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:21AM

    I would really love to know the answer too. Mine is such a sad sack always catching the pity train. Nothing helps If I try to involve him like you probably do in everyday issues he just says I bloody work all week I don't need more crap inside my head. I used to always pat him on the back etc now I just don't worry about it and he says I never tell him anything. I think they know they are doing it and as they say "Misery loves company"

    Like (1)

  3. funbbw - 51-55 years old - female

    Reply by funbbw Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:52AM

    I used to pat mine on the back too and molly coddle him but with a job and a child to look after I don't have the patience to deal with this junk anymore. Like you I have been ignoring it for years and just do my own thing but it sure is lonely not having a companion to share life with.

    Like (1)

  4. mumado - 51-55 years old - female

    Reply by mumado Mar 10th, 2013 at 7:24AM

    I will definately agree with you there :(

    Like (1)

  5. straightlaced - 36-40 years old - male

    Posted by straightlaced Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:10AM

    Your question must be rhetorical since the answer appears obvious? It's the attention and adulation they think they are getting. Martyrdom is just the particular formula they happen to have picked up that gets them that.

    Like (1)

  6. deltadon - 46-50 years old - female

    Posted by deltadon Mar 10th, 2013 at 5:09AM

    everybody's got a little Eeyore in em.........hopefully he's got more goin for im

    Like (1)

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