Sometimes when I am angered like today when i met up with my parents and am treated like **** and just take it as nicely as I can all day, I become emotionless/indifferent to everything. I don't give a ****. I'm serious. I have no fears, preform better and am more productive. i would prefer to be this way all the time but have no control over my moods and they influence my behavior so heavily, constantly modulating every couple days.
How can I pick and just be in one freaking "mode" of being. Its annoying as hell.
Sometimes I'm lazy, sometimes just acting stupid and taking nothing serious, or depressed, or super happy and productive, or indifferent to everything and more intelligent thinking. i keep trying to just be and act how I choose but I always feel like choosing something different every few days. Its been going on for years. My friends have commented on it. Its not that drastic. I just prefer to be in a productive, motivated and intelligent state. HOW!?!?!?!