Both. There has to be a connection in and out of the bedroom.
Separate bank accounts and avoiding each other in the morning and then until at least two hours after work. A TV in the spare room pays dividends as well.
The ability to tolerate those times when neither is working at its best. The best marriages are a work in process all the time.
Good conversation before sex and quite snuggle time after.
compromise..............so, that'll be a bit of both........and not necessarily at the same time....