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i have found that he has checked my phone , even delete some sms after made a copy into his phone. I still didn't say anything, what should I act?
wildgrass wildgrass 36-40, F 23 Answers Jul 2, 2009

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If there's nothing in it , let him check till he's sick of his bad habit. Put it in his face everyday..maybe he'll get how dumb it is and stop.

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Ask him if there's anything you're doing that makes him distrust you, pointing out that successful relationships are based on trust and the quickest way to kill a relationship is jealousy.

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Cell phones and e-mail addresses are a really grey area when it comes to trust in a relationship.<br />
And, the bottom line is that he seems not to trust you. Maybe for cause, maybe not. Maybe he's just a control freak. You've gotta talk to him about it. Even if he has valid reason, (like trying to get some commonly-shared info), he should ask YOU to give him the info. You'd think that never having anything incriminating on there would ease his curiosity?/jealosy?, but, sadly, if he's really got control issues, he'll never be satisfied. Getting another secret phone just complicates the scenerio. Then he'll be sure you really have something to hide as opossed to just wanting your privacy to be respected. That's obviously a concept that he really does not grasp.

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Unless you are doing something you shouldn't be doing don't worry about it. If you are doing something then you deserve to be caught.

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You should have nothing to hide. If he's keeping copies of your messages you have to have to ask yourself if they sound misleading or damning. He may think you have something to hide, so if you have nothing to hide don't worry about it. Simply talk to him and ask him why he's doing it.

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Sorry guys, but I still think that in this digital age, that everyone has a reasonable right to some degree of privacy. The act of checking your partner's cell phone sends a message, IE "I think that you are hiding something, and I don't trust you". If this is indeed the case, then there is a deeper problem. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but if my partner did this on a regular basis, I would feel violated and insulted. A relationship should be built on trust, and if trust doesn't exist. then what the hell are you doing in the relationship? How would you feel about him reading your journal? I think that it is a comparable act. If not quite equivalent.

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Sorry to say but if you're doing something fishy, then get one more phone and use it for your hidden agenda. Don't let him know that you have another phone. That's what I've seen from an old fiend.

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I'm in the 'wtf do you think you're doing to my phone!' group on this one. It's one thing, and not a good thing, that he is 'checking' your phone, but to actually erase or alter something that belongs to you is inexcusable in a marriage. I've always provided my wife with any information she might want pro-actively. For instance, she knows about my using EP and my username. I have no issue if she sees what I post because all she has to do is ask and I'll tell her outright what I'm saying and feeling. Same thing goes with my Cphone and email. I don't 'lock' either one and she is welcome to check them if she felt it necessary (to the best of my knowledge she never has). In your case, I would very much confront him and as others have stated... worry that he's projecting his own guilty conscience upon your actions.

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Just let him continue to childishly show his intense love to you.

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Sounds like he does not trust you. Is there a reason he shouldn't trust you? Even if there is, I do not think he should check behind you like that. I think of it as a major red flag. <br />
Good luck.

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Cell phones are most commonly used to hide affairs. Assuming you are not having an affair or doing activities that may be "questionable," then I'd confront him nicely about it. He's not communicating openly and you need to do that with him immediately. Perhaps someone told him something or he learned something that has made him suspicious. Perhaps he's right...perhaps he's not. Either way, you need to open a dialogue with HIM and not US, if you wish to save your relationship. It won't get better if you keep it quiet....it will only get worse as his imagination gets the best of him, thinking to himself that perhaps you are a better liar than he expected. Don't keep him wondering...get the truth out for discussion and TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT!!!<br />
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I will add one thing....I was told (about a previous relationship) that if a spouse is suspicious, it could be because THEY are guilty themselves of having done something...and their suspicion arises out of their having discovered how easy it is to get away with it. So he might be acting suspicious...but he also might be the one who's guilty. Buyer beware! Good luck!

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Let him. Being trustworthy builds trust. I puposefully leave all my **** out so my wife can go through it (wallet, cell phone, etc). Over the years, she's become a lot less paranoid.

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Don't let it bother you. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Eventually, he will run out of energy.

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Nothing s long as you can check his phone in front of him. He has every right too, if you are not hiding anything there should not be a prob,now if it does bother you address it tohim and let him know that you are not hiding anything and need privicy.

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i'd wonder why he felt the need to distrust you. is it that he's feeling guilty and is projecting that on to you? i'd have to confront him. i'd then have to question myself, why am i with a person that doesn't trust me?

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Hmm I dont know I don't see a problem with him looking at your phone,deleting msgs i'd query?does he have reason to do that, who are the msgs from then?...does he do anything serious that warrants jealous behaviour/violence? thats different..

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"Do you promise to love, honor, obey and let your spouse read all your texts and email?"<br />
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I wonder if others would approve if someone erased all their messages and numbers. Easy to say it's okay for YOUR messages to be examined, but I wonder if they'd left someone do that to them... doubt it.

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dont even flinch about it. unless theres stuff on there that you dont want him to see ... but i ask you this why would there be? are you the one who is actually in the wrong? eventually hell stop doing it.

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