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So honest didn't have a childhood myself although I made sure my siblings did. I spoiled them rotten. Mow we are all aduts and I have struggled the past 10 years in an unhealthy relationship (go figure). So I separated from the relationship and decided to get some help from my family. I took some advice that this was the best thing to do and that everyone needs help sometime. So I go stay with my sister. She tells me she is happy to finally be able to do something back for me because I have done so much for her. She says she won't charge me anything she just wants to help me get on my feet. So I secure a part time job. Not making much about 1100 a month. First month things start to get a little better. Feeling better about getting on with life. Then my sister starts telling my mother negative things about me. She begins taking everything I do and say and making it appear like some intentional derrogatory conspiracy against her. I start sensing it and decide
lediaw lediaw 26-30, F 3 Answers Jul 26, 2012

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Sounds like your sister prefers you as the caregiver, and she feels resentment or possibly that she does not measure up to your standards of care-giving. She feels lesser-than or incompetent around you, which would make sense with you having been the mother figure before. Stay as long as you need to, or as long as she will let you, but it is probably time for you to move out in order to save the peace and the relationship.

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Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. I wish I had left sooner. I honestly tried to avoid any conflict by now I believe that my sister has a self fulfilling prophecy that ends with her being the victim and me the perpetrator and she would have achieved her goal no matter what I did.

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Your mother put you in a position of being co-dependent early in life (care-giver of everyone else, and putting your needs/wants, healthy child-desires away on a shelf somewhere). It is possible that you have harbored some of those co-dependent tendencies now, and that might be causing you some pain. If you are not familiar with co-dependency, you can research it on the web. It is not a negative to be co-dependent, you would just need to know and work around it. Just a suggestion, as in something to think about. I am not suggesting that you are co-dependent.

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I do believe I have learned that dynamic and have innately sought out the same dynamic in which I grew up.......I recently realized this now I am dealing with the shame of it and trying to figure out how to fix it move on and not do it again with a daughter by my side and still meet her needs. One step at a time.

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Just keep your chin up and one foot in front of the other. You're on the right path. One thing I have learned is that life will give you the same lesson over and over in different circumstances and situations until you learn the lesson to be learned. Best of luck to you.

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