What to do with mean disrespectful husband who says it's 'his' money, although it's earned by both in the marriage?
He makes way more money than I do, but my job supports daytime hours so that I can be home with the kids in the evening. He thinks because he makes more money that he's the boss. We're married and I feel like I'm in a prison...
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11 Answers to "What to do with mean disrespectful husband who says it's 'his' money, although it's earned by both in the marriage?"
Posted by Yolks Apr 19th, 2012 at 12:43PM
It's a form of abuse. Financial abuse. Which, of course, overlaps with psychological abuse and others.
I'd let him know it's not ok, and you won't tolerate it any longer.
It's either a partnership or a one-sided pseudo-love.
Find an exit strategy if this fails - and stick with it, lest you send the message that, however he treats you, is ok.
You do, after all, teach people how to treat you.
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Reply by mother0and0wife Apr 23rd, 2012 at 8:59AM
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Posted by kikikay Apr 21st, 2012 at 7:53AM
get rid of him hes got no respect for you you said you feel like your in prison then leave him simple
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Reply by growwhereyouglow Apr 26th, 2012 at 10:08AM
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Posted by BabzEsq24 Apr 19th, 2012 at 3:56PM
Do you even love him? I hope you are in NY- Get a divorce- take residential custody- child support is high- fiscally rape his ignorant a$$...please
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Posted by growwhereyouglow Apr 23rd, 2012 at 9:15AM
My first response was irritation because of his attitude...then my second was, it will be very, very telling in a divorce, when you get half...whose money it really was. Looks like you were even after all. However, those are just ways of dealing with those feelings of hurt he's giving you. When you look at the very root of it...it's his issue with his self-esteem. Hence the need to make you feel less...constantly. One of the most important jobs in a household and marriage is to have a shared set of things you bring to the table. He goes out and works and in turn you take loving and nurturing care of your children and household. Can one say that there is more financial reward in either...indeed not, as it's shared. I believe women can do whatever they like...I am finding however that I'm much more old fashioned than I thought. It's an innate drive within me to be a nurturer and I celebrate that about myself. It's who I am as a woman...goes back from the beginning. Can I put a price tag on my tasks around the house...indeed I could. When you look at the cost of a private nanny, maid, therapist, cook, etc...yes, you could have a said worth. Interestingly enough, it would probably be more than his income.
The nature of the control he's attempting to inflict on you stems from his lack of self confidence and the need to posture himself with this false worth to make himself feel better. There is a saying that always comes to mind when people act bigger or better than what they are...'thou doth protest too much'. It always pans out true. For your sake, if you can have a very open and honest discussion...more about how it makes you feel emotionally and really get to the core of things, perhaps an area of discussion can be opened. What is very telling...people tell you who they are through their words and their actions. It's up to you to hear that. Trust your innate instincts and intuition, they will let you know loud and clear. He may be saying one thing...but clearly meaning another. So your answer will be received by how he responds. Projecting this further...and just for pondering...what if you do get your answer...and it's not good and you know he won't change. What then?
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Reply by mother0and0wife Apr 23rd, 2012 at 8:56AM
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Reply by growwhereyouglow Apr 23rd, 2012 at 9:08AM
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Posted by LoneAlpha Apr 19th, 2012 at 1:29PM
If I were you I would calculate how much you would make if you were a child care provider and factor that into the equation.
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Posted by Christy421 Apr 19th, 2012 at 1:26PM
25 years of being married, She had her account credit cards car and payments. I had mine. She never asked what I made and I never asked what she made. I paid household bills and my credit cards and my Toys. She bought food and household items. If a expense came up she thought I needed to pay she told me and I paid it. We never had a fight over money.
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Posted by FlowersNButterflies Apr 19th, 2012 at 1:17PM
Domestic Violence web sites will teach you that financial disparity is a power tool used by men with issues. He isn't likely to change. Perhaps you should risk leaving him (even though this is a financial hardship). You could always find a room to rent in somebody's house while you decide how to live your life more happily with a partner who actually cares.
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Posted by Treegurl Apr 19th, 2012 at 12:57PM
Kick him in the balls!
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Posted by damselfly Apr 19th, 2012 at 12:57PM
Get a divorce and take him to the cleaners. He's a financial abuser. He doesn't love you, he doesn't like you, he doesn't respect you, and he doesn't place any value whatsoever on your efforts. The only thing you've got going for you as far as he's concerned is you make a great doormat. Don't be one. Like Yolks says, you do teach people how to treat you
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Posted by dmichaelangelo Apr 19th, 2012 at 12:47PM
If it's not a cooperative effort and one unreasonably has to be the boss over the other, then it's likely not a marriage worth continuing.
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Posted by IMAGINATIONATWORK Apr 19th, 2012 at 12:42PM
stupid
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