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He makes way more money than I do, but my job supports daytime hours so that I can be home with the kids in the evening. He thinks because he makes more money that he's the boss. We're married and I feel like I'm in a prison...
mother0and0wife mother0and0wife 41-45 16 Answers Apr 19, 2012

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It's a form of abuse. Financial abuse. Which, of course, overlaps with psychological abuse and others.<br />
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I'd let him know it's not ok, and you won't tolerate it any longer.<br />
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It's either a partnership or a one-sided pseudo-love.<br />
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Find an exit strategy if this fails - and stick with it, lest you send the message that, however he treats you, is ok.<br />
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You do, after all, teach people how to treat you.

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In most cases I would agree with you on your last statement. In my case, I'm doing the best I can, by trying to keep the peace. It's a tough job being a wife AND a mother. We're not only setting examples for our children, but we're also making decisions that can/will affect them the rest of their lives! Your reply does help me, thank you.

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get rid of him hes got no respect for you you said you feel like your in prison then leave him simple

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Totally!

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Do you even love him? I hope you are in NY- Get a divorce- take residential custody- child support is high- fiscally rape his ignorant a$$...please

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My first response was irritation because of his attitude...then my second was, it will be very, very telling in a divorce, when you get half...whose money it really was. Looks like you were even after all. However, those are just ways of dealing with those feelings of hurt he's giving you. When you look at the very root of it...it's his issue with his self-esteem. Hence the need to make you feel less...constantly. One of the most important jobs in a household and marriage is to have a shared set of things you bring to the table. He goes out and works and in turn you take loving and nurturing care of your children and household. Can one say that there is more financial reward in either...indeed not, as it's shared. I believe women can do whatever they like...I am finding however that I'm much more old fashioned than I thought. It's an innate drive within me to be a nurturer and I celebrate that about myself. It's who I am as a woman...goes back from the beginning. Can I put a price tag on my tasks around the house...indeed I could. When you look at the cost of a private nanny, maid, therapist, cook, etc...yes, you could have a said worth. Interestingly enough, it would probably be more than his income.<br />
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The nature of the control he's attempting to inflict on you stems from his lack of self confidence and the need to posture himself with this false worth to make himself feel better. There is a saying that always comes to mind when people act bigger or better than what they are...'thou doth protest too much'. It always pans out true. For your sake, if you can have a very open and honest discussion...more about how it makes you feel emotionally and really get to the core of things, perhaps an area of discussion can be opened. What is very telling...people tell you who they are through their words and their actions. It's up to you to hear that. Trust your innate instincts and intuition, they will let you know loud and clear. He may be saying one thing...but clearly meaning another. So your answer will be received by how he responds. Projecting this further...and just for pondering...what if you do get your answer...and it's not good and you know he won't change. What then?

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What then? ... well, I suppose I should find someone to protect me and my children when I decide to leave him...

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My heart goes out to you, it really does. That's a horrible situation to be in. I guess, if I were fearful of my husband and what he would do to me or my children, I would have left long ago. However, I know these things aren't easy and every situation is different. There are many support groups and counselors (free of charge too) that you can discuss things with. I bet if you contacted them, you would be surprised at the wealth of knowledge and support they can offer you. Plus, you would meet people in the same situation that could offer further support. I wish you and your family all the best!

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Yes - the court. And believe me, they will

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If I were you I would calculate how much you would make if you were a child care provider and factor that into the equation.

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Domestic Violence web sites will teach you that financial disparity is a power tool used by men with issues. He isn't likely to change. Perhaps you should risk leaving him (even though this is a financial hardship). You could always find a room to rent in somebody's house while you decide how to live your life more happily with a partner who actually cares.

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Kick him in the balls!

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Get a divorce and take him to the cleaners. He's a financial abuser. He doesn't love you, he doesn't like you, he doesn't respect you, and he doesn't place any value whatsoever on your efforts. The only thing you've got going for you as far as he's concerned is you make a great doormat. Don't be one. Like Yolks says, you do teach people how to treat you

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stupid

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This is your husband! He is family so don't just make your own life harder by getting divorced you don't want that or you wouldn't be asking what to do. Every woman must train their husband. Teach them what we personally and individually consider a disrespect. And be sure to advise him that Wether you're working,he's working, or both it's considered "our" money no matter what and if he can not appreciate that you too are working then it's pointless for you to work;) and stick to that argumement until he bends darling!

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