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Questionator Questionator 26-30 100 Answers Oct 28, 2012 in Community

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No words are needed just be there for them<br />
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Being their for someone is more important than words - FACT

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you're a good man ned

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Thank you for advice. Recently I found out my former colleague is battling cancer, its round 2 of chemo, she's so young... and I don't know what to say, how to support. Now I know what to do. Thank you.

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:)&lt;3

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Stay strong, believe and listen to your gut above all else. Even if it means not listening to your doctor. (Not that I want patients to go against the advice of their doctor but . . . you have to go with your gut.) Explore all options open to you, not just surgery, radiation or chemotherapy. Look to alternative treatment methods. Be willing to change the way you think so that you can be open to new ways of looking at things because what has worked in the past isn't working. Be willing to travel out of the country, if necessary, to get the care you need. Your life depends upon it and your family is counting on you to do your best to beat it.

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Those are very wise words.

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Wise and brave. Your answer makes you an honorable doctor.

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Thank you.

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Hang around, even if they say don't. Hold their hand, do their laundry, be there. I just hung out with my brother and watched T.V. and held his hand. When he went into a coma I read to him. Then I told him if he saw a light, to run towards it. I would meet him there one day. He died a few hours later. They don't need words as much as they need you.

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that is beautiful, thank you for sharing
my mum has battled skin cancers for 20 years and spent weeks at a time in hospital because of them, she can barely walk but makes herself. Then she got cancer in lymph nodes in neck, got over that now has cancer in lymph nodes in groin. Because of her age and she is frail no operation, she isn't strong enough for chemo so they are going to start radiation treatment. Doc said if you become too weak or want us to stop we will cease immediately.

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I've learned first hand that people battling cancer aren't necessarily looking for words of comfort or kindness; instead they just want to be treated like normal 'healthy' individuals. Check my experiences *I Am In Love With Someone Fighting Cancer*. He has shared his own personal experiences with handling cancer in his family then realizing what it feels like to be the one with cancer. I do encourage him, motivate him and inspire him. I tell him how strong he is for fighting, because I know how weak the medicines make him. I make sure he knows that is respected, admired, believed in, capable, smart, sexy, funny, and that I care deeply for him. He knows if he ever needs it I will be there to care for him. I listen when he wants to talk. I wait for cues before asking questions. I met him less than 6 months after diagnosis and his first cancer treatments. I've known him for 22 months and he still has cancer. Insurance has put restrictions on his treatment. Each day is a battle for him. Comforting him makes him feel like less of a man - except for the times he drops the cues that comforting is what he needs. My best advice if you know someone battling cancer: Respect them, be there for them, listen to what they are saying/asking for, don't start every day with how do you feel today, remember they are normal people and treat them as such - with kindness and dignity.

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Don't give up. Fight till the end.

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Hold their hand and promise them that you will never let go

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Just being there with them.

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How true that is it makes them feel so much better to have people around when they feel like crap! Just being there not saying a word helps so much!

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What's with all the cancer questions of late? It's bad enough that my daughter is facing the possibility of having it - tests haven't confirmed or denied yet. But twice since I found this out, EP has had a cancer question. Not cool.

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Mate, the journey of life is a strange one......... where do we go? What happens? No one can answer this because when you're gone, you're gone. I am happy for humans to believe in a higher being, but I don't. I won't judge anyone for what they believe in. However I may tease them. Sorry but that is my style.... Liam xoxoxoxox

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I just hope there is nothing after I am gone

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I love you.

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be strong and live for today cancer sucks but its not like life is at a hault when you find out

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I love you and will stand by you to the end, just hold my hand and we will walk this road together.

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I think actions definatly speak louder then words when helping a cancer patient! My sister and I took care of my mom when she was fighting ovarian cancer. Sometimes she was just to exhausted to listen to people. Her friends would bring over meals so she didn't have to cook when she was very tired from the chemo. She would have people tape church for her. But just sitting there holding her hand was the biggest thing anyone could do for her.

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As someone who had cancer, looking back at the things people said to me, nothing they said was at all helpful in peticular. I was given opportunities to do so many things, I took risks, I was twelve and didn't get to do what most twelve year olds did, and I matured very quickly, and the fact that I was treated like a young adult was a good feeling. Keep on keeping on is what my oncologist told me. I did. I'm alive. Keep on keeping on.

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Acceptance but let yourself live in the moment...if you feel like crying , then cry...If you are angry get it out. If you feel good-cherish it. No one said being ill was fun but it doesn't need to consume you mentally. And know that you are loved and not alone, ever! when people you thought were your close friends shun you-it's their weakness/fear and in many cases plain . Do not internalize it-battling cancer should be your main focus.

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I have worked on two cancer wards, and it was a wonderful experience, the patients are the most beautiful of all, they connected with me at such a deep level, I felt honoured and privileged to know them. We used to really...talk, - about stuff that mattered to them. I used to feel sad if I saw them talking to their relatives sometimes keeping up a pretence to spare their relative from having to hear the word cancer, or the word dying. If that is what is in both their minds, but stays unsaid, its like an elephant in the room. Forcing the pace is definitely not the answer either, but I would suggest asking how the person is feeling, really feeling? Allowing them to talk about death, if thats what they want to talk about, and about how it might impact on the family. It all helps with closure for both people, as well as sharing the most meaningful intimacy possible between them. Many a time I have heard the dying person say they think they are dying, and the relative answers 'You mustn't talk like that Dad, of course you're going to get better', or words to that effect. That can make the patient feel so isolated and alone. He realises the pain of the situation is too much for his relative to bear, so he bears it alone, I found it heartbreaking. So I would say, be open and unafraid, but sensitive too. Its a great gift you can give someone to allow them to talk, and to listen, and not stay in denial. On a lighter note, cancer is no longer a death sentence, as we know, most people survive, so its just another illness in reality, albeit with some difficult and painful treatments to get them through it, and that is such excellent news.

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Talk and treat them as you have always done. It's about their personal pride.

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I would say as a survivor myself. I didnt have chemo, i did it my own way, and the consultants were shocked. Few year later and im as strong as ive ever been, trust in God

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I have dealt with so many cancer patients and each one has different preferences. Sometimes words are not enough to make them feel better and at times people who are in denial prefer to be left alone. I knew someone who fought cancer in a positive way by living her life to the fullest till the day she died. <br />
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There is time for everything such as acceptance, resignation, denial etc. However our role is first and foremost, Pray for all cancer patients and be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on'

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Youre not just stronger than anything Ive ever known, you make me. And before you decide to do anything, you better understand that the love you've given me will never stop growing in me. Dont give in to this! I love you and Ill be waiting for you when you come home.

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