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singwme singwme 56-60, F 8 Answers Nov 15, 2012 in Community

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Buy a new vibrator to replace the one that'd just died.

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I'd rather have the real thing

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Agreed but as my current long term lover is my vibrator this is what I would do in my present circumstances.

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I don't need "s3x" I need to make love with someone I love.

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My heart bleeds for you, I know exactly how you feel, believe me! If I just wanted s€x I could go out and pick up some random muppet, that holds no appeal for me. I need far more than just that! But at least I get to reduce my s€xual frustration with my toy! Men had better watch out, if they ever invent a vibrator than can cuddle you after you used it an awful lot of men would become redundant with one stroke!

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Thanks-it's all because of his p0rn addiction--it's his preference and I give up. It is the biggest turn-off for me and he's made his choice.

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Wow! I hope you don't mind me asking but what is your objection exactly, it is the type of p0rn, or that you feel he's addicted to it, or is it just that you don't feel you can tolerate him using p0rn full stop?

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He is sneaky about it. He likes teenagers (he's 57). He'll go out and leave me home and watch it all night when he drags his sorry a$s back and I have to tiptoe around the house because he had a 'late night' Is that enough? I could tell you more.

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Nope, you could have stopped at "he likes teenagers" *vomits*. I asked because I have no problem with p0rn per say but I know a lot of women do. For me personally I want to watch p0rn with my partner and watching a teenager getting nailed with a partner isn't going to float my boat, it might make me want to find the biggest feck off ***** on the market and inflict some serious damage with it but that's another story!

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I didn't used to have a problem with it--but now, I see how harmful it can be. I think some men are setting their 'standards' by it and it's harmful to relationships in general. By the way, he's promised to give it up so many times and hasn't - so I give up--he can have it.

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By the way--feel free to view my photos--I don't think I'm too ugly.

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I agree in part with what you are saying, I feel the issue is more "some men" rather p0rn itself, I can understand teenage boys who are inexperienced being affected in that way by **** because they don't the emotional capacity or experience to realise it's not "real life sex", they're too dumb to realise that if it was and we had the attributes and bored looks on the p0rn stars then the flip side of that is that they "should" have 10 inch c0cks and be able to last for hours! When it comes to men of an age that didn't grow up with truly crap p0rn that is so prevalent now via the net then I feel the fault lies with the men rather than the p0rn, they damn well should know better and why the hell would they think woman should look bored ridged during s€x? One of the things that does that offend me about a lot of p0rn is that look of boredom we see all too often, it's like 'come on! Do me a freaking favour! can you at least make some attempt to not look like your mentally writing your shopping list'. I don't expect oscar winning acting but how can any man really enjoy watching a woman perform s€xually who looks so freaking bored. All I can say is I'm sorry for your circumstances, I have no words of wisdom on this.

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Yes, and it's so available to young people on the internet, that I fear that's what they use as an 'example'--I, for one, can't lift my leg up over my head for a good camera shot. What a failure.

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By the way I don't need to view your photos, for me s€xual attraction has precious little to do with how a man looks and everything to do with his mind, for me if you put the most athestically beautiful man in front of me who hasn't the mental qualities I require it leaves me cold, however if you put in front of me a man who is witty intelligent kind etc then he can give me wet patch just by telling me a joke! I'm looking for a man is who is turned on by my mind, not because I'm physically unattractive but because someone who isn't passionate about me as a person but is only into my looks is of no use to me.

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When I confront him sometimes, he tells me I'm not worth touching. Tries to make me feel old and ugly and undesirable.

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Laughing at the leg over head crack! Crying for you that he tries to make you feel like crap but again I would say that's his failure as a man (or what passes as a poor excuse for one, real men don't do this) rather than his penchant for p0rn. He is employing that age old tactic of offence being the best way form of defence, in a way it's not even personally about you, it's about his own failings as a man. Having had this long conversation with you, I would now also say my words of wisdom are this: DUMP THE PR!CK! Sorry that probably wasn't the advice you were looking for but your Q did ask what we would do in your situation and now I have as much info as I do that is what I would do.

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Oh, the arguments between my head and my heart--I still love him for some reason--but more now like a friend. Sad, he had a woman who adored him and forgave him for so much. I try to make excuses--he was severely beaten by his dad--he's a Viet Nam vet-etc. but we all have issues we have to leave behind.
Thanks for talking to me--you've been so kind.

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Your welcome, I hope you manage to find some inner peace on this subject whichever way that takes you. Talking to you has kinda made me feel better about my lack of a love life, helped remind me as tough as I find it at times, for me it wouldn't be infinitely worse to be with a man who treats me as yours does you.

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He's being quite polite today--like a good stranger should.

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{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

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xoxoxo

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It would depend on why. If, God forbid, my partner ended up as a quadraplegic like Christopher Reeve, I would make do with ************ and stick by her. <br />
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But if she just gave up on sex for some selfish reason or just withheld sex because of issues in the relationship, then that would be a very different situation. My idea in that case is either we confront and FIX the problems, or it's over and it's time to let the relationship go. I'd have a time period in mind, like say, 6 months, and that would also be partially ba<x>sed on her willingness to communicate, work on problems, and maybe see a counselor with me. If the cooperation was not there or just a lack of interest in improving the situation, it would be sayonara at that point. I've been there before and made a promise to myself that I won't ever put up with that again.

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I don't think there's any fixing of the problem-I almost wish it was because of a physical issue.

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Some physical issues can be fixed, or at least made better.
A non-physical issue you definitely have to work on, but of course it depends on the person wanting to get better and improve the situation. If they won't even acknowledge there's a problem, then I'd be packing my bags.

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He lives in my house-insists on living life his way--prefers p0rn over me and it turns me completely off-so we are at an impasse. Every three months is an insult to me.

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**** is no substitute for the real thing. That would be like preferring a protein shake, a handful of vitamins, and some Metamucil over eating a gourmet meal. If it were me, it would be over.

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He says all men love p0rn--but he spends a fortune on cable sometimes 3 in a night--nothing sexy about a man sitting alone in the dark playing with himself--sad, because when we first met it was amazing-until he moved in and I discovered his 'habit'. I tried everything to compete-but at my age, I don't compare and it hurts me - and he knows it. I won't play second so I guess it's over.

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It's not a question of competing. I look at it sometimes, too, but I like the ones that are in my own age group, LOL. But, like I said, the real mccoy beats being alone in the dark every time.
It sounds to me like he has a problem. I think p*rn is a lot like alcohol. Most people can have a glass of wine or beer with dinner and it's a non-issue. Others lose their job, lose their marriage, and even lose their life and maybe take someone else's over drinking. But, it comes down to the same thing. If my partner was an alcoholic, I'd tolerate it only if she got treatment and went into recovery. If she's just going to give in and fall into a bottle (or into a computer screen, in this case) then I'm not going to stick around and be an enabler.

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I have come to realize that he is a sociopath--he fits 90% of the profile.

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That can be unrelated to any addiction issues. To me, a sociopath has no regard for the feelings of other people. They are literally unable to empathize with others on any level, really. It doesn't necessarily have to make someone a criminal or serial killer, I think, but it does make them cold-hearted and "broken" inside.

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He is unable to apologize for anything--compulsive liar--charming to others--cannot empathize with others pain--no guilt--takes dangerous risks--he is textbook

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Pack my bags.

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I have realized that before and the only thing you can do is wallow in self-pity or move on (of course I'm talking about breakups or divorce and not illness like certain cancers or Alzheimer's and such, then you stick with them as much as humanly possible).

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Get the **** out! In my case that was correct. Too bad it took so long for me to do that.

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Been there. It hurts, but its ok. As long as there is more to it than that. You survive. Of course, my situation was extreme.

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