Wake up , hanging out ( withdrawal ) .<br />
Figure out how to get money .<br />
Get money , jump in car drive mess around waiting for dealers , still hanging out getting increasingly sicker , shaking , legs hurting , feel like vomiting , waiting some more ( and it can go two ways ) A - eventually the dealer meets , you hand over a disgusting amount of money , get the stuff , use feel relief no longer sick more content and get the usual thought of no more I'm going straight tomorrow . Get home , feel normal for a while , go about your business for the rest of the day , ignoring that tomorrow is the same shite , go to sleep before waking up sick again .<br />
Or B - dealer runs out , you get ripped . Then you go home desperately trying to get more money or find someone holding , if that doesn't happen you're in for a long horrid painful night .<br />
It's all about feeling sick most of the day , watching the clock through out the day ( dealers time isn't real people time ), you get a few hours of relief , lose a bit more of your soul and self respect just to have to do it all over again the next day .<br />
Being an addict is a full time job , a horrid , painful , pathetic full time job that test your morality on a daily basis .

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A day in the life of a drug addict is full of chaos, confusion, and denial. If you are a drug addict, your day may go a little like this:<br />
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You may not know where you are when you wake up, but then again, you probably don’t really care. The first thing on your mind every day is when you can get some drugs again. Once you bring yourself out of the darkness of the room you passed out in last night, you remember that you ended up in a buddy’s ba<x>sement because you have no other place to live. Your family has pulled out of your life because you can’t be dependable and they’ve invested too much time and energy in you, only to be hurt yet again.<br />
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You have thoughts that maybe you can get clean once and for all this time. If only you could go a day or even a few hours without your drugs. Just when you start feeling like this will be the day you take charge and get clean, you have intense cravings for your drug. You’ve gotten used to the fuzzy feeling in your brain, the delusions, and the shakiness that are side effects of doing your drug. It’s the withdrawal symptoms of nausea, fatigue, and pain that you fear and that keep you running back to drugs. Besides, drugs have been a part of your life for so long now, that you will lose your identity if you gave them up now.<br />
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Any sober thoughts are quickly diminished when you get your hands on your supply of drugs for the day. It doesn’t matter how you got them – stealing, lying, begging – you’ve done it all before.<br />
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You start getting a bit defensive now that you are high again, and your thoughts turn back to how people have wronged you. You lament the fact that your family blames you for everything wrong, and that they don’t understand what it’s like to live with an addiction. As the day goes on, you sink deeper and deeper into your drug use, until you once again lose touch with everything around you. You no longer care about anything; getting clean, being with your family, or how close to death you really are. You may hope deep down that someone still really cares, and that they will find a way to help you.<br />
http://thewayoutrecovery.com/recovery-2/day-life-drug-addict/ HELP IS AVAILABLE

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It's a process of making those that try to help you an enemy, so you can validate your addiction. Using people for personal gain. And so, sort of creating two personalities. Contradicting yourself that you want help but not wanting to do the work for it. And therefore self-victimizing to put the blame on circumstance and other people. Increasingly needing more and more substance to get the original high, that fights your unhappiness. And losing short term memory, losing the ability to control your emotions, losing the ability of self-reflection, which makes it harder and harder to get out of the addiction. People that are addicted where mostly unhappy in the first place, and not able to deal with that, and see the future as hopeless. It's really difficult because on the one hand it's often understandable that they became addicted in the first place, so you want to help them. But because they are addicted, you can't really trust them to do as they say, and they could be just using you for personal gain.

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