Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!
Its not the funniest joke ever but it made me laugh when i read it.<br />
John has 32 chocolate bars. He eats 28 of them. What does John have now? Diabetes, John has diabetes.
A man, a sheep, and a sheepdog are all shipwrecked together on a deserted island. Weeks and then months pass by, and the trio fall in the habit of walking down to the beach each night to watch the sunset together. On a particularly beautiful evening, an evening made for the love, the man finds himself gazingly longingly at the sheep, and puts his arm around the animals shoulders. But the sheepdog, being very protective of the sheep, growls at him to warn him off.<br />
One night a terrible storm arises, and destroys a ship passing by. It's only survivor, Nancy Pelosi, finds herself stranded with the three.<br />
Nancy began to join the man, sheep, and dog down to the beach to watch the sunset every evening. On another beautiful nightfall, more lovely and amorous than any before, the man began again to find himself in the mood for romance. By this time Nancy had begun to have those same feelings herself.<br />
The man leaned closer toward Nancy, and with lust in his eyes, said, "I don't mean to be forward, Nancy... but can you do something for me?"<br />
"Anything", she breathed.<br />
"Take the dog for a walk".
It is soooo old and un pc, and I will tell it badly. Man talks for ages about killing his wife to a mate(friend), then one day he does it, takes mate into shed to show him her body. The friend asks "Why is her bum sticking up in the air like that ?" the man says "Well I need somewhere to park my bike"<br />
Told by Billy Connolly on Parkinson many years ago, poor Parky was crying with laughter and so aware it was so wrong.
two beautiful young ladies driving with their old grandmother when their car broke down. a young attractive man stopped to help all the women got out of the car. he said i will fix your car but i will have sex with all of you in return. the two young ladies said oh please not our grandmother. the grandmother said you heard him he said all of us and i go first.
unargueably the Monty Pythons sketch where the milkman comes into the womans house...into a room full of other milkmen some with long beards and she leaves locking them in? Everyone see this part? The bearded guy turns to the new guy and says its not so bad but we never heard the ending because it was fatally funny and then was even used as a weapon on German WW2 soldiers and thus the translation holds the key to part of the punch-line. To me the deeper humour part of the premise is their ability to think up such a silly notion of a deadly joke thus untellable hohoho!
Man: If I was the last man on the planet, will you go out with me?<br />
Woman: If you were the last man on the planet, I'll go 'Alice-from-the-Umbrella-Corporation' on your butt!
you will hate me for this but , watch the ''Titanic'' and play the song 'under the sea'
There are 3 boys called zip willie pee. Zip was on the cupboard Willie was in the cupboard and Pee was drawing on the classroom walls. The teacher came and said "Oh My God, Zip down Willie out Pee in the corner
Just a joke: <br />
I have walked into the room, I noticed it is filled with dead rats. I puke right on one of the- "WHAT THE HELL MAN, WHY DID YOU PUKE ON ME?"
The funnies joke i have evver heard is they are 6 dogs and 3 fish 2 dogs go up the 1 of the fish and smell it. The dogs walked away and seid **** u all and grabed the fish and ran down to the feald and put the dead fish back inn the water
A small man walks into a bar and slips and falls on some dog poo by the doorway. He gets up and moves to a bar. 5mins later a large biker walks in and slips on the poo also. The smaller man seeing what had happened walks up to the biker and said "I did that 5 mins ago" - So the biker punches him.
That there are golden years