What's the root cause of discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in most cases ?

My soon-to-be mother in-law and I get along occasionally, but I do believe it's something like jealousy. The main woman in the sons life is being replace (permanently, by marriage) with another woman. The mother often doesn't like this and will pick apart the daughter-in-law to prove to herself that she's not good enough for her son.

I can only speak for myself... I have tried and tried to get on with my mother in law but in her eyes I stole her baby away from her and I am in no way good enough for him (she told me that).

Another nail in my coffin is that I get on very well with my father in law.... they are divorced and she can't stand the thought of anyone liking him....so there you have it, out on both counts!

Jealousy.

They both want to be in control of the man (or little boy).

I've never seen a mother and daughter type inlaw feud that didn't involve an enabling mama's boy somewhere in the middle, if that helps.

Trouble starts with how someone does something. In the kitchen..we all have our own way. That's the beginning. The son(husband) starts hearing it from both sides. Game's on with the power struggle. Lucky are the great friendships that are realized and long lasting.

I went from trying to prove that I was somebody worth listening to, to the only one left around that she could listen to. We became friends and laughed and enjoyed each others company. I pretty much adjusted to her domineering ways and just enjoyed the mutual humor. that all ended when she had to move in, I became the bad person to my husband because she would play the victom. I wasn't doing anything right when she moved in, and I suffered with it. Then because I ignored her she started on her own son, my husband, he got so depressed and nervous he broke down crying. I simply said, now you know what its like to live in my life. We had to kick her out and its been over a year since I talked to her. I've only talked to her since I saw her in the hospital when my son went in. But the more my husband visits her the more we argue because he becomes mamas boy and he's always right. I said if you take you, your mom and all your siblings and asked who was right about one question, who would be right? He couldn't answer that, they would all be right. So yes, it has to do with the son and who has gets the most affection from him or who is more important in her life.

I will have to agree with all the comments and I hope I do not turn into one of these mother in laws..
Having said that my son is almost 18 but hes already decided to marry a girl he met for a fairly short time. I told him its their life and it is up to them. To her I said if she is aware of his sulky moods then best of luck to them.. but I told him she gets my support..the two of them living in different countries is a challenge..

But yes, it is about control and power over the son/husband!

Most of the times the husband needs to get some balls and stand up. lol

my own mother died during my early marriage. i would have given anything to have a good relationship with my MIL. it wasn't to be. she hates me with a passion. she has told me that clearly and in many other ways. she honestly feels like her son is perfect, and tells him so frequently. it drives him crazy. i guess, in answer to your question, my MIL doesn't like me being the most important person in his life. she wants him back.

For me & mine, it's her constant state of in competition ! Almost as if he has two wives rather than a mother & lover. It's a long hard subject and one that has gone on for forever ! My mom didn't get along with her mil either.

Been there done that, once in marriage and once with a 4yr relationship. Both MIL didn't think I was good enough for their sons and were probably jealous because I was the most important woman/person in his life. Didn't matter that I went out of my way to fit in and get along.
I too have sons and will when the time comes will try to be a good MIL. But will also be honest and if they don't like it well tough *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wm1000 & honeysuckle23: I'm so sorry you have had to deal with such troubling and meddling MILs.

I've had to wonderful fortune of having a loving and kind MIL... she's always been supportive of our relationship and has treated me like a daughter since Day 1. I love her and truly mean it when I call her "Mum" :)

As far as the root cause of the DIL & MIL issues.... I have to guess that any problems that arise come directly from the mother in law.... unless the DIL is totally anti-social, I couldn't imagine someone getting into a relationship thinking "I'm gonna hate his mother".... where as the idea of a MIL thinking "No one is good enough for my perfect darling son" is quite possible (proven with the stories above)... having this kind of mindset can only lead to problems when trying to establish a relationship with your son's spouse (or GF).

Because people only remember the word in-laws but forget the word family!

*hummimg Natalie Merchant song*........Jealousy.

Jealousy and control issues on the part of the mother in law and wife.

because the old fart remembers when her husband was young and full of p_ss and vinger

I was best friends with my first husband's mother, and adored her until the day she died. My current husband adored her as well.

I HATE my current husband's parents, along with most of his family. It's not "discord", it's that they keep trying to hook him back up with his StalkerX! Who dumped him for another man!

I hate my current MIL most of all, with an all consuming passion that knows no bounds--and she's DEAD! Now there's no possibility that she'll ever "come clean" and confess to the vicious lies and gossip she fabricated for her own selfish, evil agenda.

And now she's at peace, while we have to live with the damage she created, and for that, I hate her most of all!