I'm 6'2", 210 lbs and big into weightlifting. Always been the athletic type. My friends would tell you I'm a man's man. When I was in my early 20's I was the guy who could just forget and move on. I'm 42 now and have been married almost 15 years. I have bent over backwards for my wife time and time again. She is a very critical person and loves name calling. Needless to say she destroyed my passion many years ago. I longed for the passion and a close emotional bond with her. I've talked with her for years about how we should always strive to keep that strong love, lust and passion in our marriage. I even built her a 7,500 sq ft house she can be proud of. I talked her into going to a marriage counselor 3 years ago to improve our marriage. I've taken her on extremely nice vacations of her choosing. Hired her a house cleaner. I try to build her her up with kind loving words. She does nothing but argue and say negative things and on a very rare occasion says something good to me that will make me feel good. Can you tell I love her? I have asked myself over and over why I should stay. I never had any intention of having an affair. 2 years ago I was on a trip with a group from our church of all things. One married lady was in our group who was 27 at the time. We spent nights under a pavilion talking about life in general. Over that week an emotional bond was formed and an soon to be affair started. I knew it was wrong but to hear someone tell me how lucky my wife was to have a man like me, that I was smart, hard working, extremely successful, extremely handsome were words that I wanted to hear from my wife for years and still do to this day. The relationship with my lover started out through text and then quickly to private email accounts to evade discovery. We were never discovered by our spouses. Up until a month ago everything was perfect or at least I thought. She and her husband had decided a few months back to try to get pregnant with there first child this spring. She said that it wouldn't change anything between us. It did. She says she still loves me and emails me everyday and I email her. She said she doesn't want to be physical any longer. Let me tell you the lovemaking was passionate and I would have never been sexual with her had there not been an emotional bond first. I still love her very deeply and the deep hurt I feel has ripped my heart into. Her husband became one of my best friends over the last year and we have done things as couples for that length of time. So your question was do guys hurt like women? I would say from my perspective absolutely. I hurt bad!!! I still want to feel her love make love to the woman who fills my cup in every way. I've tried to overly compliment my wife with loving comments over the last month which I always have. Nothing has changed in my marriage. I guess I settled for something less. I don't believe any spouse would ever stray if spouses worked to fill each other's cups with love on a daily basis. All comments are welcome. Sincerely, Heartbroken
I'd really like to know how this worked out as I am going through something similar... I have been married for 15 years, but for the last 2 have had a lover who I am in love with (and work with). She is also married and last month found she was pregnant. I was the first she told until Monday when she had an ultrasound to confirm things and told her husband. She saw me that afternoon and told me things won't change, but went to her mothers that week and is due back on Monday. She has texted each day (and every day for the last two years) and the texts are affectionate, signed with kisses etc, but I can't stop the tears; I am sure things will change and the thought of losing her hurts so much. I have 2 kids and love them desperately, but my wife and I have been in a sexless marriage for 3 years. My wife ended the intimacy but wants to restart now, but I no longer want to, but equally don't want to lose my children. It hurts so much thinking that I have to let my lover go, but will be in place without adult love. I have few friends I can talk to since all my friends are through work and know all of us. I just want to know how long does the pain last? Right now, I "want" it to last forever - the thought of being 60 and not feeling this love is almost as difficult....
How are you doing a year after? Are you still together? Do you still feel the pain?
I realize your post is over a year old but your story really touched my heart. My lover and I have shared that emotional bond and extreme passionate lovemaking that you describe for over 2 years now. About 2 weeks ago we met and as usual we had a very beautiful time together with very deep, intimacy and passionate lovemaking. But now I have not heard from him for about 2 weeks and I am so afraid that I may never hear from him again. This has happened a couple of times before, especially after we have experienced really deep intimacy with one another. He has my heart like no one ever has. I could only hope that he loves me like you describe your love for the woman you had an affair with. If only I knew for sure. I am hurting so bad right now, it hurts to the very core of my being. Were there times that you would go distant like that from the woman you were having the affair with ? If so, I would really appreciate it if you would share with me some of the reasons why ? Or do you have any thoughts or ideas why he might go distant on me sometimes? I would love to hear any of your thoughts or suggestions that you may have for me.... because I am Sincerely, Heartbroken also. Thanks :)
Well as a man that just got out of an affair, I can say that it can hurt. This depends on how much respect and caring there was between you and that person. I was with her for about a year and we both developed strong feelings for each other. The lovemaking was excellent and noticed i said LOVEMAKING. We didnt just have sex, well maybe in the beginning. But our thing developed wayfurther than i could have imagined. Now I am in a relationship so I was the cheater. She understood this and because we could never be a couple dated other people which was fine. The hurt came when I could no longer see her because she wants to give her new found relationship a chance. The part that hurt was not the new guy but the fact that she really didnt tell me anything. She just sort of faded out of the picture. I felt that if either of us had to change we would tell the other person because of the repect and caring we had for each other. I guess the tables were turned on me. But yes it can hurt.
Why if you loved her didn't you want to be with her
I totally think the women hurt more. Guys seem to just move on to the next. Women seem to become much more emotionally involved than men. I dont know how it is for most women but for me I am not sexually attracted to a man unless I am emotionally involved as well. And that is when you are vulnerable to get hurt.
well am hoping to get the guys point of view but having to wade through some very hurt women to get to the truth honey hope you haven't suffered
in my opinion and experiences, women have hurt more than men have. the men have had no trouble moving on, fonding someone new. that is, if they didn't already have a replacement in the wings anyway.
that's sex they are after need to know about feelings
I think men and women hurt equally. I think there are factoras involed other than the sex of the parties... For example 1) How much did each person value the relationship? 2) What was each person gaining from the affair? 3) Did his wife find out about the affair and perform a Bobbit on a certain part of his anatomy.( If this is the case then he is certainly hurting more than the woman.) 4) Who ended the affair and why? Just My Opinion.
keep going want more
A lot of the time, men hurt more then what they care to admit.
I'm seeing a guy who has a long term partner,not something I'm proud of.<br />
He's helped me through a hard time and our affair has been going on for 8 months,ive known him 40 years.<br />
I only see him once every 3 weeks for sex but we talk for hours or text each day.<br />
Ive have stupidly fallen in love with him he makes me laugh,he's caring and worries about me.Hes made me feel good about myself.<br />
Do people who have affairs talk to their lover for hours a day?ive talked to him more than my ex and with him 25 years.
I don't know what people having affairs do. My lover and I text every single day. We have not missed a day since we started. We rarely can coordinate to talk on the phone but when we have, it's been for 2 hours. I don't know what I'm doing honestly.
me too whats with you two can you see a future
me neither hard isn't it
Men are trained from a young age to never show their emotions. I think we all hurt equally the same but men simply can't express it the same way.
explain more please , are you talking from experience
No. They don't. They like variety, and they will say/do whatever it takes to conquer, and then they get pretty bored and move on. And women are starting to hurt less over it. I wish I had the ability to truly separate love and sex, but women react different after ******. The chemical releases tend to make us want to bond. I have thought I was in love with a hot lover, but really...I just missed the *******. So...THAT made me feel bad. I wasn't in love with him, or it would have taken longer than a week to move right along.
Men certainly do feel the pain of losing her. They just don't show it openly. I know and have been there myself. However it does vary among men and the relationship or to what degree they were in that relationship. Certainly guys just out for the sex may not care so much as the man who was in love with the other women.
please explain more if you can trying to understand him think he is a good man
Yes but men won't show it.
Both suffer Women show it more. Men try to show a sort of bravado and pretent not to be affected. Some never forget staying silent about the affair for the rest of their lives even though they have a new partner.Some men a very possessive and become violent or wont accept it could be all over. That can lead to violence and abuse situations<br />
Its no alway easy to quickly fall in love again Can take years
can you give me scenario please
It really depends on the man. When you get a real man who is actually deeply involved in a relationship, I think it hurts those type of men more than it does most women. Women cry and bemoan the relationships end openly and to just about everyone who will listen. It's a cleansing experience. But men bottle it up. I have seen that tear guys apart though. I think women are just better at handling emotions because they are used to it. Men aren't, and when you have feelings like that and you don't know how to deal with them it can be dangerous.
don't want him hurting need to know if I am or not
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I am having an affair. I am married, he is single. We both are very aware of the situation. Even though we are becoming good friends our relationship is ba<x>sed on sex. We agreed we will tell each other when we need to move on. I am always afraid he is going to move on before I am ready. Hmmm. But he always insists I tell him if I am over it. Maybe we are in the same boat.