I think it would be best to ask people who have had an affair what they think and how it affected their lives. My husband had an affair and it is devastating. I am not even sure if our marriage will ever be "right" again. I am not even sure if our marriage will survive. I am so deeply hurt and so extremely sad. It has been a month since he told me and I am so so sad.
When you absolutely hate your own partner AND the partner of the person you're planning to have an affair with, and you really want to destroy both of them emotionally. Because that is what you'll do, whether you're planning to or not...
After you finish the relationship you are already in!
I had an affair and it ruined the life that I had. NO, it is not okay to have an affair. I was very young, stupid and naieve and above all very much in love with a bad boy who obviously threw me over and I lost a marriage and a family.<br />
Don't do it. It is not worth the grief. I have had an extemely hard time forgiving myself especially for what it did to my son while growing up without a father who was in his life.<br />
Don't do it.!!!
Wow, Ima, clearly no ILIASM'ers here....<br />
It's okay to have an affair when:<br />
1. You'd like to have someone who wants you, even for a little while.<br />
2. Your spouse hasn't made love to you in so long you *can* remember every detail of good sex.<br />
3. You want to leave but can't because....(fill in blank)<br />
4. Your spouse's rejection has left you so lonely and abandoned that even though you never intended to have an affair, it happened anyway.<br />
I'm sure there are other times, Ima, I can't cover every sitaution....<br />
When you're single and the other person is single.
It isn't ever okay to have an affair. My husband had one on me over 2 years ago and I only found out about their year long affair with one of our friends 9 months ago. I'm not sure if well ever be okay. I love him with all of my heart but I don't know if or when ill ever trust him again.
August. That's when they have most of the County fairs...
We both date other people, have for may years I enjoy helping her get ready for a date noting in a couple hers another guy will be taking off what I picked out, we have always told each other if we try to hide who we are seeing then its a affair we have been in the life style over 10 yrs now and it has done nothing but made our relation ship stronger, I have watched her many times with other guys its great to see her loose control having seen with another guy, and I have always loved sloppy seconds, it use to be I would wait till he left then go down on her, but now half the fun is being a wanna be cuckold I will go down on her as soon as he pulls out, I thinly its the humiliation of it, the guy can't believe I'm going down on her and she will say that's my guy clean all his *** out of me. I wanna try being a cuckold full version domination humiliation I would do anything he or my wife told me to even if it meant sucking his **** or taking it up the *** its not about the sex as much as not having any control of anything, hope to hear from others email me drive her by firstname.lastname@example.org I'm in Mesa Arizona if there is a couple that wants a ***** to do with as they please
It's never OK, that's what makes it fun.
An empty marriage had created a sense of a death. I begged him to talk, to be plugged in to me, and to just be a partner. It did not occur.<br />
I met a man whom I just ended an emotional and somewhat sexual affair with that would have never had an affair with a woman.<br />
He was testing his sexuality. He told me he liked men, I was a test.<br />
He ended the emotional part of the affair with I can never touch you. <br />
I'm crushed. He used me to see. He ended with a no. If I don't like the no touching part, he doesn't want to talk to me.
This is an interesting topic about which I have a variation. My wife was introduced to swinging by a friend. I said that she could go as there is a huge difference in our libidos and I wanted her to be happy. Unfortunately, to use her words " the tiger is now out of the cage" she is now seeing several times a week a chap she met at a club. His wife knows about them seeing each other and apparently is ok with the situation. I am not although I ultiimately feel responsible for the situation by letting her go to the club in the first place. She goes out for meals with him and also to the local swingers club. They hold hands and kiss and cuddle but have promised their respective partners that they won't have penetrative sex so that, in their eyes at least it isn't an affair. They also feel that as each spouse knows about them meeting then that prevents anyone from saying that it's an affair. I don't agree. He says that he loves her and she is very fond of him and has assured me that neither of them has any intention of leaving their partners. To me, that sex has not taken place is irrelevant, because of the degree of emotional commitment that they are showing to each other it's an affair of the mind and emotions if not of the body. This is particularly so as they text or talk on the 'phone EVERY day which really annoys me. I did consider going to Relate but was advised that because I'm under the doctor for severe depression and have suicidal thoughts and do from time-to-time selfharm it was best to leave this type of counselling until my G.P had referred me for treatment for my depression. The question is simply this: Am I overreacting? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for taking the trouble to read this posting. Final bit of information, we're both middle-aged in our second marriage. I've two grown-up children from my first, she has none.
Your wife is having an affair. Sex is only part of an affair, a small part, the emotional side is the big part. You say your wife has not had sex, just enjoys is affection, well I would be very very worried.
My wife has sex with lots of guys, sometimes she brings guys home. I am not well endowed, so she has 'lovers'. Its for sex, raw pure sex, sex for fun, recreational sex, no flowers or dinner, no emotions, just lusty fun.
We have been married for over twenty years and this lifestyle before we married, never once regreted it.
BUT!!! dates, flowers, emotions??? looks like you are about to be divorced.
I am on my 3rd marriage. My first 2 husbands had affairs (cheated on me). I have never had an affair or cheated on them. I have been with my current husband for 12 years. Our sex life sucks (for me). He seems satisfied enough. Our relationship is great and we do love one another very much. I would follow him anywhere and vise versa. However, occasionally, I do think about having an affair. Then I feel guilty for even having the thoughts. I feel like I am cheating on him just by thinking it. I don't want to leave him, he is my life. He makes me feel whole. Just not sexually. In that area, I have been very hard to satisfy and it has been that way for several years now.<br />
I truely believe it is never okay to have an affair. I have never acted on the thoughts I have had. I just secretly fantasize about this person or that person, then torture myself with guilt. My will power alone, tells me that I am a strong enough person to keep my marraige intact and pure. (aside from my fantasies)
when you don't think of the consequences....
Its not don't be in a relationship then you can do whoever whenever!!!!!
The irony of this question imathinkin is that most users are going to say just about the same thing and I believe that back in the north 40 of your thoughts you already should of known what to expect , An affair by any definition is still cheating , It's Not Right , It's considered a sin and you know you would be Doing Wrong by yourself as well as your Husband , Now here's the other irony , Men by their very nature will soon slip up and Bragg to one of their buddies wheather it be at a club or at work and without knowing it will bragg to one of your husbands friends thus any affair will be found out sooner or later by your husband and I'm sure that no woman wants that . update : the key question : if I were to have an affair is what lead me to think you were asking for yourself , there arn't many men that would never have one but your question does make a good point ( the irony of it all )
Ok, I didn't read everyone's answer but I bet the majority said never!! Well I guess to a point I agree but sometimes...maybe its understandable. <br />
For example, if he's gonna be in prison for a long time...you wanna leave him but you gotta give him something to look forward to. Or if he's in a coma, you don't know when he's gonna wake up or if ever!! You gotta live! <br />
Well those are 2 instances I. Can see that affair might be okay.
affair is a pretty general word.
Your added details i agree with in concept...I think if theres an unusual need or opportunity elsewhere,..and no-one actually cares on the home front,..then you may as well get some joy as discreetly as is possible,..Without serious intentions beyond harmless fun that is...<br />
Sometimes life might be too short and regrets can be worse than justifiable transgressions.<br />
Thats just a theory,.cos i'm really not the type.
dicey...I'd say it depends on how much trust is being betrayed. If the other party basically already expects it (eg if the relationship has already been mutually pronounced to be dead dead dead), then it might be sorta ok...much better to just end the relationship first. If there are kids involved, no way.